Landslide
by Domward's Mistress
Summary: "If only I could have found some way to explain it to Jake without crushing him. How could I tell him that I didn't love him anymore? That, after eight years, I didn't want to be with him…because my heart belonged to someone else." Edward/Jasper. Infidelity. Rated M. Love, hurt, smut.
1. Prologue

**Author's note: Hi, guys. The ones of you that are left. I'm back! I'm re-posting all of my old stories, and I plan to finish all of them, starting with this one. I know I've flaked out on you guys so many times, but I went through a really rough patch where, any time I even thought of writing, it made me think of people and things that I didn't want to think about. So, I didn't write. For like, a year. Well, I'm over it now and I'm ready to do what makes me happy. **

**I know people are over Twilight. I know most people have left the fandom. I don't care, these boys are my comfort zone, my happy place, and if anyone does, in fact, read this, I hope you love it. **

**I'm literally just posting this from a pdf that ArcadianMaggie (still around, bb?) sent me ages ago, so I'm sure there are typos and such. **

**Back when I wrote this, Touchstone67 was still my beta, so appropriate thanks go to her for helping this story be what it is. **

He looked like an angel: golden locks cradling his face, slightly damp with sweat from our nightly activities. His lips were parted and his breathing was slow and even, his sweet breath fanning across my face. He was glorious.

I loved having him in my arms, our bodies entangled and the feeling of his bare skin against mine. I could watch him sleep forever. Forever - that word had been causing problems for me in those days. I thought I knew what I wanted my forever to be, but all of that changed when Jasper came into my life. Everything I had worked so hard for came crashing down around me as soon as his blue eyes met mine. And there was nothing I could do to stop it. I didn't want to.

"Jasper…wake up, love." I shook him lightly.

A smile graced his features for a moment, but was quickly replaced with a frown. "I know. You have to leave."

"It's almost midnight." I brushed my thumb over his bottom lip.

He quickly sat up and threw his legs over the edge of the bed, turning his naked back to me. "Right, and we wouldn't want to worry him," he replied sarcastically.

He was right. If I didn't get home, Jake would start to worry about me. He would also wonder why a bunch of high school students were practicing music at such a late hour. Regardless, I hated leaving Jasper this way. I knew how much it hurt him to watch me leave his bed and go to someone else's.

I moved behind him, pushing my chest against his back and spreading my legs around his so that I could rest my chin on his shoulder. "I know, love. I'm sorry. I just need a little more time," I whispered, wrapping my arms around his chest.

"I don't know how much time I have left to give, Edward. I can't do this anymore." His voice broke on the last word.

I started to panic. I couldn't live without him. I couldn't let him leave me. "Please don't say that. I promise I'm going to tell him… just please, please don't leave me," I begged, kissing his neck gently and tightening my grip around his chest.

I felt his body relax against mine and he dropped his head back on to my shoulder. "I'm not leaving you." He let out a heavy sigh. "It's just…it's getting very hard to watch you go back to him. I don't know how much more I can take."

"You won't have to deal with it much longer," I promised. "I will tell him soon." I turned my head and kissed behind his ear, causing him to shiver.

"You're trying to distract me," he accused, caressing my thighs with his fingers.

"Is it working?" I gently bit his earlobe.

"Maybe…" he said breathlessly. I kissed every inch of skin I could reach: his ear, his neck, his shoulder. I knew he could feel my erection pressing into his lower back but he chose to ignore it, knowing I would have to go soon. He sighed softly. "I'll see you at the diner tomorrow morning, right?"

"Of course, love. Same time as usual." He turned his head and captured my lips with his. There was not a feeling in the world that could beat his lips moving with mine. Whether it was rushed and passionate, or soft and sensual, it was always the greatest sensation.

"I love you, Edward," he whispered against my lips.

I smiled. "I love you, Jazz."

And I did. I loved him with every fiber of my being. I knew that he was the one for me and nothing would change that.

If only I could have found some way to explain it to Jake without crushing him. How could I tell him that I didn't love him anymore? That, after eight years, I didn't want to be with him…because my heart belonged to someone else.

**If y'all are still around, I'd love reviews. Or PM's. I've missed this place so much. **


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: I figure I'll upload a chapter a day until all of my previously posted chapters are up, and then move to a weekly updating schedule. Side note: This story is awful in the beginning, y'all, why the fuck did y'all keeping reading? Lol. I didn't change anything but... damn, has my writing improved! **

**Enjoy. **

I really hated my apartment.

Well, it wasn't really an apartment, it was more of a closet with a bed.

A _really_ small closet.

A poorly built small closet with a bed.

My fucking aggravating alarm clock-one that sounded more like a dying animal than a waking device-screamed at its usual four-thirty am. Translation: way to motherfucking early.

Not only was the noise of the damn thing completely dreadful, the reason it was going off in the fucking first place was worse.

_Work._

Don't get me wrong, I had no problem busting my ass and making a living. However, I did mind busting my ass for minimum wage, performing duties that would have been easy for even a fucking primate. While sometimes I might act like one, I was not an ape and I needed a challenge, something I couldn't do with my eyes closed and required a few fucking brain cells.

Unfortunately, life didn't always give me everything I fucking wanted.

Before I had left Texas, I had been working in the construction field. I didn't have a specific line of work or anything, mostly just wherever my father's company needed me. One day, I'd be working as a welder's assistant, and the next I'd be flagman for a crane operator.

But one thing was always fucking certain-it was going to be physical exhausting and sweltering hot.

Not the best fucking work out there, but it paid the bills. Needless to say, going from being in the Texas sun all day, to working in a ridiculously small, mom and pop diner in the rainy ass town of Forks, Washington was a big fucking adjustment. It wasn't that I hated Forks, I just really missed the sun. Waking up to rain every fucking day got old real quick, and it made me miss home even more.

However, it wasn't exactly my choice to leave home, but when my very conservative father walked in on me riding the local 'queer' like he was a prize horse at the local rodeo…well, let's just say it didn't go over too well. After hearing the 'you need help, this ain't normal' speech for a few weeks, I grabbed the few belongings I could call my own and the money I had in savings, and hit the fucking road. I didn't even look back, I just let the road take me to….well, no place in particular, I had no destination in mind, just as fucking far away from my dad and Texas as I could get.

I stopped here and there, long enough to catch up on some fucking sleep and get some grub, only to hit the road again a few hours later. Just about the time I had started running low on funds, I had found myself in front a diner with a 'help wanted' sign in the window. So, long story short, I used my last bit of savings to get my 'closet with a bed' and started working at the diner.

I hadn't hit the road since.

And the diner wasn't so bad. Thanks to my southern charm and wavy blonde hair, I made decent tips.

Yeah, I looked good. I knew it and I used it.

Flashing the right amount of dimples at an older lady was the easiest way to make a big tip. You'd be amazed at how quickly a little 'y'all' or 'darlin'' and a dimpled smile could get you a nice fat tip, those ladies would be counting their change so fucking fast, their food had barely cooled off.

I had no problems using my looks to help my cause.

If God gave me the goods, who was I not to use them, right? That would be sinful.

I finally pulled myself out of the bed and made my way to my shower. The smallest fucking shower in the world, I barely fit in the god damn thing.

"Comin' right up," I flashed my dimples to the old woman, knowing that just the simple gesture would have her happily sitting there for a fucking hour waiting on her food if need be. Luckily the Monday morning rush for the diner wasn't too bad, so I didn't have to be on my 'A' game as much as usual. Besides, seven-thirty in the fucking morning was just too god damned early to be cheery. Just as I rounded the corner of the counter, I heard the bell go off, signaling another customer to deal with. I spun around, desperately hoping it wasn't a huge family because I was not in the mood for a table full of screaming children.

It most definitely was not a huge family.

How had I never seen him before? Forks wasn't exactly the biggest town on the map.

Deep green eyes, like fucking emeralds, encased in thick bronze lashes, that sparkled.

Fucking sparkled.

Who has eyes that fucking sparkle?

And when did I become such a fucking girl that I would even notice sparkling eyes?

Pale skin stretched over his facial structure, accentuating his perfectly sculpted cheek bones and his straight nose. His strong jawline fucking beckoned me to run my tongue along it, feeling the light stubble that covered it. His neck was long, slender like the rest of him, and I wanted to have it under my teeth…just fucking mark the tender skin that covered his pulse point so the world would know that this Adonis was mine. Even through his pristine button down shirt, I could tell his shoulders were broad and his chest was defined. I could only imagine his stomach, taunt from daily gym workouts…or perhaps, if I'm lucky, bedroom workouts. His hair must have driven him nuts, it seemed to perpetually messy, yet he was obviously a bit of neat freak, so having uncontrollable hair must be quite the challenge.

Yeah, I wanted to feel those muscles clenching under my hands as his orgasm pulsed through his body while I fucked him hard from behind.

_Shit._

I did not need a hard on while trying to serve hot coffee and shitty food to the morning rush. Sporting my wood in front of the pastor's wife while serving her the steak and eggs she ordered was not the _southern_ charm I was referring to.

I watched, completely enthralled with his perfection, as he walked to the available booth in the corner. Now, most people just take their seat and proceed to look over the menu.

Not Mr. Perfection.

First, he had pulled a napkin from the silver holder and wiped down the table, bending over it slightly, drawing my eyes to his ass and making my cock fucking throb. Then, taking a new napkin, he wiped off the vinyl seat before setting the used napkins on the vacant table behind him and finally sitting down. Next, he rearranged the salt and pepper shakers, the ketchup and syrup bottles, and the napkin holder, placing them in a row from shortest to tallest and pushed them to the back of the table against the wall.

Finally, he picked up the fucking menu.

Okay, he might have been beautiful, but clearly, he had a few quirks about him. It didn't matter, those quirks wouldn't matter to me once I got my cock down his throat.

"Are you just going to stare at him, or do you plan on actually taking his order?" Val snickered in my ear, startling me out of my fantasies.

"I have no idea what you're fucking talking about," I replied innocently. Val knew I was gay, but that didn't mean I wanted her to know who the fuck I was checking out.

"Sure you don't." She smiled as I turned to walk off. "Jasper?" I turned back around to see her smiling brightly. "Make sure you mop up this puddle of drool," she joked, gesturing to the spot she was standing. Her little display earned her the middle finger from me.

Taking a few deep breaths, I walked toward Mr. Perfection, praying to God I could keep my hard on at bay. I knew the odds of finding another gay man in the small population of Forks, especially one as fucking sexy as him, were slim to none, but I was still going to take my fucking chances. As I approached his table, I paused to study him once more, noticing his brows were furrowed in concentration, and his lips were in a tight line, almost like choosing something to eat was a life altering decision.

Yep, he definitely had some quirks.

"Help you with somethin', darlin'?" I purred, letting my guard down, allowing my accent to shine, along with my dimples. I knew from previous experience that if I called a straight man any sort of pet name, they would either brush it off or give me a scowl, letting me know to back the fuck up.

His head shot up at my voice, and he appeared to be momentarily stunned.

Yep, I was that fucking good.

And he was definitely checking me out. He gave me a very thorough once over before a light blush covered his cheeks, and he quickly looked back at the menu.

_He fucking blushed_.

"I...Uh..." he stuttered, and I couldn't help the smirk that came over my face. It certainly wasn't the first time I had rendered someone speechless, it was a hazard of my looks, I had gotten used to it. while I was pleased with my affects on the boy, I wanted him to be able to hold up his end of a conversation, or our future relationship would be confinded to the bedroom.

Not that I considered that a problem.

"How is the Denver Omelet?" he inquired, his eyes back to studying the menu as if it was the holding the answer to world peace.

"Depends on who's cookin' it," I replied casually with a shrug, my gaze on him honest and open. I wasn't going to hide shit from him. I wanted him, and I wasn't going to be vague about it.

He finally turned his attention back to me, and I sensed the confidence building again in his demeanor. Suddenly, I was rewarded with the sexiest fucking crooked grin I had ever seen. "Who's the cook today?"

_Oh, bring it on, sexy._

"Me."

"So, I'm assuming that means that the Denver Omelet is up to par today?" he asked, his fuckhot grin growing wider, showing me a set of bright white teeth.

I gave him the version of my own crooked grin, "I would give you nothin' less."

The blush, that hadn't entirely faded, deepened on his cheeks once more. Something about those flushed cheeks under those fucking intense eyes went straight to my cock.

I shifted my weight.

"Okay, you've convinced me, I'll give it a try on one condition," his velvet voice soothed me, and I had a feeling even if his condition was to fuck a girl, I would have complied in a heartbeat.

"What's that?" I leaned my palms on the table, letting the good boy have a peek at the tattoo on my arm. For some unknown reason, the detailed picture was always a turn on for the guys.

But...whatever worked.

"Can you make it without the onions?" Mr. Green Eyes requested, glancing up at me through his long lashes, licking his lips. Considering the smirk on his face, I'm pretty certain he heard my heart skip a beat.

_He was fucking flirting._

"Baby, I can do anything you ask. All you have to do is tell me exactly what you want," I let my drawl sooth every syllable out of my mouth, my eyes holding his, letting my words, and the meaning behind them, sink into that beautiful head of his.

Sure, I poured it on a bit thick, but it's what I do.

His back stiffened at my reply, and I hoped that wasn't the only part of his body that was stiffening. Clearing his throat, he looked up at me, completely, for the first time. "Yes, that is what I want."

"Deal," I confirmed, standing up straight. "Now, can I tell you what I want?"

_You naked on my bed screaming my name as I fuck you hard all night. _

"Ummm, okay," his confidence wavered slightly in his voice. I had him right where I wanted him.

"I want you to come back tomorrow, and try somethin' different. Try it with the onions. Live a little," I smiled, then the coup de' grace, I winked at him. "La vida loca, and all."

Thinking about my request, he glanced over at the now very well organized condiments, as if he was checking to make sure they hadn't moved in the past five minutes since he had put them in order. Sliding his menu over to me, he nodded.

"I'll be here," he consented. I reached down and grabbed his menu, being sure to brush my fingertips over the top of his hand. The bolt that pulsed through us was instant, and fucking strong. His eyes widened as he drew his hand back into this lap, absently stroking it with this other hand.

"Your order will be right up." I turned and headed to kitchen to make the best Denver Omelet of my life.

From behind the counter, I stole a few glances at him as he ate, and I found that his OCD tendencies didn't stop at skilled condiment arrangement. Apparently, his omelets had to be eaten a certain way as well, each bite cut into a square before being dipped into a small amount of picante sauce and placed into his mouth.

_I could think of something alot better to put in his sexy fucking mouth._

Quite a few times, I caught him stealing a look in my direction, his green eyes meeting mine for a moment before he would quickly turn away and run his hand through his hair, disheveling it a bit more. Then he would pinch the bridge of his nose, and close his eyes while shaking his head back and forth slowly before going back to eating. It was as if he was stressed about something, which confused me a bit because his attitude seemed pretty fucking calm while we were talking.

Or flirting.

More importantly than him being stressed, why was _I_ concerned about his emotional well being? Why did I suddenly feel the need to run my hand through his hair, scratching his scalp lightly in hopes of relaxing him, just to put a smile on his face and ease his worries.

No. Definitely fucking not.

I didn't even know the guy, I had no reason to be concerned about anything other than the feel of his ass surrounding my cock.

Nothing fucking more.

Quickly tallying up his order, I wrote his check and walked back to his table, needing to do something to get my head back in the game.

_He was just a hot piece of ass. _

Flipping his check over and setting it on the table, I put on my dimpled smirk again and asked, "Was it satisfactory?"

He looked up to me wearing a shiny smirk of his very own. "More than. The cook definitely knows what he's doing."

Then he winked.

_Careful boy, I'll take you right here over this fucking table. _

I placed my palms on the table, leaning over a bit, bringing my face close with his. "In more places than just the kitchen."

His gaze dropped to my mouth and his lips parted for a moment before he blushed furiously and looked away. Chuckling softly, I brought myself back to full height and said, "So, tomorrow? Try it with the onions, right?"

"Yes," he answered in a rough voice, my cock fucking twitching at the sound of it. Clearing his throat, he tried again. "Yeah, I'll be here."

"I'm looking forward to it...?" I trailed off, hoping he would realize that I was waiting for some much desired information. Not that I needed his name to fuck him senseless, but when I came in his mouth, I wanted to know what name to call out.

"Edward," he supplied, blushing again for reasons unknown to me.

"I'm looking forward to it, Edward." It was my turn to wink before turning around and proceeding to walk back to the kitchen, but his voice stopped me before I could get to far.

"Hey, whats your name? I don't see a name tag."

I grinned. "Come back tomorrow and I'll tell you. Now you have more incentive than just the onions."

Narrowing his eyes in mock anger, he shook his head back and forth but the smile on his face told me he would fucking definitely be back. I watched as he started wiping the table down again with a napkin, cleaning up his nonexistent mess before throwing a couple of bills down and walking out the door.

I stared at his delectable, fuckable ass the entire time.

Lying on my bed after work that night, I looked up at the dirty, water damaged ceiling, and my thoughts drifted back to Edward. I didn't know why, but I couldn't get him out of my head, I had thought about him non-fucking-stop and I was overly eager for work the next day, hoping that he would keep his word and come back to the diner.

God, he was so fucking sexy.

That shy, sweet, demure personality of his drove me fucking insane. Insane in the best possible way. I was willing to bet my ridiculously tiny paycheck that his submissive nature carried over to the bedroom, and just thinking of all the things I was sure he would let me do to him had me shivering in delight.

Fuck. I was hard _again_.

Knowing that there was only one thing would rid me of the insistent hard on, I sat up and pulled my shirt over my head, throwing it to the ground before unbuttoning my pants and pulling them down over my ass. I closed my eyes and thought of Edward, except he wasn't in the diner, he was in my apartment with me. As he straddled my lap, I held his hands behind his back in one of mine as my other hand fisted his hair, pulling it back to expose the delicious skin of his neck. Thinking of marking that smooth, unmarred flesh had shudders rippling through my body and my cock straining, craving any sort of friction available.

Raking my blunt nails over my nipples, I imagined it was his teeth pulling at the metal rods, driving me insane with want and making me dizzy with pleasure. I ran my hand down my stomach before gripping the base of my cock tightly, giving it a harsh tug, my back arching and a low groan escaping my lips at the sensation. Picturing his hand, I watched as 'his' thumb swirled over the tip, gathering the precum and spreading it down my entire length, pumping smoothly over my cock. I could almost feel that wonderful electric spark flowing through my entire body at his touch, getting stronger and stronger the closer I got to coming. A flick of the wrist over the head had me moaning and bucking my hips, trying to get more of him, of everything he was doing to me.

In my head, Edward was then sucking my cock, his lips wrapped tightly around it as his tongue fluttered against the sensitive ridge. Quickening my pace, I pictured his sparkling green eyes looking up at me, hooded with lust and desire, as his head bobbed up and down. As soon as imaginary Edward started nipping the head of my cock with his teeth, I felt my balls tightening and the familiar warmth spreading throughout my entire body as I pulsed, and cum spilled from cock in long streams onto my hand and stomach, some even reaching my chest. Incoherent mumblings of 'fuck', 'shit', and 'oh my God' fell freely from my lips as my body convulsed and shuddered through my orgasm, leaving me completely sated and tired as fuck when it was over.

Well, I wasn't entirely sated.

The only thing that could have made it better would have been for Edward's cum to be mixed with mine, his essence lingering on my skin as I drifted off into a deep sleep, the weight of his body on top of me...

In that moment, I decided that Mr. Perfection would be mine, in one way or another.

**Review?**


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you guys so, so much for the reviews, I was floored by the response and absolutely elated that so many of y'all are still out there! On to chapter 2.**

**Enjoy.**

You know those dreams where you can't really tell what the fuck is going on but you know that, whatever it is, it's good?

Well, I was having one of those dreams. I was happy and comfortable and relaxed...until Hank Williams Jr. appeared and starting singing 'Country Boy Can Survive'.

But he didn't sound quite right, he sounded a little...electronic?

And he seemed to be vibrating...

"Seriously?" I groaned to no one, officially being snapped out of my happy dreamworld by the ringing of my phone. I needed to change my ringtone.

Rolling over, my upper body broke out into goosebumps as the sheet slipped to my waist, my naked flesh heated compared to the chill in my room. I grabbed my phone off the night stand, smiling when I saw who it was and quickly answering, "What are you up so early for, boy?"

"What are you still doin' in the bed, fucker? Washington makin' you lazy?"

Ah, Seth. My only friend from back home...hell, the only _person_ in general that I still talked to from back home. One of the best men I had ever known. Give anyone the shirt off his back if they needed, no questions asked. Hard worker too.

Oh, and he was the local queer that my father had caught me fucking.

"Well, I ain't workin' on an oil rig, that's for sure," I teased. Seth loved his job in the oil industry and felt the need to boast about it as much as possible. Which only made me tease him about it.

"How ya been, man? I haven't talked to ya in awhile," he asked, sounding concerned. That was his way of asking if I was eating and sleeping enough.

"I'm fine _mom_, I promise I've been goin' to bed at a decent hour," I said sarcastically, sitting up and raking a hand through my messy hair.

"Speakin' of moms..." Here we go. "I saw your's the other day."

I just barely managed to hold back a sigh, I really hated it when he pulled this shit. "Yeah?"

"Sure did. She was at Billy's pickin' up some fish fry. Apparently, Garrett and Katie are comin' down this weekend."

That was low. He knew how much I missed my baby brother. I felt the lump rising in my throat as memories bombarded my mind: Garrett chasing me with his water gun after I popped a water ballon over his head, lying to mama about what time he got in the night of his very first date, both of us starting a food fight in the cafeteria at school my sophomore year.

And then, the one memory that always hurt the most.

The tears in his eyes the day my fucking father outed me.

I turned my attention back to Seth to stop the onslaught of horrible thoughts.

"Maybe you could come down for the weekend too?" Seth asked quietly but hopefully, his tone changing to the one I knew the best. The one that said that he was no longer Seth, the roughneck hard-ass from the oil fields, with this tone, he was now Seth, ex-lover and best friend, innocent and shy and just fucking wonderful.

With this tone, he was My Seth.

"Come on, babe, you know I can't," I replied softly, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"I miss you, Jazzy. Everyone misses you."

"Not everyone," I muttured, thinking of how much my father _didn't_ miss me.

"Your mama does. I do. Everyone that matters does," He defended, trying everything he could. He hadn't done this in a while.

"Babe, you know he will just make her life a livin' hell if I show up down there. He might not be able to hurt me anymore, but he can hurt her. Dont push this, babe, please?" I practically begged, hoping he would let me off the fucking hook before my emotions got the best of me.

He let out a heavy sigh. "Okay, Jazzy, I won't push. Maybe one day I can carry my ass up there?" he laughed, effectively breaking some of the tension.

"Fuck, Seth, you know if I got you up here, I'd never let you leave. Hell, I wouldn't let you out of my apartment, much less let you go back to Texas." I said it in a joking manner but it was the truth. I missed him...I missed _home._ and if I had gotten my hands on anything that reminded me of home, I wouldn't have let it go.

"Still a tease, I see." I could just imagine how bright his smile would be right then, the white contrasting with the dark color of his skin and long black hair. It made my heart ache a little.

"The best, baby. I gotta get ready for work, Seth. Call me later?" I asked as I finally climbed out of bed, the sheet falling from around my naked body.

"Not later. I have a date," he said proudly.

"Oh, yeah? Have fun, babe. Dont take less than seven inches," I joked in mid-stretch, trying to work out some of the kinks from my deep sleep.

"Love you, Jazzy."

"You too, babe."

After hanging up with Seth, I wasn't exactly feeling chipper. I missed my family, and I worried about my mama constantly. It wasn't that my father was physically abusive, but mentally...well, he could make a fucking full grown man cry. He was hateful, heartless, completely ruthless, and had no qualms about making his 'authority' known.

He certainly didn't deserve my mama.

She was caring and sweet, kind and loving...everything a boy could fucking ask for in a mother. She had been my world.

And I had grown up to be a disappointment.

Shaking off the terrible feeling I always got thinking about my past, I made my way to the bathroom, forcing myself to block out everything but getting ready for work.

Fuck the past, live for the future.

Well, live for the day at least.

I was bored as fuck.

The diner had been ridiculously empty that morning and the one person I was waiting for still hadn't shown. I didn't want to admit that it would have ruined my whole God damn it week if Edward didn't show up, but I knew it would have. Staring at the door wasn't helping my aggravation either, because every minute that passed only irritated me further.

God, where the fuck was he?

I had been pretty fucking positive he was interested. Flirting, teasing, smiling...everything that basically said 'Yes, please fuck me hard.'

Okay, maybe I was pushing it with that. But regardless...

Turning my attention away from the door, I started wiping down the counter, apparently bit too enthusiastically as I heard Val's chuckle from behind me. I don't know how, but she knew, she always fucking knew. Even though I was tempted to turn around and tell her to kiss my ass, I eased up on the counter, cleaning it like a normal human and not someone that had spent the night before popping too much speed.

"Just give him a few more minutes, hon. And stop wiping the counter top before you remove the formica," she said quietly, looking over my shoulder at the my white knuckles fisting the rag in my hand.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Always gotta put-"

The bell to the door cut me off mid sentence.

And then my heart started fucking pounding.

Fuck, he was sexier than I remembered.

Even though he was pristinely dressed in khakis and a green Oxford, the slight slump of his shoulders, dark circles under his eyes and messier than usual hair told me he had had a restless night.

However, he was still fucking beautiful.

I found myself wanting to console him. To wrap him in my arms and literally fucking carry him to my bed.

But not for the same reason I had wanted to ony a minute before.

I watched as he walked to the same booth, probably choosing that one because I had intentionally left the condiments the way he had arranged them the day before, sitting down and resting his head in his palm before he scanned the small space, his eyes meeting mine and beautiful smile gracing his features.

Walking a little too quickly, I never took my eyes off of his as I made my way over to his booth. "Here for the onions?" I smiled as soon as I reached him.

"Actually, I'm more interested in your name," he replied cockily, a crooked grin plastered on his face.

His immediate confidence was both a surpise and a turn on.

I slid into the booth directly across from him and slid my foot in between his under the table.

"And what do I get in return?" I asked as I played with the ball of my tongue ring, rolling it between my tightly sealed lips.

His eyes immediately darkened at the sight of the silver ball in my mouth, his imagination probably running wild with different scenerios of me using my skilled tongue on his body. Labored breaths escaped him as he stared at my mouth, licking his lips and squirming in his seat a little.

_Dont worry, sugar. I'll let you feel it on your cock later._

My chuckle brought him out of his daze and he finally spoke.

"Uh...um, yeah...well, there's a Civil War exhibit at Burke Museum at U of W tonight and when I saw your tattoo yesterday, I..." he paused for a second to take a deep breath. "I thought you might like to go. I know it's short notice, but I thought I'd ask anyway," he stammered, his confidence slipping away the more I stared at him, rhythmically tapping my ring against my teeth.

So, he _had _noticed the tattoo. The detailed collage of two soldiers, union and confederate, in fighting stance and holding their weapons, always caught everyone's eye. The flags flying behind them was my favorite part. Mostly because it had hurt like a mother fucker and I was proud that I made it through without screaming like a girl.

"Are you askin' me on a date, Edward?" I teased, tilting my head and smiling brightly.

Of course, he fucking blushed and quickly looked down at the table before muttering, "No, I mean...No, I just thought, you know, maybe you..."

As entertained as I was, watching him about to explode with nervousness, I decided to be a fucking martyr and let him off the hook. Interrupting his babbling, I held up a hand. "Calm down, darlin', I would love to go with you." Now, time to make his fucking day. "Name's Jasper by the way."

I would have to say it was relief that washed over his face, and I couldn't help but smile at the small sigh he released.

Fuck, yes. This was going to be a lot of fun.

"I should warn you though," I said casually as I slid out of the booth, moving to his side, sitting down close enough for our thighs to be touching. When I leaned in to whisper to him, I inhaled his scent.

God, he smelled so fucking good. Clean, crisp, fresh breeze and yet, all man.

Just Edward.

Should have been a fucking cologne, or a car air freshener at the very least, because it was too good to be just a natural scent. I could bottle that shit up and make a killing.

Suddenly remembering why I had moved to his side to begin with, I put a hand on his shoulder and whispered in his ear. "I always put out on the first date."

With a hitched breath, he closed his eyes before I heard a very low groan that went straight to my cock. I had to remind myself that we were in public.

The fact that I barely knew him didn't fucking matter at that point.

I pulled back slightly, the temptation to lean down and capture the smooth skin of his neck between my teeth quickly becoming too strong and didn't want to take the chance of scaring him off.

Or getting fired.

I would have plenty of time to mark him as mine later.

"Jasper..." he whispered, all low and husky, my cock twitching at the sound of my name rolling off of his perfect lips.

My control was slipping really fucking quickly.

The bell for the door broke through my haze, and I sat up straight, turning myself forward but still leaving my thigh to rest against Edward's, not wanting to lose the buzzing sensation that was shooting through my body at his close proximity.

"What time are you pickin' me up, lover?" I asked, knowing that my motorcycle was not the best idea for a trip to Seattle, although the thought of him sitting behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist as his cock was snug against my ass thrilled me to no end.

I turned my head just in time to see his eyes pop open, his gaze quickly falling to the table again. "Uh, maybe we can just meet here and then...I can drive us to Seattle?" He suggested quietly.

Okay...completely weird and absolutely unnecessary, but okay.

"Sounds like a plan. I get off at five, meet me back here at six?"

"Okay," he agreed, a touch of pink on his cheeks. He blushed over some of the oddest things, but I didnt mind, it was fucking sexy as hell.

"See ya then, sugar," I winked. Leaning into him once more, I reached over and snatched a piece of bacon off his plate before popping it in my mouth and giving him my best dimpled grin. Sliding out of the booth, I walked back to the counter, making sure to give him a good show because I knew he was fucking staring at my ass.

His staring at my ass was only appropriate, after all, because, by the end of the day, my cock would be buried in his.

I smiled at the thought.

Stepping out of the shower, I quickly towel dried my body, wanting to have enough time to shave and tame my curls before leaving to meet Edward.

Wanting to be presentable caught me off guard, as I had never bothered to make sure I was clean shaven for a date.

Then again, I usually didnt bother with 'dating'.

Pick 'em up, fuck 'em, leave 'em.

That was more my style, it's what worked for me.

As I shaved the three-day old scruff off of my jaw, I wondered what made Edward so different. Why was I concerned with the little things that had never even crossed my mind before? Sure, he was possibly the sexiest fucking thing I had ever laid eyes on, and his submissive tendencies definitely appealed to me, but that wasn't enough reason to have me thinking about him as much as I was.

But fuck, he was just so...enticing? Alluring?

He just fucking called to me.

So I was going to do what it took to get him.

Well, into my bed at least.

I had decided on my favorite pair of faded wash worn jeans and white button down. Leaving it untucked with the sleeves rolled up to my elbows, the button down was tight enough to tease him with my build, but still nice enough for a date. Black snakeskins completed my look.

Combing through my hair one last time, I took a look in the mirror, making sure I looked nothing less than extraordinary before exiting my bedroom.

Throwing on my leather jacket, I grabbed my keys and helmet and headed out the door.

Riding down the highway at speeds a little higher than necessary, I couldn't stop thinking about everything I wanted to do to him. Which made for a very uncomfortable ride since I couldn't seem to keep my dick under control.

How the fuck was I going to make it through the date?

Edward was already waiting for me when I arrived at the diner, looking even more 'fuck me' than he had earlier. He had traded his khakis in for jeans, and his green Oxford for a blue one-still starched, apparently he got off on stiff clothing. Oh, the irony.

I fucking cracked myself up sometimes.

Leaning against a silver Volvo, and giving me a fuckable come hither stare, he waited while I turned off my bike. Reaching up, I undid my helmet and slid it off over my head before shaking out my waves.

Yeah, I put on a show for him.

After dismounting my bike, slowly I might add, so as to be sure I have him a good view of my backside, I tucked my helmet under my arm and walked over to him.

"Hey, sugar," I greeted, winking at him.

"Hey," He mumbled, smiling and blushing. I just chuckled and walked to his car, taking off my jacket and setting it, along with my helmet, in the backseat.

Before walking around to the passenger side, I stopped in front of him, intentionally getting close and brushing the back of my hand across his cloth covered stomach, appreciating his responsive gasp and muscles that tensed under my touch.

I gave him my dimpled grin. "Ready to go?"

Edward swallowed hard and merely nodded shyly. Chuckling, I backed away and walked around the car. Poor guy was in for one hell of a night.

The drive to Seattle was filled with conversation, ranging from our shared interest in music, piano for him, guitar for me, to our careers.

Well, his career, my job, I wouldn't exactly call what I did a career.

Luckily, he seemed to avoid anything remotely close to family, which worked out perfectly for me because I did not feel like reliving my past with him.

Turns out, Edward was the music teacher at Forks High School and was currently working on the music for the school's annual concert. As he talked about his teaching techniques, I realized he seemed much more confident in the confines of his car, only slightly blushing when I laid my hand on his upper thigh and gave a light squeeze. Talking more freely than I had thought possible for him, I quickly realized that Edward had a very cool, collected demeanor about him. He no longer stuttered when I flashed him my dimpled grin, but instead, responded with a sexy as fuck smirk of his own that made my heartbeat accelerate.

Teasing and taunting me all most as much as I had him over the last two days, he kept me worked up the entire fucking drive. Okay, I'm not sure if it was fucking intentional or not, but it definitely felt like he was teasing me. Licking his lips every so often, or instead of licking them he would pull the bottom one between his teeth, biting down for a moment before releasing it into a sexy pout. A few times I actually contemplated making him pull over so he could do...something. Wrap those beautiful lips around my cock, or stroke it with his strong, smooth hands. Fuck, I would have even jerked myself off while he watched. I was so fucking hard for most of the ride, I didn't think I'd actually be able to enjoy the exhibit.

I was fucking dying.

And if his teasing was intentional, I definitely had competetion for my title of 'Biggest tease in Washington'

University of Washington was right in the middle of the fucking city, so Edward found a place to park about a quarter of mile away, and asked if I didn't mind walking the rest of the way. Normally, I would jump at the chance for some outdoor activity but my fucking hard as a rock cock was going to make for an uncomfortable walk. But, of course, I said yes, because I would have walked across the fucking country if it meant spending more time in his presence.

Our conversation on the walk consisted of the same stuff as the car, with occasional comments on our surroundings. Edward must have spent a lot of time in the city, he knew it very well, and took a few shortcuts so that in less than ten minutes, we had arrived at the Burke Museum, a single story brick building with what appeared to be Native American statues near the entrance. After trotting up the small set of steps, I stopped, eyeing one of the totem-looking poles suspiciously.

Edward stopped, waiting for me to catch up to him. "What?" he asked, joining me, looking at up that wooden statue with a Smurf-like thing at the top. "Someone you know?"

"Fuck off," I chuckle, really fucking dying to push him playfully, but knowing the instant I laid a hand on him, my cock would throb, and I had finally calmed the fuck down from the car ride. "No, we didn't have many Papa Smurfs runnin' around Texas." The smile he rewarded me with made my heart skip a beat. A few more smiles like that and I was going to have to invest in a fucking defibulator to carry around. Shrugging, I glance back at the totem pole. "Just thought it was pretty fuckin' cool." Heading to the entrace, I hold the glass door open for Edward. "After you," I bowed my head, enouraging him to enter.

"Such a gentleman," he blushed as he passed. Before he had completely passed, I leaned down to his ear.

"Fuckin' right I am, but only out of bed, sugar," I teased before glancing around the lobby to find where the Civil War exhibit was. It was your typical musuem lobby, what sunlight Seattle had to offer streamed in through the doors, and a few small skylights over the information desk situated directly in the middle of the tiled floor. Not seeing anything obvious, I strutted to the information desk, Edward following obediantly at my heels. The girl behind the desk was attractive enough...I guess. Petite with long brown hair and blue eyes, she smiled brightly at me as I approached.

Women, children and animals all fucking loved me.

"Excuse me, darlin'," I wasn't beyond laying it on thick to get what I wanted, and if it made them feel better in the process, then what the hell.

"Yes, can I help you?" she asked politely, and probably a bit more friendly than required.

You're barking up the wrong tree, darling.

"Why I hope so. My friend here is interested in the Civil War exhibit," I nodded to Edward, standing my side with his hands shoved in his pockets. Leaning over her desk a bit, I whispered, "He has a thing for guys in uniforms," and winked with a smile. Just as I suspected, her cheeks flushed pink in seconds. I imagined the red on Edward cheeks was even worse. "Can you point us in the right direction?"

"O...of course," she pulled a pamphlet out of a plexiglass container, opening it, she pointed to a red X. "You are here, the exhibit your...friend is interested in is down this hall and to the left."

Reaching to take the paper from her, I let my fingers brush across the back of her hand. "Why thank you kindly, darlin'. I appreciate the help," I winked again and flashed her the dimples for being such a good sport.

"Not a problem, if you need anything else, just ask?" Her tone had gone from polite to hopeful.

"Of course, I'll be sure to do that," I nodded my head to her. "Thank you again," I called to hear over my shoulder as I turned, put my hand on Edward's back to guide him the direction of the exhibit.

"How can you just stay stuff like that?" He asked, seemingly a bit stunned.

"Aw, shit sugar, I was just fuckin' with her." He shook his head disbelievingly. "Not like we'll ever see her again anyway, and I don't give a shit what she thinks of me...or us. Now come on, let me go teach you about why the south should have won the war."

We meandered past a huge ass dinosaur skeleton that kind of fucking freaked me out, and some smaller bones and rocks in glass cases, before we turned at the directed spot and saw a sign signaling we had arrived at the exhibit.

The room was wide open, and darker than fuck. Well, not completely true, there were small spotlights highlighting the displays scattered throughout the room. Each wall was lined with wooden display cases with glass tops, while the center of the room was filled with stand alone displays of genuine war artifacts. Sure as fucking enough, directly by the entrace stood a wax statue of General Lee in his Confederate uniform.

I nudged Edward in his side with my elbow. "Well, there's your man in uniform," I tried to hide my smile.

"Thanks, but actually, I prefer my southern men out of their uniform," he replied, blushing like fuck before practically running off to the first set of display cases. Being the fucking gentleman I am, I gave him a few minutes of recovery time, pretending to occupy myself by reading the plaque next to the General. What I was really doing was giving my cock a few minutes to calm the fuck down after Edward's suggestive admission.

As soon as my 'general' was at ease, I made my way over to Edward, his ass fucking teasing me as he bent over a case, studying something inside.

"Hmmm..." Edward muttured, leaning over a bit to take a closer look at the portrait. "George H. Thomas...I don't think I remember him."

"The Rock," I stated simply, my eyes never leaving the painting.

"Excuse me?" he asked, confusion coloring his sexy as fuck voice.

"His nickname," I nodded towards the picture before continuing, "It was The Rock. Or, more acurately, The Rock of Chickamauga. He had a really bad ass defense line and damn near caused Rosencran to pull out during a battle in Tennessee. Fuckin' pussy. Anyway, Thomas earned himself that nickname basically because he was fuckin' stubborn," I chuckled for a moment because Thomas just seemed like the kind of guy I would have definitely gotten along with. "But, you might know him from his victory against Hood in Nashville. It was, by far, the greatest fuckin' defeat for either side durin' the war. The man was a goddamn genius when it came to battle."

As I studied the portrait for a few seconds longer, I realized that Edward had been really fucking quiet through my entire explanation. When I turned my head to ask him what the fuck was up, I was met with a very shocked, but seemingly pleased expression on his face.

"What?"

Shaking his head, he ran his hand through his hair. "Nothing. Just suprised, thats all. I never expected-"

"What? That I could be this fuckin' sexy and have a brain too? It's a rarity, I know." I teased, nudging his side with my elbow.

"Yes, Jasper, you are certainly a rarity," he let out a sigh, and if I wasn't mistaken, it even sounded a bit sad.

We took our time, leisurely making our way around the exhibit, stopping at every display case to examine its artifacts. Walking close together, I could feel his body heat, and when he would lean in front of me to point to something that caught his interest, his smell would surround me, that clean, crisp scent that made my fucking mouth water. Once my eyes had adjusted to the darkness of the room, I appreciated the privacy it offered us. The room was empty, but people constantly walked by the entrance, and at any given moment could look in and see us.

Every now and then, he would send glances my way, smiling shly before looking away and moving onto the next display.

Cutest fucking thing ever.

I had already seen most of the artifacts, in books, of course, so my attention was solely on Edward, effectively keeping my mind in the gutter all fucking night long. The display cases lit him from underneath as he leaned over to study the encased objects, reading the history about them, the warm glow on his pale skin gave him an angelic look, and made his hair look like it was cast of fire. Occasionally, just wanting to admire his ass, I would intentionally stay a step behind him, walking behind him and imagining all the different positions I could fuck him in.

Fuck, I just wanted to sink my teeth into those two perfect shaped globes.

Deciding that being caught staring at his ass was not the best idea, I quickly caught up to him and put my attention back to the exhibit.

I let out a long, low whistle as we stood on opposite sides of a display case holding two Tennessee long rifles. Holding one of those mother fuckers the wrong way could easily shatter your shoulder. "Imagine the recoil on one of those," I said, looking up from the display at Edward and rolling the ball of my tongue ring over my lips.

As soon as my tongue ring caught his eyes, they glazed over, filling with what was obviously lust, and I just had to tease him more. Walking around the case, I stood directly behind him, putting my mouth next his ear and dropping my voice into a seductive whisper. "Have you ever felt a tongue ring on your cock before, Edward?"

Visibly shuddering, he shifted, his back meeting my chest as he shook his head. "Hmmm, thats too bad because it feels fuckin' amazing," I brought my hands up to his hips, gripping them lightly and pulling his ass to my hardening cock. "Would you like me to show you, sugar? I can show you just how amazing it can feel." I finished by running the metal ball around the shell of his ear.

"Please..." he whimpered, sending my cock to full attention and filling my mind with thoughts of the other possible sounds he could make. Unfortunately, we were in public place so I decided to back up, not only to give him a break, but to stop myself from bending him over the glass case and fulfilling all my God damn fantasies. Moving my mouth from his ear, I skimmed down to the back of his neck, deeply breathing in his scent and dropping a soft kiss to his warm skin.

"Come on, sugar, before I have my wicked way with you right here," I whispered before grabbing his hand and leading him to the next display, enjoying how nicely his hand fit in mine. Looking over at him, I noticed his eyes, which were still slightly hooded with lust, were focused on our entwined hands, and a small smile played on his lips.

He felt it too.

What the fuck was up with me?

He was just another piece of ass.

Right?

"I never really understood why Stonewall Jackson was so glorified. He was a religious nut with messy tactics," Edward announced, sounding slightly annoyed as we came upon a painting of Thomas 'Stonewall' Jackson.

Still holding his hand, I studied the painting briefly, then turned my head to look at Edward. "That's true, but the man had enough enthusiasm to rile up an entire fuckin' battlefield. No one could match it," I defended.

Stonewall fucking owned. It was a fact.

Eventually, we came to the last artifact and it was time to leave, which I was partially thankful for because I was ready to get him home, and fucking into my bed. I had a lot of plans for him, and not one of them included guns, generals or uniforms.

Although, if he really did have a thing for guys in uniforms, I was sure I could arrange something.

As we exited, the information desk girl smiled at me, hopeful and I just had to have a little fun. Holding up our clasped hands, I winked, "Have a nice night, sweetheart."

The walk back to Edward's car was, dare I say, _romantic_. Night had fallen, and we held hands for most of the walk, our pace leisurely, even though I would have fucking run to his car if it meant getting him into my bed faster. But if that was the pace Edward wanted to walk at, I was game. We were more quiet than we had been on the walk there, I had feeling something was on his mind, but his hand was in mine and at the time, that was all that fucking mattered.

The comfortable silence continued on the drive back, my hand on his upper thigh, tightening every few minutes when I thought about what it would feel without his jeans on. He didnt seem to mind, even letting out a very quiet groan when I gripped a little tighter than usual.

It was the longest fucking ride of my life.

Back at the diner, I opened the car door, the night air immediately raising goosebumps on my skin as I walked around the car and grabbed my jacket and helmet out of the backseat. I slipped on my jacket and set my helmet on the seat of my bike before turning to face Edward again.

"I had a really nice time tonight, Jasper, thank you for coming with me." He smiled, looking absolutely fucking gorgeous with the moonlight playing on his sculpted features.

Putting my index fingers into the front pockets of his jeans, I tugged him toward me, my thigh settling comfortably, but tightly, between his warm legs. "The night doesn't have to be over, sugar," I muttered, dragging my nose from the corner of his jaw up to his ear. "Come home with me." I felt his cock twitch against my leg and I couldn't contain my smile, knowing that just my words had that affect on him, I couldn't wait to see how he reacted when I actually fucked him.

"Jasper, I can't..." he said breathlessly as his hands tightened around my leather covered biceps.

I pulled back a little, my mouth just a breath away from his own as I stared into his lust-filled eyes. I swear, it took evey bit of fucking control I had not to push him to his knees and fuck his mouth right there on the street. "You can't what, sugar?"

"I can't..." he mumbled, but instead of pulling away, he had closed his eyes and was brushing his lips across mine. Not exactly kissing me, but giving me just enough contact to tell me what he wanted.

And enough to drive me fucking insane.

I took the hint, closing my eyes while pulling his bottom lip between my own, sucking lightly and nipping it gently with my teeth. Deciding to take it slow, which was really un-fucking-usual for me, I kept his lip there, not pushing him any further than he was ready to go.

That was until I heard his moan.

Feeling the ball of my tongue ring sweep across his lip, he opened his mouth to me, moving one hand to my hair and tilting his head. I thrust my tongue into his mouth, swirling it over his and tasting him for the very first time.

And fuck me, he was delicious as I had imagined.

Pulling my hands from his pockets, I slid them around his hips and down to his delectable ass, grabbing two mother fucking handfuls and pushing his body flush against my thigh, he felt so fucking good under my hands, there was no containing my groan. We were both as hard as rock, and when I felt him against, me, I couldnt help but thrust a little in return. As his hand tightened in my hair, fucking holding me to him tighter, I kissed him harder and stopped moving my hips, doing everything I could to distract myself because I was about to come right. Fucking. Then.

He was entirely too damn good.

I was mentally listing the pro's and con's of just blowing my load right there when he abruptly pulled away. Opening my eyes, I saw a number of emotions cross his features; shock, lust, guilt. But the one that bothered me most was the one that lingered: regret. His eyes were wide, fearful almost, and his hand was clamped over his mouth.

"Edward?"

He lowered his hand slowly. "Jasper, I'm so sorry. I...I can't do this," he said in a rush as he quickly turned and practically ran for his car.

Too shocked to even stop him, I just watched him drive him away.

What the fuck?

He left me there, on the curb, panting and hard, and he didnt even bother to tell me why the fuck he 'couldn't'.

I was fucking pissed.

Okay, maybe pissed was the wrong word.

Hurt. That was a better word.

Which really did make me pissed off...at myself. Who was _he _to hurt _me_?

As another car passed by, I came out of my shocked state, throwing on my helmet and straddling the bike before starting it up, hearing the purr it made as it came to life.

Driving home, I decided that I wasn't going to worry about him. If he didn't want me, that was his loss. No one ever got a second chance with Jasper Whitlock.

_Ever_.

Edward was no exception. I would just move on to the next guy, no harm done.

But even as the thoughts planted themselves firmly in my mind, I knew it was bullshit. I would give a second, and possibly third, chance to Edward.

If he wanted it.

**Review?**


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: So, because I pissed off a group of feminists, they reported my Amazon page repeatedly until all but two of my stories were removed. Needless to say, this one isn't going up there and I'll probably be pulling the rest down. Posting is happening here again, for now. Anyway, stupidly long, ridiculous a/n at the bottom. **

**Enjoy.**

Three long days.

Three ridiculously, tortuously, long mother fucking days since my date with Edward, and I hadn't seen him since. Which shouldn't have bothered me but it did. I had passed the 'what the fuck' stage and had entered the fucking pissed stage. I had never been on this end of it before, the one sitting around waiting for the fucking proverbial phone call, which never fucking came. Of course, he didn't have my number, but he knew where to fucking find me, not like I was in witness protection or some shit.

In his defense, it didn't usually take much for me to reach the pissed stage in a normal situation anyway, but with Edward being...well, just fucking wonderful and so God damn sexy, I was already irritated that I didn't get what I wanted when I wanted it. Then, to top it off, he completely and utterly disregarded me.

At the very least, he could have at least shown up at the diner to explain what I did.

No.

Not what _I_ did.

What _he_ did.

He was the one that had stormed off with no rhyme or reason.

What I couldn't wrap my mind around was why the fuck did I care? Yeah, he was wonderful and sexy and all, but I could pretty much have anyone I wanted, so I couldn't come up with a single explanation as to why it should be bother so much. Except that he was the only guy I had ever fucking struck out with.

And not to mention the sexual chemisty. The fact that whenever we fucking touched, my skin, my entire God damn body felt like I had stuck my finger in a socket. An electric current raced through me even at the slightest touch, and the fucking kiss? Jesus, when we kissed, my body buzzed so much I thought for sure I would explode. And I know he fucking felt it too, it wasn't just me. I could see it in his eyes, feel it in his reaction to me. There was no fucking doubt in my mind that he wanted me as much I fucking wanted him.

And oh, how I fucking wanted him.

And I fucking needed to get laid, it had been way too long. I decided that a night out on the town would do me some fucking good. Go out, get a hot piece of ass, go home.

Decision made, I grabbed my jacket and helmet before heading out to my bike. As much as I knew where I needed to go, a part of me dreaded heading back into the city.

Riding down the highway, my leather jacket just barely keeping out the October chill, my mind drifted back to how I felt when I was with Seth, the only other person that I had more than just a fuck 'em, dump 'em session with. Seth was fucking amazing. Everything a guy could want or need; sensual and caring in bed, and a fucking expert at giving head. He was also a fucking saint outside of the bedroom in every way.

He was wonderful but...it just wasn't there. That pull, that fucking unnameable something extra that kept people together no matter the price, no matter what they did to each other, they can't stay away from one another. You're fucking lucky if you find it once in your life.

I had just found it, but hadn't seen it in fucking three days.

Fucking Edward. As I pulled into the parking lot of my favorite club, I forced myself to push Edward as far out of my fucking head as possible. I wasn't going let him ruin my night again. Walking through the door, I immediately pulled a twenty out of the back pocket of my jeans and lifted the sleeve to my jacket, handing the bill over to the door man and letting him place an 'Over twenty-one' bracelet on my wrist.

Who says money doesn't talk?

I didn't bother with the coat check because no one touched my fucking leather jacket. It had been a present from Garrett my last Christmas at home, and I refused to take the chance on it getting fucked up or worse.

Being a Friday night, the place was fucking packed. Music filled the air, the song reminding me why that bar was my favorite. They didn't play that techno shit, just good dance music, shit to grind and fuck to. Men filled the dance floor, most of them shirtless, the strobe lights making the sweat on their bodies glisten. All of the body heat made the entire fucking place smolder and I could already feel the sweat beading on the back of my neck, my jacket making it so much fucking hotter. Pushing my way through the crowd, my eyes were solely on the high set bar, desperately needing a fucking drink.

As soon as I got to the bar, I noticed the nearest guy was already giving me 'the look'. I was fucking hot, every one gave me 'the look', gay guys, bi guys, straight women, fuck, even the occasional straight guy.

"What'll it be, honey?" The bartender asked as I placed my elbows on the smooth bar top for a moment before it dawned on me what I could possibly be getting all over my jacket.

"Shot of tequila and a Corona please," I answered as I gave the guy to my right a once over. He was definitely attractive but a little too bulky for my taste. I preferred a leaner build, defined but not overly muscular. And his hair was too dark. I wasn't in the mood for a brunette, I needed something lighter...maybe with a red tint.

"Hey, hot stuff," guy to my right purred while I downed my shot, which I then immediately chased with a big swig from my beer.

Really?

"Not interested," I stated flatly, hoping he wouldn't make another lousy attempt at seduction. "Another," I requested as guy to my right walked away. The bartender quickly handed me another shot, making an amused expression at how quickly I threw it back, once again chasing it with, and finishing off, my Corona. I didn't even have to ask for the second beer, he just slid it my way.

Good man.

Setting my beer down on the bar, I spun around, scanning the dance floor for someone appealing.

Fuck, not even appealing, just someone who would do.

I didn't need Robert Pattinson or anything.

Allowing myself to take in all the bodies in front of me, I quickly moved past the obvious tops, knowing good and damn well I've never bottomed and I didn't plan to. Tops were always the easiest to spot; the way they carried themselves, their stance, even the way they dressed. Their silky shirts half undone, the jeans slung low on their hips, black leather belts threaded through the loops.

It worked out well, it made it easier to just pick someone up without having to deal with the awkward situation of 'Oh hey, by the way, I don't take it up the ass'.

My eyes roamed over a few twinks, some too skinny or too short, hair too long or too much...just too much of something. No one seemed to catch my eye.

And then I spotted him.

Dancing with one of the obvious tops, his tall, shirtless form swayed with the beat, his light brown hair matted with sweat. He was defined, the muscles in his stomach tensing every time he moved his slim hips. Full lips curled over bright white teeth as he laughed at something the top whispered in his ear.

And, even from where I was standing, I could tell that his eyes were green.

Perfect.

Normally, I would never move in on another man's game, but I was desperate. I knew what I needed and he fit the bill, so I at least had to try. Pushing myself off the bar, I quickly handed the bartender a bill and made my way over to the green-eyed substitution, his back now to me as the top spun him around, his discarded shirt hanging from the back of his jean pocket. He jumped slightly as my hands gripped his hips from behind and I leaned down to his ear and whispered seductively, "Is this a private party, darlin'?" The booze making my words thick with my accent.

The top stared at me incredulously as I moved my hands from the bottom's hips, dragging them over his stomach up to his chest, circling his nipples with my fingertips. Turning in my embrace, he looked over me appreciatively before throwing a look over his shoulder and quickly looking back to me, he smiled widely. "It is now," he said as he brought his arms up and loosely wrapped them around my neck.

I couldn't resist, I looked over the bottom's shoulders to the top and gave him my crooked grin, chuckling when he rolled his eyes and walked away.

"What brings you here tonight?" he asked with a knowing smirk when I looked back at him.

Leaning into his neck, I ran my tongue across the skin just below his ear, the taste of his sweat still lingering as I whispered, "Why don't you take me back to your place and I'll show you."

I was not in the mood for chit-chat.

I didn't even want a dance.

I just wanted a fuck.

"Pretty sure of yourself, huh?" he said with a teasing smile, his fingers playing with the curls at the nape of my neck.

I pulled one of his arms from around my neck, grabbing his wrist and pushing his hand to palm my cock, I let him feel it harden under his touch. "Why wouldn't I be sure of this?" I emphasized my meaning by guiding his hand to stroke me. His eyes darkened and his jaw dropped as he felt me and I just had to smirk.

Hook. Line. And Sinker.

It never failed.

He recovered slightly before he asked, "Can I at least get your name?"

Moving my mouth to his ear, I gently bit his lobe, enjoying the soft moan that escaped him. "Name's Jasper, darlin' and I look forward to hearing you scream it."

This time, the moan he let loose was anything but soft.

"D-Demetri..." he stuttered, inclining his head toward me as I continued to nibble and lick his ear and neck, the feel of my tongue ring probably conjuring up all kinds of fantasies in his head. It did not escape my attention that his hand was still stroking my now hard cock.

"Mmm, Demetri, ready to get out of here?"

He nodded before pulling away from me and grabbing my hand, practically fucking dragging me toward the door. Stopping just long enough for him to pull his shirt over his head, we walked outside, the cool air feeling especially chilly against my over heated skin.

"Cab?" he suggested, probably noting the liquor on my breath, immediately raising his hand when I nodded.

Luckily, he lived close to the club and within fifteen minutes we were walking through his apartment door. I didn't even have time to take in my surroundings before I was pushed up against the door and his mouth was on mine.

Yeah, I could work with this.

With my eyes closed, I threaded my fingers through his hair, the color not nearly as fucking important when I couldn't see it. It wasn't as soft, or as thick as I wanted, but my fingers found a comfortable home at the nape of his neck as my lips parted and his tongue invaded my mouth.

His taste was...different. Not altogether fucking horrible, but not as sweet as I desired either. When his hands reached for the hem of my shirt, I stopped him. Pushing him away a step, I took off my leather jacket and leaned around him to toss it over the back of his couch. Once it was off, his hands were back at the bottom of my shirt, already pulling it up over my abdomen, I lifted my arms and he pulled it over my head, dropping it to the floor at our feet before returning his mouth to mine. I arched into him, letting out a growl of frustration when his hands gently skimmed down my chest, not even stopping to play with my nipple rings. Instead, his fingers grazed over my stomach muscles and rested on the button my jeans. This gentle shit was for chicks.

_Fucking touch me, scratch me, suck me._

"You're so fucking hot," he murmured against my mouth before I tilted my head and he made his way to my neck. Pressing me into the door, I felt his hard cock against my thigh and I was pretty fucking eager to get things moving along.

Taking my hands from his hair, I slid them down his back and cupped his ass, it was firm and tight, but not as round as I preferred.

"Couch," I demanded in a low voice.

Let's get on with the action.

Releasing my neck, he grabbed my hand, turned and guided me to the couch. Stopping, he turned to me and pushed me hard down onto the couch, his hands at my belt, undoing it, and my pants, with blinding speed. Roughly, he yanked on my pants as I lifted my ass off the couch to help him out, me erection springing free and bobbing with my movement. I admit, I smirked when his eyes widened at my impressive size, it was something that never got old. After tugging my pants down to my ankles, his hand firmly gripped my cock and gave me one long stroke.

That was fucking more like it.

Not usually one for chit fucking chat, I felt the unusual need to tease him, to engage him in some sort of banter.

With my hands on his shoulders, I watched his eyes devour me from balls to tip. "Like what you see?" I hissed as his thumb brushed over the head, spreading my precum. Instead of blushing and glancing up at me with his green eyes, he only nodded and licked his lips.

I ignored the pang of disappointment that shot through me.

Sighing, I leaned my head back against the couch and closed my eyes again, letting my mind wander as he continued to kiss and lick around my cock, his tongue darting out to cover my flesh. Finally sucking my head past his lips, I moaned and bucked my hips, enjoying the tight suction he was creating with his cheeks. His touch was how I imagined another's might be, the same soft skin mixed with the same forceful, confident actions.

Of course, I had no fucking clue if that was accurate or not.

Fuck, I was sobering up way too quickly for my liking.

"Fuckin' hell," I groaned as his suction lightened, teasingly lapping at the head of my cock with his tongue. Sucking slowly, he worked his way back down my shaft, stopping half way down before he started working his way back up again.

Really?

Was that all of me he could take?

Resisting the urge to fucking slam myself deep into his mouth, I fisted his hair, hinting at my frustation with his fucking delicate shit.

I felt his hand slide up my bare stomach, stopping briefly to finger the lines of my muscles before continuing upwards to my nipple, caressing the metal bar with his fingertips and tugging ever so slightly. His mouth slid off my cock with a loud popping noise. "Ready to fuck me, baby?" he asked, his voice lacking the sexy tone mixed with shy bashfulness I missed.

His ass had to be better than his mouth. I mean, a tight hole was really all I was looking for.

But then his eyes met mine.

Fuck.

Just...fuck.

His eyes were wrong. Sure, they were green, but they weren't the right shade.

They were empty...boring.

Eyes to match the blow job skills, I guess.

With a groan, I stood up, nearly knocking him over in the process and proceeded to pull up my jeans. "Have you ever even sucked cock before?" I asked incredulously as I gathered my shirt off the floor, not bothering to look back at him.

It was a good thing I didn't expect an answer because he certainly didn't give me one.

"What the fuck is your problem?" He asked angrily, standing up and balling his fists, almost as if to challenge me.

That would have been a bad move.

Slipping my shirt over my head, not even bothering with the fact that it was inside out, I quickly grabbed my jacket off the back of his couch, threw it over my forearm and headed for the door.

"Fuck you, asshole," he yelled out as I slammed the door to his apartment.

I didn't even make it ten feet from his place before I fell against the brick wall, sliding down it and dropping my head into my hands, the scent from my leather jacket assaulting me as I buried my face into my palms.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

As much as I hated to admit it, I already knew what was wrong with me.  
_Fucking Edward._

It was as if he had fucking ruined me in the short amount of time I had known him. I couldn't even enjoy getting head because my thoughts were absorbed with his face, his eyes, his mouth.

I felt like complete shit.

Fuck, I felt worse than I had before I had gone to the club.

Something had to give.

Pushing myself back to my feet, I put on my jacket and grabbed my phone from my back pocket, dialing the number to the one person I knew could make me feel better.

"Seth? Babe, I'm sorry it's so late, can you talk to me for a bit?"

Welcome to fucking hell.

Well, maybe not quite hell, but close enough.

Longest mother fucking day of my life. While I was forced to wait on annoying customers wanting their ketchup, or an extra napkin, or their mayo on the side, I still felt like shit from the night before, having only gotten three hours of sleep and a really bad fucking headache.

I mean, does it really fucking matter if the mayo is on the burger or not? If you're going to put it on anyway, what fucking difference does it make?

The hightlight of my night was the fifty-year old woman who flirted with me, commenting on my eyes and left me a three dollar tip when she left, although I had been half expecting a napkin with her number on it.

Whatever paid the bills. Of course, every twenty seconds I was glancing at the door, hoping I would see a familiar mop of messy bronze hair, but it never came.

Bastard.

After spending the night weaving in and out of customers, carrying food, taking orders, and cleaning tables, it was finally closing time. Val and I began our nightly routine, we worked together well, like a finely tuned machine. I knew what she preferred to do, she knew what preferred.

She didn't even try to make conversation, or ask about Edward. She was a smart girl, knew when to keep her mouth shut.

"Val, just get the fuck out of here, I got this," I told my boss as she was wiping down the counter, her hair had fallen down over the course of the day, and she looked tired as hell. I knew she wanted to get home for date night with her husband, and we were almost done anyway.

"You sure?" She stood up straight, stretching from side to side to work out the kinks from standing on her feet all day.

"Yeah, yeah, I got it, go. Go have date night, get laid." I chuckled, making her blush. "At least one of us should," I mumbled under my breath.

"Okay, thanks, Jasper," she called out as she grabbed her bag and headed for the door. "See ya tomorrow, bright and early."

"Fuck off," I replied rolling my eyes.

About thirty minutes later, I was finished and grabbed my bag. Time to go home, eat, rub one out and go to bed only to fucking do it all over again tomorrow.

What the fuck had happened to my life?

Before Edward, I had never found my life so...dull. Sure, I missed home and missed my family but I was doing okay, for the most part. I went out, had a few drinks, got laid. It was a good system for me. But after the night before and the terrible fuck up with Demetri, I realized I couldn't go on the way I had been. Edward had royally fucked that up for me and for some reason, I still felt as though he was the only important thing in my life. The only good thing.

And the one good thing I had had in my life had walked out four days ago.

As I put on my jacket, I thought about giving Seth a call when I got home, if anyone would make me fucking smile again, it would be him.

Walking out the front door, I turned to lock the place up when something moving off to my right caught my attention.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Edward...give me a God damn heart attack." I exclaimed, clutching at my chest because it felt like my fucking heart might explode, and not just because he scared the shit out of me.

Because he was there.

And fuck me, he looked so fucking sexy. No one should have ever looked that good in boring khaki's and a button down shirt.

God, and those eyes. Those fucking sparkling bright green eyes staring back at me, wide and lit with a hint of amusement at my outburst. His full lips forming a sheepish grin and his cheeks tinged with pink.

Jesus, I fucking wanted him.

"What are doing here?" I asked as I walked toward him.

"I, uh...I wanted to apologize for leaving the way I did the other night." His voice was small, timid and even sounded a bit sad.

Part of me wanted to ask what the fuck he could possibly have to be sad about, this was his doing, not mine. I was the one who had the right to be fucking sad, pissed off, hurt...any number of other emotions that I didn't have the right descriptions for.

But a bigger part of me wanted to comfort him, to take away whatever negative feeling he was experiencing and tell him that it was okay. No matter what, it..._we_ would be okay.

That thought fucking terrified me.

It was too early, and way too fucking assuming to feel so strongly about him. Especially considering how our one and only date ended. I looked back to him, trying my hardest to keep my expression neutral. "Okay, apology accepted. We good here?" I gestured back and forth between us.

A hurt look took over his expression and I immediately felt like shit for being so harsh, but I was still too pissed off to bother with back peddling and trying to make it better.

I took his lack of response as a yes and turned to walk away. "Jasper, wait," He pleaded as he grabbed my hand.

As soon as his skin touched mine that same electric feeling shot through me, but it was more intense than I remembered, the current so strong and pleasurable that my eyes slid closed and a hiss escaped my lips. I heard his gasp right before his skin left mine and I opened my eyes to see him rubbing his palm.

He fucking felt it too.

_I fucking knew it._

That really annoyed me.

If he felt it too, why would he deny that feeling?

"What do you want, Edward?" I questioned, my annoyance seeping into my words more than I liked.

"Just let me explain..."

"Explain what, exactly? Why you decided you weren't interested after we had an amazing time together? Or, did you decide it after we kissed and practically dry fucked each other on the street?" I challenged, my aggravation only increasing when that same feeling of concern coursed through me at his hurt expression.

"It's not...I'm...It wasn't like that. It's not because I'm not interested...I'm just," he stammered, clearly flustered.

He looked like he wanted to reach for me, holding out his hand and then dropping it, taking a few steps closer to me and then taking one back again.

And of course, the masochist in me wanted to step forward and reach out.

Instead of reaching for him, I brought myself to full height, crossing my arms over my chest and waiting. He shoved his hands into his pockets and ducked his head, avoiding my gaze.

"I'm waiting," I reminded him.

He took a deep breath and, without looking at me, he rushed, "Ihaveaboyfriend."

Wait, what?

"Come again?" I said, praying to God I hadn't heard him right.

Finally looking back at me, his eyes filled with sadness and guilt, he answered in a small voice, "I have a boyfriend...well, I don't know if you can really call him a 'boyfriend' anymore. We've been together for eight years."

Well fuck me very much.

I felt like I had just been hit by a truck.

Scratch that, I felt like I had just been hit with a dump truck carrying a load of bricks.

What the fuck?

He took me out on a date, showed me an amazing time and then gave me the best kiss of my God damn life while having a boyfriend. I wasn't sure if I should be pissed or congratulate him on being an honest person.

"Jasper, I'm sorry. I never intended..."

"What did you fucking intend?" I asked before I could stop myself.

Always the masochist.

"I...I don't know, honestly. I guess..."

Raising an eyebrow at him, I straddled my bike and waited. "Enough of the mind games, Edward, just spit it the fuck out."

Okay, so I had no patience.

Resigned after my comment, he sighed and spit it the fuck out. "I just wanted to get to know you," he said sheepishly, fidgeting a bit under my gaze.

He wanted to get to know me?

For what?

I mean, I was trying to _get to know_ him as well but then he...

And that's when it hit me.

Fuck.

He hadn't been asking me on a _date_.

He was asking me as a friend.

A fucking friend.

That took all the fucking wind out of my sails.

I was an assuming asshole and had immediately jumped to the conclusion that he wanted me the way I wanted him. Always thinking with the head between my legs, I didn't even consider the possibility that he just wanted to be friends.

_Friends._

"Oh," I mumbled lamely, feeling a bit embarrassed at how I had acted with him. I looked anywhere but directly at him while I considered my options, which weren't many. I decided to man up and take the fucking road less traveled...at least by me. "Look, I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions, my mistake, my bad, whatever the fuck you want to call it, but Jesus, Edward, you could have told me about the boyfriend shit ahead of time, ya know? Warn a guy."

Giving me a small apologetic smile, he conceded I was right. He should have told me before our non-date date. Then again, perhaps the non-date date wouldn't have happened had I known about the boyfriend.

"I know, I'm sorry." When his green eyes met mine, there was no way in hell I wouldn't accept his apologize, fuck, part of me was thankful to have gotten it. What kind of pussy had I become?

If anyone else had pulled this shit on me, they wouldn't be standing.

"I just hadn't expected it to end with that..." He practically shuffled his toe in the dirt.

Shit, he was just too fucking cute, and I had to tease him, I had to remind him. "With that?"

Sighing, he looked back up me, his stare even, and deep and tinged with guilt. Guilt because he kissed me or guilt because he wanted to do it again? I wasn't sure I wanted to know which.

"Kiss," he blurted out suddenly, the blush returning quickly to his pale cheeks.

The blush confirmed what I already knew, and yet, as much as I hated myself for it, I was about to let him off the hook because...well, I had no fucking idea why.

Because he was Edward and apparently I was cock whipped, which was pretty fucking stupid considering I hadn't even seen his cock.

"Forget about it, Edward. It's not a big deal. Completely forgotten."

_For about thirty seconds._

Grabbing my helmet, I shook my hair off my face to put it on, as I buckled the snap up, Edward stepped up to the bike, placing a hand on the handle closest to him.

"Wait, please," he begged, his voice desperate. "Can we...canwebefriends?" The desperation had turned to hope as he bit his lip waiting for my answer.

Glancing down at his hand on my bike, I wanted nothing more in my fucking life than to reach out and touch that electric skin, my body pulsing for that current, demanding to feel it flow through my flesh and bone.

Friends?

Fucking friends.

Fucking friends don't yearn to touch each other the way I wanted to touch him. The way my body screamed for me to touch him. Friends was impossible, I couldn't be with him, near him like that all the fucking time and not be able to lay a hand on him.

Really fucking impossible. No God damn way.

"Sure, Edward, sounds good," I replied, starting the bike up, letting it roar to life under me. Grinning, he stepped back to let me pass.

I could do friends.

Right?

**So, this A/N isn't anything important, it's just things I want to say because, God, I miss this place.**

**Does anyone else feel that way? When Twilight is mentioned or you see the preview for 50 Shades of Plagiarism, do you ever just think, "Wow. I miss that fandom?" I do. Literally, all the time. **

**Short story time: I've lived nearly my entire life in a very small, rural town in Louisiana. We get excited when new Wal-Mart's are built, we aren't very cultured. There aren't many varied groups and interests down here. And I've always felt out of place. I can remember being 7 years old and becoming obsessed with Cry Baby (yes, the John Waters film- my mother made bad parenting choices), and when I would watch it on repeat, everyone would always talk about how strange I was. Then, Interview with the Vampire came out and it took over my life. Pre-teen years were ruled by Titanic and Leo. And every time, I was that weird girl that liked books and movies too much. I needed to get out more, I needed a life, I needed friends. Until it reached a point that I didn't talk to anyone about what I liked because the taunts were suffocating. **

**Then Twilight happened. I was 22-23, a wife and a mother, and I picked up a book and couldn't put it down. And after I'd read the series a dozen times, I went online and looked up the author. Found out about Midnight Sun and went searching for the leak. Then, I found fanfiction. Something I didn't even know existed. **

**But I didn't just find fanfiction. I found this wonderful online community of people that were also the weird girls who just liked books and movies too much. I found people that didn't make me feel bad about crying over fictional characters. For the first time –and last, it seems- I didn't feel like an outcast. I fit in somewhere, as cheesy and juvenile as that sounds. **

**And then I discovered that I liked to write, and that opened up so many other things. **

**I miss 2010. I miss weekly updates and ****_holy shit, DefinatelyStaying killed Bella in House of Cards! _****I miss when new blogs were unveiled and ****_did you guys see those new Rob pics?! _****When the most exciting thing in my life was AngstGoddess003 and PastichePen hosting a slash contest and ****_oh my fucking God, is AngstyG gonna read my shit, what the fuck am I gonna do?_**** I miss group chats on gmail and Twitter trivia. Bugging Lou-La for a new story, badgering ArcadianMaggie for an update. When Starfish422 made Edward and Jasper break up in Over the Top and it was the most devastating moment of my short life. When TuesdayMidnight wrote the hottest spank!fic in the world. When SadTomato made me like Jakeward stories. When Avioleta updates appeared in my inbox and I literally dropped everything. When ****_Marked_**** made my entire Sunday, every week. When OnTheTurningAway wrote a watersports fic and I literally died from kink-happiness. **

**When Val was my best friend and we spent every single day either writing or talking about it. **

**I messaged her just a few days ago to talk about this very subject and it was so nice to just, pour my stupid little heart out about these stupid little things that no one else understands. **

**It's like a relationship where one party has moved on and started dating someone else and the other party is stuck looking at old photographs and wishing they had a time machine. I'm the latter, and all of those things are the former. And I've got the bitterness of a jilted lover, wrinkling my nose when the Teen Wolf fandom is mentioned or I see Divergent release parties. Not Harry Potter, though, because Snape/Draco but, you know. **

**So, I've got all these stupidly happy memories but they're all really sad too because I'll go back and read a story and it makes me so fucking giddy but then I'll look at the date and realize how long ago it was. Or trying to visit old blogs and they're all shut down. Or, the worst, going to read a story and you see the entire account has been purged. **

**Well, when I sit down to write, all this sadness hits me like a ton of bricks and I start crying, close the computer and walk away. And I know it's because I feel so alone ****_all the fucking time._**** I'm that weird girl again, attached to fictional characters that are ****_so 3 years ago_**** and it hurts in such a stupid, ridiculous way. I'm back to being a freak and I hate it. I cry about a stupid fandom, who does that? I'm crying right now, writing this. **

**So, yeah. It's not just Twilight or these boys. It's everything that came with it. The friendship and conversations and idiotic fangirl squealing. All the things I can't seem to let go. I've turned into the worst, cheesy melodrama ever. **

**Anyway, I'm done with the pity party. I'm putting all these chapters up today and working on the rest. If not for any other reason but that, maybe once I complete these fics and get them out of my head, I can move on. **

**To the few that are left, y'all are awesome. That's all. **


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: Just in case it didn't go out, I took down the false update from the last chapter an added the actual chapter. As I've said, this was beta'd ages ago so any typos or anything may still be present.**

If there was one thing about Texas I didn't miss, it was the lack of seasons.

As I watched the snow falling thick outside my bedroom window, I couldn't help but think back to all the winters I had spent in the dry heat of Texas; winters where I had barely had the need for a coat, much less a heavy one. Christmas was never spent outside throwing snowballs or making snowmen; it was spent locked indoors, under the cool breeze of a fan and a glass of ice tea nearby.

A part of me felt a little envious that I had grown up without the pleasure of experiencing one like you see on television.

A white fucking Christmas, and all that shit that goes with it.

Sure, I had had the decorations, the tree, and a full spread of food on Christmas day, even the fucking music blaring through the house. But to have snow, _real_ snow, and not that fake shit you buy in the bag at the store that just becomes a pain in the ass when you have to vacuum it up later. Nothing would have been more fucking amazing to experience as a kid. For most adults, snow was nothing more than shit to shovel or clean off your car, but for me, it meant something else entirely.

Not to go all psychoanalyst, but there really was something purifying about snow. The quiet way that it fell silently covering every inch of exposed land, gave a sense of cleansing, of some sort of rebirth, a fucking new start or something. It was what Forks symbolized to me, a fresh start without my fucking father interfering with how I lived my own God damned life, and who I wanted to live it with.

With only two weeks left until Christmas, my spirits had been relatively fucking low. I mean, who likes to spend the holidays alone? The only thing I had to keep me company was a bottle of Jack and memories.

Memories of my mama, always so excited to see my brother and I open our gifts that she was in the kitchen cooking breakfast before we even had a chance to roll out of fucking bed.

Memories of my brother, literally screaming like a fucking girl when he had opened the box that held the keys to his new truck. Then, of course, he reminded me that he would officially be following me to every party I went to.

Memories of Seth, my last Christmas at home, showing up after my parents had gone to bed, crawling through my window wearing a corny Santa hat and asking if I had been a naughty boy.

Fuck, I missed them so much.

This was the one time of year that I actually considered going home, if for nothing else than to just tell my mama 'Merry Christmas'. But then I quickly realized that it wouldn't exactly be a very merry Christmas if I showed up. My father would make sure of that.

Okay, so there were two things about Texas I didn't miss.

The text message beep on my cell phone pulled me from thoughts, but I didn't need to open it to know who it was...

_I'm on my way :)-E_

Edward.

Since he had told me he had a boyfriend, or partner or whatever the fuck you want to call _him_, so much had changed between Edward and I...and not necessarily in the way I would have preferred.

He had come back to the diner the morning after, sat in the same booth, ordered the same fucking omelet, smiling sheepishly, and looking sexy as fuck. At first it had been awkward, because I wasn't completely fucking accepting the fact that he had a boyfriend.

And because I still wanted to fuck him so bad I could taste it.

Needless to say, fighting the urge to flirt with him was extremely difficult. I wasn't used to not getting what I wanted.

Edward began eating at the diner every morning and, eventually, we fell into a comfortable rhythm, carefully avoiding anything that might include his boyfriend, and sticking to the easy stuff, like work and music, much like we had on our date.

Or whatever the fuck it had been.

I had tried to keep it friendly as much as possible, but it was just so easy to by myself around him. It just so happen that being myself included sex jokes, vulgarity and sarcasm. Blushing like crazy, he had just laughed heartily and shook his head, sometimes joking back, other times too embarrassed to speak.

I had grown really fucking fond of his laugh.

Sometimes, if the diner had been too busy for me to get a spare minute, he'd sat in the booth, reading a medical journal or going over lesson plans while eating his omelet, glancing at me every now and then and smiling, his black, square framed glasses sliding down his nose a bit as he ducked his head back to reading.

Yeah, those glasses had almost been the fucking death of me the first time he had put them on.

It was an unusually busy morning, everyone and their fucking mother had decided it was the day to eat out for breakfast. Chattering voices filled the air, drowning out the sounds of the dishes against each other, or the workers hollering out orders. Almost every fucking booth was filled, including Edward's as he had sat there with his monstrosity of a book in front of him.

I just so happened to have been carrying a large order for a table of six when I saw him. As I walked past his booth, he had pulled them from the breast pocket on his oxford and had slipped them on before peeking up at me when he noticed I had stopped dead in my tracks.

Resting on the bridge of his perfect nose, they were thick and black, the color contrasting to his pale skin and fuck me; they fucking highlighted the blush in his cheeks perfectly.

I had never been crazy about a man in glasses, but when Edward put them on, it was like I was fifteen again, my body trembling and my cock hardening instantly. Thank fucking God for the apron tied around my hips. He had looked like the male version of a naughty secretary and my brain went into fucking overload with fantasies. Which would have been fine under any other circumstance, but I had been holding a tray full of burgers and drinks and nearly dropped it to the fucking floor.

I got myself off three times that night to images of naughty secretary Edward letting me blow him while on my knees under his desk.

At some point, he had started stopping by the diner for a few hours after work and I hadn't been able to help but wonder if his boyfriend worked late hours. I knew that if I was him, I would have kept Edward in the fucking bedroom ninety-eight percent of the time, only leaving for the basic necessities of living. Also, I noticed that Edward was always at the diner later on Tuesdays and Thursdays, staying until I either got off of work or shut the place down, always parting with a promise of returning the next day.

I had started absolutely hating my days off because I didn't see him at all and it was more agitating than it should have been.

Until Edward started spending his Tuesday and Thursday nights at my house.

The familiar sound of the horn outside my place got my attention and I grabbed my jacket, throwing it on and heading out the door to greet my favorite part of the day, a fifteen minute car ride alone with Edward.

He had fought me tooth and nail about me riding my bike in the snow, offering to bring me to work in the mornings while Val would drop me off at home in the afternoon. If I worked the night shift, he would bring me after he got off of work. I felt fucking bad because I didn't want inconvenience him out like that, but when he looked at me with those beautiful sparkling eyes, begging and pleading, I just couldn't fucking tell him no.

Yeah, I was whipped, so fucking what.

"Mornin' sunshine," I said as I slid into the front seat, welcoming the clean scent that was Edward.

Handing me the cup of coffee he had started supplying me with every morning, he replied, "Good morning, Jasper. Sleep well?"

"Like a fuckin' baby," I smirked, not pointing out the fact that the two orgasms brought on by images of him probably helped with my good night's rest. "So, what are we watchin' tonight?"

"Actually, Jasper, I can't make it tonight. Jake's poker night was cancelled," he informed me, regret coloring his tone.

I couldn't reply immediately, shocked at my reaction to Edward speaking _his_ name. Anger flowed through me at a rapid fucking pace and I wanted to lash out, to ask why it fucking mattered if _Jake's_ poker night was cancelled, he could still spend time with _me._ Literally having to push back the rant threatening to escape my lips, I swallowed convulsively and closed my eyes, trying to block out everything for just a moment so I could calm down.

Deep inside, I knew it was irrational, that I had no right to be upset or angered but I couldn't help it. So many different emotions were rushing my system all at once and I didn't know how to fucking handle it. Taking deep breaths, I willed myself to calm down, to regain some fucking composure before Edward saw my insane reaction.

"Please don't be mad." His small voice quickly pushed away all the anger I felt, replacing it with regret for letting him see me that way, for making him think it was his fault.

Opening my eyes, I saw his head down, staring intently at the cup of coffee in his hands. Even though he wasn't looking at me, I knew that his eyes would be sad, I could tell simply by his posture and the anxiety rolled off of him.

God, I was such a prick.

"I'm not fuckin' mad, okay?" I said softly, placing my hand on his thigh. When he didn't lift his head, I squeezed his leg gently. "Hey, look at me, please." Finally lifting his eyes to mine, I saw the sadness that I had already anticipated. "I'm not mad at you, Edward. We're okay," I promised.

A small smile curved his full lips before he whispered, "Okay."

"All right," I clapped his leg gently. "Now, drive this fuckin' Volvo like it's the Indy Five Hundred before I'm late for work. I'll be sendin' Val after _you _if I'm not there in time to deal with the mornin' rush." I finished with a wink, which earned me a breathtaking smile from him.

And of course, I started hardening in my jeans.

Fuck.

Who the fuck gets hard from a fucking smile?

Every little thing he did was like a shot of pure lust into my veins, which made it really fucking difficult to be around him. Especially stuck in the confines of his car where his smell surrounded me and it was all I could do not to lean over and attempt to give him the best, and probably only, road head of his fucking life. It was a struggle I dealt with daily and I was afraid that one day, I was going to fucking lose it and either spontaneously combust or attack him.

Without even meaning too, Edward was definitely pushing my limits.

As I enjoyed the comfortable silence of the car ride, I thought back to the night that I had very nearly broke our friendship rule and fucked him into oblivion.

It was the night I had first seen him shirtless.

_Edward and I had been watching Paranormal Activity at my house one Tuesday night. Even for me, a man who loves horror, that movie had scared the fuck out of me. One particularly scary part just happened to arrive as Edward was grabbing his drink from the table that sat in front of my couch. Needless to say, the girly squeal he let out was quickly replaced with a gasp of horror when he realized that he spilled his drink all over his light blue button-down shirt. _

_At first, I had been too busy laughing to register the look of panic on his face, but once I had calmed down, I realized that he was frantically wiping at his shirt with a handful of napkins. It was that night that I also realized how quirky Edward really was. _

_He went into full blown panic mode and started muttering to himself about how it was going to stain. Clamping my hand over his mouth, I stopped his rambling, quickly told him to take it off and I would run down to the market on the corner and get some club soda. When I had pulled my hand away from his mouth, he smiled sheepishly and whispered his thanks. On my way out the door, I had told him to grab a tee shirt from my room to wear until we had his washed and dried._

_I was a little surprised when I had walked back into my apartment to find Edward completely fucking shirtless and bent over my kitchen table. _

_His back was to me as he bent over my small table, inspecting his shirt, trying to keep it from staining while I was gone. With every swipe of his hand across the shirt, the muscles in his back moved, rippling and tensing under his pale unmarred skin. Jeans hanging oh-so low on his hips, the arch in his back just screamed at me to fuck him right there, pounding into him until he arched it further, crying out as he came all over my linoleum floor. _

_I dropped the bottle of club soda. _

_Spinning around when he heard the bottle hit the floor, I got my first glimpse of Edward's bare chest and, fuck me, it was better than every thing my imagination had come up with. I didn't even have words to describe his chest and stomach, they were just... _

_Fuck. Me. _

_And the V of his hips, oh my God, that V was easily the sexiest fucking thing I had ever seen. _

_Just when I had thought I couldn't take it anymore, he started to blush. Not just a light blush either, no, that blush traveled across his cheeks, down that delicious fucking neck, all the way to his lickable collarbones. _

_I had actually had to close my eyes so that I wouldn't tackle him._

_Out of sight, out of mind. _

_Muttering his apologies, he told me he wasn't sure which shirts were clean in my room and I had silently thanked God for letting me be such a slob. Grabbing him a shirt from my room, I had to quickly busy myself with tending to his shirt, trying to do everything I could to keep my promise of only a friendship._

_Fucking hardest promise I ever had to keep. _

Thinking back to that night had my cock getting hard again and I had to discreetly adjust myself. It was always more difficult to calm myself down while in the car with him, between his scent enveloping me and his fucking warmth seeping into my skin, the car fucking hummed with electricity.

It was both heaven and hell.

Pulling up outside the diner, I was surprised to see that Edward wasn't getting out of the car. He always ate breakfast at the diner.

Seeing my confused expression, he quickly explained. "I have a conference this morning with a parent of one of my troublemakers."

Covering up my slight disappointment, I replied, "Tell 'em to get the little fucker straightened out."

He laughed and wished me a good day; smiling bright and fucking beautiful when I shot him a mock salute and closed the door to his car.

Though I wouldn't get to see him that night, I knew the day would be A-fucking-okay as long as I kept that smile in my mind.

Really bad fucking day.

Tons of customers, one waiter short, and an over tired boss were the building blocks for a real shitty day. Little old ladies left me pennies for tips and married women leered at me like I was a piece of fucking meat.

Boy, were they barking up the wrong fucking tree.

Then there were the customer's that grumbled about their order not being right even though I had taken the fucking orders myself _and_ cooked them, but 'the customer is always right'.

Fuck, I wanted to track down the person who invented that motto and skull drag their ass.

Luckily, it was movie night with Edward and I was really looking forward to it since he had missed our last one.

"Jasper, are you okay?" he inquired as I shut his car door with a little more force than necessary.

"Really bad fuckin' day," I replied.

I saw his eyes widen a bit before he asked, "Do you want me to just drop you off at home? We can skip movie night if you're not up for company."

_I'm always _up _for your company, Edward._

His smooth voice immediately relaxed me, soothing me in a way nothing else could.

"No, Edward, I'm fine, I promise. I just need to get home and have a beer," and then finished under my breath, "or twelve."

Well, when I had originally said the twelve beers comment, I had intended it as a joke. At some point, I must have passed out on the couch because out of nowhere, I heard Edward's soft voice breaking through my haze. "Jasper, come on, let's get you to bed."

Opening my eyes, I was greeted with the sight of Edward's gorgeous face hovering just inches above my own as he tried to get me off the couch. Wrapping his arm around my waist, he pulled me to my feet, holding me tight against his body as I swayed back and forth.

"You smell so fuckin' good," I heard myself say, my voice sounding rough with sleep.

Then, before I could stop myself, I had leaned forward and buried my face in his neck, inhaling his scent deeply, letting it wash over me and it was so fucking good I'm pretty sure I actually moaned into his skin.

I felt his hands on my shoulders, pushing me back a bit, and my eyes immediately spotted his jaw, angular, clean shaven and just fucking lickable.

"Fuck, you have the sexiest fuckin' jaw, y'know that?"

"Jasper..." he breathed low and husky, just like he did at the diner the night of our date. And it had the exact same affect on me that it had then. Straining against my jeans, I could feel the teeth of my zipper press into my cock, which was so fucking hard that I swear I started to feel light headed.

Okay, maybe that was partially the booze.

When I stumbled again, Edward took my arm and wrapped it around his shoulders, his going back around my waist and proceeded to walk me toward my bedroom. "Takin' me to bed, huh, sugar? You gonna join me?" I laughed.

Plopping down on the bed, my head falling heavy on to the pillows, I grabbed Edward's wrist and pulled him to me, wanting to apologize for being such a shitty host. However, when I grabbed his arm, I yanked a little too hard and Edward landed on top of me, all the air rushing out of his body.

And his cock pressing hard into mine.

It felt like my entire body was buzzing, not from the liquor, but from his touch. That familiar electric sensation that I always got when I touched him was shooting through me, intensifying every thing. Our lips touching, sharing each other's breath, our bodies flush from chest to cock.

Part of me, mostly the part below the waist, wanted to thrust up, to grab his hips and hold him in place as I ground my cock against his, pushing and writhing until we both came.

And, at the time, the other part of me was too drunk to stop my lower half.

Holding his hips, I pushed my cock into his, moaning when I felt just how hard he really was. Edward's hands were on my chest now, not pushing away, but instead grasping my tee shirt desperately as I continued to thrust my hips forward. "Fuck, Edward, ya' see what ya' do to me...all the fuckin' time?" I asked, my lips moving against his with every word I spoke.

"Oh, God..." he groaned, clenching his eyes shut and throwing his head back, the muscles in his neck fucking straining.

I wanted to bite it.

I wanted to mark it.

I wanted to make him mine and mine alone.

Luckily, I didn't get the chance to act on my primal urges because when he opened his eyes and looked back down at me, even in my drunken state I could clearly see the guilt and worry in his fucking sparkling eyes. Sure, the lust was there too, but all that mattered then was the guilt.

I couldn't do it.

I closed my eyes this time, turning my head to the side so that our lips were no longer touching, breathing deeply, trying to memorize his scent and the feeling of his body on top of mine because I was pretty sure that was the last fucking time I would experience it.

When the hell did I become the good guy?

He was right there...right fucking there and all I had to do was reach out and grab him. Just a centimeter more and my lips would be against his, a fucking centimeter and I would finally be able to fucking taste him again.

But I just...couldn't.

Fighting against every natural response in body, I turned my head back toward him and opened my eyes, hating the shame that I saw in his. Bringing my hand up to his face, I brushed his hair off of his forehead, reveling in how soft it was, before sliding my hand down to his cheek and whispering gently, "Go home, Edward."

Leaning into my touch for a moment, he closed his eyes again and sighed, nodding slowly before climbing off of my bed.

Rolling over, I ignored the pang in my chest when I heard the click of the door as he left.

_What the fuck had I just done?_

Fuck.

*~~~~*

Why is it that when people use syrup they suddenly turn into primates?

I hated this part of the job. I wondered if everyone was this fucking messy or if it was just the people of Forks.

I was doing the nightly duties; cleaning up the tables and shutting down the cookers. I had agreed to work a double shift, mostly because Val really had no else, but also because I needed the money.

So saying that I was exhausted would have been a major fucking understatement.

It had been a particularly busy day and my fucking entire body ached. Val had already left for the night so I was left to do close up by myself and that was okay except that my back was fucking killing me from standing all day and I was only able to take a thirty minute lunch, most of that time going home to pick up my bike so I would be able to get home when I got off work.

I was definitely not looking forward to that fucking ride since it was colder than a witch's titty outside.

Covered in just about every food product known to America, I fucking craved a shower and a cold beer. I just wanted to sit back and relax, and more than likely rub one out to the thought of Edward kneeling before me with my cock down his throat. My drunk fuck-up from the night before had kept me hard most of the day and I needed the release so fucking badly.

Rubbing one out to images of Edward had become routine over the last month and a half. Nothing got me off better than conjuring up images of my cock in Edward's hand, mouth, or my particular favorite, his ass. However, I knew the orgasm wouldn't be as intense as it usually was because my mind was occupied with other concerns. I hadn't seen Edward since he had left my house, only receiving a text message from him that morning apologizing for not being able to bring me to work but that he had already contacted Val and she was on her way.

I knew he was just avoiding me.

I had fucked up royally the night before and I wasn't sure I would be able to fix it.

Seriously, how the fuck do you get syrup all over the goddamn bottle? How hard is it to tip and pour?

I was still grumbling when I heard the bell to the diner door go off.

"Sign says 'closed' buddy," I muttered, not bothering to look up from the bottle I was holding that was dripping syrup all over the fucking floor I had just mopped.

Expecting to hear a response, or even the bell going off again as they exited, I was surprised when I heard nothing. Wondering why the fucking moron hadn't made any attempt at acknowledging my remark, I turned around, planning on telling the jackass to get the fuck out.

I was more than a little fucking surprised to see Edward standing just inside the doorway, the moonlight giving his pale skin a shine of silver. Before I could say anything, he took a few steps forward, placing himself directly under the dim lighting of the diner.

However, he didn't look much like the Edward I knew. The Edward I knew was calm and collected. You know…never fucking bothered by anything, unless I was flirting with him. But this Edward, this was someone completely different. With flushed cheeks, and a rapidly rising and falling chest, he looked like he had just run a God damn marathon. His shoulders were tense and his hands were clenched into fists at his sides. His hair was messier than usual, which is hard to do since it always looked like he had just rolled out of bed.

But his eyes…his eyes were what caught me off guard more than anything. They were still that fucking beautiful emerald color, but darker now, burning with an emotion I had never seen before.

Whatever it was, it was fucking intense.

"Edward, what are you doin' here? You alright?" I asked tentatively, taking a few steps toward him.

Not replying, he continued to stare at me.

Cautiously, I took a few more small steps toward him, almost afraid he'd fucking snap or something if I moved to fast. "Edward, what's wrong?"

"Is everyone gone?" he asked, starting to tremble a little. His voice was just as different as his eyes, rough and thick and…just plain fucking sexy. My cock started hardening at the sound of it, which was not going to help the situation any since he appeared to be really fucking stressed.

Or something.

I swallowed loudly, "Yes."

And then he just stood there.

The only time he broke eye contact was to turn around and lock the door, causing a mixture of anxiety and excitement to ripple through me.

Just as I was contemplating how quickly it would take the ambulance to get here if he decided to go postal, he closed the distance between us. Unfortunately, I couldn't do anything but stand there like the fucking idiot I am, because I still had no idea what was going through his mind. Very slowly, he unclenched his fists and flexed his fingers repeatedly. Then, in one swift motion that pretty much gave me a small heart attack, his hands were on my sides, fisting my t-shirt and pulling my body towards him. He finally broke eye contact to rest his head on my shoulder.

After a long pause, I heard his broken whisper. "I need you."


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N: I noticed FFn automatically removes any scene break I add in, so I apologize for the jolt where breaks should be. Luckily, it's not terribly often.**

After a long pause, I heard his broken whisper. "I need you."

"Sugar, please tell me what's wrong," I begged. He was _really_ starting to fucking worry me.

Moving his hands from my sides up to my cheeks, he lifted his head off my shoulder to look into my eyes again. "I…I think about you all the time. I can't get you out of my head, no matter how hard I try. I think of your laugh and your smell and your lips…I think of everything. I think of our kiss, and how bad I want to do it again. I think of how I want to feel you inside of me, all around me, all the time. And it's so wrong, Jasper. So very, very wrong, but I can't make it stop. I need you so much and I just don't…I mean, I can't…" he stuttered, shaking his head back and forth, squeezing his eyes shut.

This was it.

There was no going back from here. If I kissed him again, I wouldn't stop until I had made him mine; until I had fucked him so thoroughly that the only thing he could think of was my name.

I was scared shitless.

A million questions raced through my mind, and I had no answers for any of them. The only thing that registered in my fucked up brain was his scent, that clean, crisp scent surrounding me and making my insane with need.

That's what it was. Pure fucking need. I _needed_ to have him, to take him, to claim him and mark him and fill him up with everything in me.

Consequences be damned.

Moving for the first time since he had entered the diner, I set the syrup bottle on the table before wrapping my hand around the back of his neck and guiding his mouth to meet mine. His response was immediate, one hand shooting to my hair, and the other making its way to my hip to pull me closer. Our bodies molded together from the waist up and I was pretty sure that if it would have been physically possible, our legs would have as well.

When I ran my tongue along his lips, begging him to let me taste his delicious mouth again, he groaned loudly. His tongue swirled with mine…hot and wet and fucking perfect, my hips thrusting toward his in response. Feeling his hard cock push against mine, it was my turn to groan and I almost fucking lost it when he started suckling my bottom lip, nipping it with his teeth. It wasn't exactly gentle, and the slight pain only made my cock lengthen more.

God, everything about him was fucking perfect. And fuck, this kiss was doing more for me than some blow jobs I had experienced.

Until his trembling turned into full blown shaking.

I had been so wrapped up in my own fucking excitement that I had completely forgotten that the man in my arms was cheating on his partner of eight God damn years.

I pulled away from his enticing lips to ask, "Edward, are you sure about this?"

My head wanted him to turn around and walk out.

My cock wanted him to stay and drop to his knees.

"I need you…." He sounded so scared.

"Sugar, we don't have-"

"Jasper, _please_…." he implored.

Well, fuck.

How the hell was I supposed to make a rational decision with him begging me like that?

Even though I knew he would regret it the next morning and probably would never speak to me again, I wanted to give him this one night. But could I handle never seeing him again, never hearing his laugh, or seeing his eyes light up when he smiled? I didn't have a chance to answer my own questions before I felt his hips buck into mine again.

And that's when I fucking snapped.

I vaguely registered the feral growl that ripped from my chest before I grabbed him roughly by his hips and crushed my lips to his. I kissed him hard, my desire flowing so steadily through me that it felt like a slow burning fire deep within my body. When my tongue ring clicked against his teeth, he granted my entry into his mouth, causing the sexiest muffled whimper to escape him.

That whimper sent my senses into overdrive, leaving my head to lighten and my chest to tighten.

Jesus, I had wanted him for so fucking long.

Gasping, I broke away from his lips, but not daring to put my mouth to his neck, knowing that if I did, I would fucking mark him, something I had wanted to do since I had first laid eyes on him. Instead, I rested my forehead against his and slowly opened my eyes. I expected to see guilt or remorse in his eyes, but I found neither.

His eyes were full of want.

Want for _me. _

That thought alone was enough to make me come. He _did_ want this…he just needed me to take control.

And if there's one thing I'm a fucking pro at, it's taking control.

Using his hips to guide him backwards, I pushed him to the row of high seated bar stools. I lifted him by his ass, making sure to knead the muscles before setting him down, his hard cock now pressed into my stomach as he rocked his hips back and forth, trying to get some relief. From his tight grip on my shoulders, bolts of pleasurable pain shot down my arms and straight to my cock.

"You want this?" I whispered hoarsely, guiding one of his hands to palm my jean-covered erection.

"So much…." he whimpered.

God damn, his whimpers were going to be the death of me. Surely, all the blood that had now settled in my cock couldn't be good for the rest of my body.

As his hand pushed against me, I realized I was going to blow my load way too soon. Hoping to avoid looking like a fifteen-year old boy getting his first fuck, I leaned forward and took his ear lobe in between my teeth for a moment before whispering, "It's all yours, sugar. But I want to suck you first. I want to feel your cock in my mouth."

He groaned loudly at my words. I knew how to dirty talk, and Edward was fucking loving it, which turned me on even more. Pulling back from him, I took a moment to look him over, hoping to burn this fucking image into my brain so I could keep it forever. I unbuckled his belt before popping the button on his khaki dress pants. Edward hissed as the teeth of the zipper scraped across the swollen head of his cock, which was peeking out of his boxer briefs.

"Lift up for me, sugar," I whispered in his ear as I leaned forward, hooking my fingers into the waistband of his pants.

Bracing against the counter with his elbows, he lifted his slender hips, allowing me to pull down his clothing in one graceful movement. Not bothering with taking off his shoes, I left his pants and boxers around his thighs.

I _needed_ his cock in my mouth.

And fuck, what a perfect cock it was. Long and thick and fucking pulsing, nestled in trimmed, bronze curls, the head damn near purple with need and pearly drops just begging to be tasted forming at the tip.

Looking up at him through my lashes, I slid the head between my lips. I tried to gauge his reaction in case he fucking freaked out or changed his mind, but the only response I received was an open mouthed moan.

And judging by the look on his face, he seemed to be thoroughly fucking enjoying himself. Leaning back against the counter, his head fell forward and his eyes, heavy lidded with lust, bored into mine as I lavished affection to his beautiful cock.

"_Oh..._Oh my God. Jasper, please..."

His hands weaved into my hair as I took his perfect cock deeper into my mouth, feeling it nudge the back of my throat. I used all of my tricks; maneuvering my tongue ring to caress the underside of his shaft while creating a tight vacuum with my cheeks. Then, using the ball to flick against his slit, forcing out more of his liquid. His fingers to grasped my hair tightly, tugging and pulling and driving me into a fucking frenzy.

Yeah, I like it rough, and everything Edward did was better than anything I had experienced before.

Whimpers and moans turned into loud groans and growls as I sucked him harder, tasting his leaking fluid on my tongue. One hand rested on his hip, my thumb drawing soothing circles, trying to give him as much pleasure as I possibly could while easing his fear and anxiety. The other rolled and tugged his sac, occasionally slipping a finger behind to rub the sensitive skin there.

I was impossibly hard and my cock strained against my jeans, the rough friction just enough to fucking tease me.

His eyelids fluttered closed and his head fell back. "Close…." he moaned and I took him to the back of my throat, relaxing my muscles and swallowing around him.

I felt his cock jerk violently as his cum spilled into my mouth and down my throat as he cried out, hips bucking sporadically off of the stool as he pulsed and spasmed. I swallowed every drop like the fucking pro I was, loving the flavor I had wanted to taste for so long. I suckled until he softened, letting his sated cock fall out from my mouth.

Before I had a chance to do anything else, he grabbed me by arms, pulling me up to him and as soon as my face was level with his, he shoved his lips to mine, shuddering when he tasted himself. Fucking my mouth with his tongue, he quickly popped the button and lowered the zipper on my jeans, freeing my aching cock.

When I felt his palm swipe across the head to gather the fluid, I nearly fucking came right then. He gripped the base of my erection tightly, once again creating a pleasurable pain and forcing my body to quiver with desire.

It felt so fucking good.

He pumped me quickly, twisting his wrist over the head and tightening when he reached the base.

"Yeah, sugar...oh, fuck."

I was so fucking close already.

My body started trembling…fucking trembling, and I felt my release building in the pit of my stomach. I broke the kiss and placed my forehead against his, staring into his eyes as he continued to jerk me. The lust in his eyes matched my own, the need and the want. I was grunting now, thrusting my hips to meet his hand as I chased the glorious feeling that had my body tingling with anticipation.

"I'm gonna come, sugar. Watch me come for you," I half grunted, half growled as I felt my balls tighten. He used his other hand to the palm the head of my cock, and the extra sensation was all I needed. I came hard, thrusting my hips one last time and shooting my seed into his hand.

Fuck, it was so intense.

Continuing to rub me gently, he prolonged my orgasm, forcing soft sighs from my lips. Still looking into his eyes, I kissed his lips gently and waited for my breathing to slow.

Nothing would ever top this night. Even if it never happened again, I would always have this night to remember.

Edward fucking owned me and I couldn't deny it any longer.

When he pulled back slightly and started searching my eyes, I felt the panic start to rise in my throat. I didn't want him to see how much I fucking wanted him.

I didn't want him to know that he had me, in every way possible. That I was just fucking _his_ from this point forward.

His whisper quickly replaced the panic I felt with an irrational surge of happiness. "Jasper, will you take me to your place?"

I could only nod in response even though I felt like I might fucking explode from excitement. I thought he was going to freak out or leave.

But he did neither.

He wanted me just as much as I wanted him and it was the best fucking feeling I had ever known.


	7. Chapter 6

He slept with a peace I rarely knew. Sure, I slept like the fucking dead sometimes, but never with the sense of serenity he seemed to have. On his side facing me, he had hitched his leg up over mine at some point, keeping me close to him.

As if I would fucking leave.

Even if I fucking wanted to, there was no leaving.

Instead, I wrapped an arm around his waist and laid a hand on his ass. So what if I wanted to grope him while he slept. I had no idea how long I would be able to handle his goods, so I was going to take fucking advantage of it while I could.

Sighing, I stared at his face, fucking long and thick eyelashes lay against his pale skin. I brought my hand up and after brushing his copper hair off his forehead, traced his features.

I don't know what made someone beautiful but whatever it was, he had it, the total fucking package.

When my fingers reached his lips, I hesitated.

I wanted to touch them. Fuck, I wanted to do more than touch them, I wanted to kiss them, nibble them, suck them, feel them around my cock.

And I fucking knew it was wrong. I had to tell him, wake him up, say good-bye and send him on his way back to….

Fucking traitorous finger traced his top lip, curving around the soft flesh lightly before moving to the bottom one.

Send him home. I could do it.

His eyes opened and immediately found mine.

I couldn't do it.

I was completely and royally fucked.

"Hi," he whispered, all blushy and shit which was pretty fucking ironic because a few hours prior, his dick had been in my mouth. Lying in the bed next to me, clothed, was not a reason to get all embarrassed.

On the other hand, on your knees while sucking my cock….

"Hi," I whispered back, trying not to let him see how fucking anxious I was.

I was completely out of my element, 'the morning after' was not something I did. Every scenario was flashing through my mind; what if he left? What if he asked to stay? Would I let him?

Why did I care?

And why did it feel so right to hold him like this?

_Because it's Edward._

Fuck, the man I had been fantasizing about for two fucking months was finally in my bed and I couldn't even enjoy because my brain wouldn't shut down.

Without another word, he was kissing me with comfortable, sweet kisses that dragged me further into where I didn't belong.

_Fuck. Yes._

_So fucking good._

My lips moved with his on instinct, my hand going back to his ass as I thrust forward, rubbing cock against his. Breathing heavily, I growled into his mouth when he pulled my bottom teeth between his lips, biting and sucking before running his tongue across it.

Fuck.

I was seconds away from saying fuck it and shoving my cock in him, fucking him so God damn good that he wouldn't be able to think anyone else's name but mine.

_Stop._

_It was wrong._

Once again, my brain destroyed the moment, all the thoughts of how fucked up our entire situation was at the front of my mind. Pulling my mouth from his, I fought to control my breathing so I could, for once, be the responsible guy and tell him to go home.

"Edward, wait..." I protested weakly, quickly falling into a thick Edward-induced haze the more his lips moved across my stubbled jaw. "We need to talk first, sugar."

"I know. I just...I just want…." he let his thoughts trail off as his mouth found my neck, gliding across the sensitive skin slowly, softly, before moving up to my ear and pulling my lobe between his teeth, moaning in my ear when my hips bucked in response.

There were many overused clichés I could have used to describe that moment. It was really fucking huge, a moment I had been eager for since the day he had walked into my diner-fuck, that alone sounded cliché.

_Of all the diners in all the towns, he walked into mine. _

Cliches be damned, it felt too fucking good. My body hummed with every touch, even the slightest graze of his fingers or lips and I was melting beneath him, ready to say fuck it, give into the incredible sensations and hand over the keys to my body, not that he didn't already hold them in his fucking talented hands.

How did he expect me to think clearly, to be the reasonable one of us both when he was doing those things to me?

And since when the fuck did I become the reasonable one? It was not a position was comfortable in.

His hand slid down my chest, stopping long enough to twist my nipple ring through the cotton of my tee shirt before continuing downward, lifting the hem just enough to trace the lines of the muscles of my abdomen.

Panting when I felt his hand ghost over my jean-covered erection, my body was taut with tension, in fear that one wrong move could end everything before it had even started. After popping open the button of my jeans, the sound of my zipper being lowered was painfully loud to my ears, like a fucking warning for me to stop him.

But I couldn't.

I didn't fucking want to.

Gasping when his warm hand gripped me, I fought to control my breathing as he released me from my jeans. Clenching my eyes shut and gritting my teeth, panic surged through me for a moment when his hand disappeared and I just knew that he was gonna bolt, but then I felt his palm envelope me again, only now it was slick and sliding over my skin effortlessly.

"Oh fuck," I growled, thrusting into his hand.

His tongue lapped at the skin of my neck, his lush lips brushed over my pulse, the tender sensations completely different from the harsh tugs he was giving my cock. Usually, I had some pretty fucking good stamina but I could already feel the burn begin my stomach and my legs started to tremble with anticipation.

Fuck, it was gonna be embarrassing.

I wanted to touch him, to make him come again, but I didn't know if I should. This was unfamiliar territory, and I didn't want to fuck up and send him into a panic attack or something.

The fact that I was even concerned about what might happen to him was a new emotion because I didn't do the whole 'caring' thing. I fucked and left, sticking around was completely out of the fucking question. So, next morning hand jobs weren't something I did, except with Seth, and even then it wasn't even remotely close to my situation with Edward.

But, fuck, I just wanted to fucking touch him.

"Jasper, please...touch me. I need your hands on me," he whimpered into my skin, sounding all kinds of frustrated and needy and sexy all at the same time. My cock literally throbbed in his hand at his request.

I wanted to jump for fucking joy.

I opened my eyes and looked at him with pride and fear when I saw his hooded eyes, his heaving chest, his hand on my cock.

I should have said no.

I should have grabbed his wrist and made him stop.

I should have told him to go home.

I should have done a shitload of things, but I was a selfish bastard and I was not passing up the chance to touch him again for the sake of doing the right thing. My biggest fear was not chasing the feeling and then regretting it in the future.

I had no regrets, I refused. However, not touching Edward when he fucking begged me to would have been one huge regret.

Using one hand, I unbuttoned his slacks and hastily slid the zipper down, immediately reaching inside his boxers and grasping his length in a tight fist.

"Yes," he sighed once I had freed his cock, sweeping my thumb over his leaking slit, spreading it down his shaft. Not wasting any time, I pumped him quickly, twisting my wrist over the head and tightening my grip every time I reached the base. I wanted him to come before I did and if I didn't work really fucking quick, it would never happen.

Attaching his lips to my neck once more, the kissing turned from light to forceful. Hard, sucking, biting kisses that did nothing to help me hold off.

"Mark me," I begged in a moment of complete fucking weakness. If I couldn't take him as mine, then I wanted him to take me as his, one small mark on my body proving the moment had existed, that for one brief time, I had held him in _my_ arms. I had him in _my_ bed.

_Mine._

Over time it would fade, the colors absorbing back into my skin, but I would always know that it had once been a reality.

Not even pausing at my request, I felt my skin being sucked between his full lips, his cheeks hollowing as he groaned against me, enjoying claiming me.

He fucking wanted me.

Placing his free hand on my head, he tilted it to give himself more access, and I moaned at his control, a side of Edward I had never seen, and yet, fucking loved.

"Shit," I groaned as my back arched with one particular strong bite. "Fuck, sugar…yes."

It was fucking ecstasy.

His hand never faltered, continuing to bring me closer and closer to what seemed like the most intense orgasm I was ever going to experience. The muscles in my arm were starting to ache and I could feel the sweat gathering at the base of my neck but I couldn't concentrate on any of that because Edward's hand was fucking flying over my cock and I needed to fucking come.

God damn it, I was never gonna last.

"Jasper, I'm so close already," he whispered suddenly, his lips leaving my neck. "It's you and I...I can't…."

_Thank fuck!_

"You gonna come for me, sugar?" I purred, knowing a little dirty talk would help push him over and fuck, I needed him to reach it before I did. "That's it, fuckin' come for me, show me how good it feels."

"Unh, oh God, Jasper...yeah, I'm coming," he cried, sinking his teeth into my neck again as his hips bucked into my hand, his entire body tensing and streams of his hot cum landed my cloth covered stomach.

_Fuck._

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I chanted over and over again as I came hard, coating his hand and shirt, my muscles clenching and my toes curling.

"God damn..." I whispered once I was coherent again.

His face was still buried in my neck, kissing me softly and repeatedly as our breathing slowed. God, everything about that moment was perfect. His body curled into mine, both sated and content, covered in sweat and cum. Unfortunately, the cum that I had been so happy to be covered in was rapidly cooling.

"Let me up, sugar," I said, turning my head to kiss his cheek before rolling out of bed and walking to my bathroom.

Grabbing a towel, I wiped my hands off and pulled my tee shirt off over my head before walking back into the bedroom. Rolling to his back, he stayed quiet as I cleaned him off, his eyes closed and his mouth set in a tight line.

Just as I had tossed the soiled towel into the hamper in the corner, he spoke.

"I-I have to go," he mumbled, climbing out of the bed and looking for his shoes.

Wow.

I was _that_ guy now- the one that gets to watch the other guy leave, the one that wakes up alone.

The one that gets used.

I stood there motionless as he slipped on his shoes and left without another word.

Falling back to the bed with a huff, I closed my eyes and pushed away the disgusting feelings that were bubbling up, the voice in my head chanting 'fucking told you so', because I shouldn't have cared. I had used him just as much right?

Right?

I didn't move.

For hours I lay there, almost perfectly still in the silence. My body was still but my mind raced with thoughts of Edward.

What we had done.

What he had done.

Rolling to my side, I picked up my cell phone and called Val. It wasn't like me to lie, or skip out on work for no reason, but there was no way I could concentrate on cooking someone's order after I had fucking touched Edward like that. My eyes finally closed after I hung up, feeling guilty I was leaving her one short for the lunch rush.

Sleep came. Restless, useless and shaky, but it came.

The banging wouldn't fucking stop. It was the type of banging associated with hangovers or….

Someone knocking on your door.

Scrambling out of bed, I thought if it was Val checking up on me with a bowl of soup or some shit, I was going to kill her.

"Hold the fuck up," I shouted, running a hand through my hair before opening the door.

He had come back.

There he was, looking all kinds of fucking perfect and really anxious.

"You...you weren't at work today."

Rolling my eyes, I said, "Yeah, didn't get much fuckin' sleep last night."

"Oh," he mumbled, his cheeks turning pink as he absorbed my words.

"So...are you comin' in or do you check on every waiter that misses a day of work?" I smirked, trying to lighten the mood and let him know that, even though I should have been, I wasn't upset with him for rushing out on me that morning.

He smiled sheepishly before stepping inside, his shoulder brushing my chest and awakening that electricity that was quickly becoming my favorite feeling in the fucking world. Once inside, he immediately turned to me.

"I-I brought you a present," he stuttered, thrusting a neatly wrapped package toward me.

Was that what people did? They gave presents after mind-blowing hand jobs?

"Fuck, Edward, I know I was good, but a present? Really?"

Confused, he finally looked at me and tilted his head before smiling that fucking perfect crooked smile and blushing.

"It's a Christmas present."

Fuck. I felt like asshole.

I hadn't thought to get him anything for Christmas. Then again, I wouldn't have known what to fucking buy him in the first place.

"I know, it's a little early, but I didn't want to wait anymore," he said with a chuckle.

"Edward, I'm sorry, I didn't even-"

"No, Jasper, I didn't buy this expecting anything in return. I bought this because I wanted to. Please, open it," he pleaded, taking my hand and turning it up, placing the gift in my palm.

I carefully pulled off the silver bow, trying to be gentle because it was wrapped all pretty and shit and I didn't want to fuck it up. Unwrapping the blue and silver paper, I saw a simple, black velvet jewelry box. Glancing up at him, he gave me a smirk and gestured toward the box with a nod of his head, silently asking me to pop the top already.

Almost afraid to look, I slowly lifted the lid, my eyes growing wide when I saw what was inside.

Sitting buried in the gray velvet interior was men's sterling silver ring.

Instead of some fucking dainty diamond, there was a square of black onyx with an emblem on it. The Confederate flag and shield with deep reds and blues sat in the center. Below the flags was a gray banner with the years of the Civil War on each side and the letters C. S. A. in the middle.

"CSA," I mumbled.

"Confederate States of America," he said proudly before directing me. "Look inside."

Carefully taking the ring out of the box, I slid my fingers over the smooth finish before realizing there was an engraving inside.

"Pride of the South," I whispered as I read the simple script.

It was easily the most thoughtful present anyone had ever got me.

Not only had he thought to get me a present, but he got me one that meant something to me. He got me my home, my heritage, my history.

I wasn't often speechless, I always had something to fucking say but in that moment, I didn't know how to respond. For the first time in a long time, I felt...I just _felt. _Not anger or lust or regret, it was something else entirely. Staring at the ring for what seemed like ages, I finally tore my eyes away to look back at him, hoping something semi-fucking-intelligent would come out of my mouth.

"Edward, I don't even know what to fuckin' say…."

"'Thank you' usually works the best," he smiled, looking all kinds of proud.

And beautiful.

_Fuck._

Saying it wasn't enough, I wanted to show him my appreciation, let him feel it through my touch.

_Not again._

Closing the box, I reached for him and pulled him into a hug. Not one of those awkward, one armed guy hugs, but a full fucking blown, arms around his neck and smelling his hair hug. His arms immediately wrapped around my waist as a soft sigh escaped him.

"Thank you," I whispered in his ear, feeling a shiver course through him.

_It's not enough._

_It had to be._

Pulling back and giving him a small smile, I asked, "Want a beer?"

_Please say yes. Stay, just for a little bit._

_With me._

"A beer?" he repeated.

"Well, I'd offer wine or some shit, but I haven't been the store yet," I answered as I walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge.

"Umm, sure a beer sounds great," he answered standing directly behind me. Closing the door, I put the caps off and handed him his.

"Thanks." He tapped his beer against mine before taking a long drink.

Pink lips wrapped around the bottle's opening, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed.

Fuck. I needed space.

"Couch?" I didn't wait for a reply as I pushed past him.

I sat at close to the end as I could, expecting him to do the same on the other end. Instead, he sat right next to me, our thighs touching from knee to hip. The silence was fucking killing me, making things awkward when I really didn't want them to be.

Fuck, I just wanted to be us.

_Us._

Luckily, he put me out of my fucking misery after taking a sip of his beer and releasing a heavy sigh.

"Jasper, about last night...and…and this morning, I didn't...what I'm trying to say is...God, I don't know," he groaned, his head falling into his hands as he struggled for the right words.

I really didn't like being the good guy.

But of course, for Edward, I was gonna be. I was going to let him off the hook.

Again.

After taking a long swig of my beer, I thought over how I wanted to finish. How was I going to tell him that it didn't matter to me if I never had him again?

I was going to lie.

"Edward, relax. I get it, okay? We both fucked up. It's over and done with, let's just forget it, alright? It doesn't have to fuckin' change anything."

He sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping as he shook his head back and forth slowly, his hands falling limply to his lap. "Why are you being so good to me? I don't deserve it. God, what you must think of me."

_I think you're beautiful._

_Fascinating._

_Stunning._

_I think you're fucking perfect._

"I think you're a great guy who is just having a hard time right now." Understatement. "Like I said, it's no big deal." Lie. "Believe me, I ain't someone who should be passin' judgment." Truth.

"You don't see yourself very clearly, do you?" He asked and for the first time I could see that Edward had a little bit of snark.

I liked it.

Too much.

He didn't let me answer before he started talking again. "So, what happens now?" His tone had changed, sounding more like the Edward I was used too. Shy, timid, unsure.

I needed to touch him just one more time. Feel that electricity one more fucking time before I let him go. Grabbing one of his hands, I brought it to my lips, kissing the back of it lightly and as his eyes met mine, the sadness I saw broke my fucking heart.

"Nothin' happens, sugar." I muttered against his hand before placing it back in his lap. "We're just friends, same as we've always been."

Fucking. Lie.

Dishes clanked, people chattered, and waitresses called out orders. I shut it all out when I closed the door to the office after having told Val I needed a few minutes.

"Jasper, everything all right?" she had asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

"Yeah, everything's fine. I won't be long," I had willed her not to fucking push it. There was no doubt I was off my game, I had already screwed up two orders and forgotten a third. I needed to clear my head, and I knew just the person to do it.

Sitting down in the desk chair in Val's office, I pulled out my cell phone.

"Hey, babe," I said, feeling like shit for waiting so long to call him.

Seth learned a long time ago that I didn't talk on any one else's terms but my own and that when I was ready to talk, I would call.

"Don't you 'babe' me," Okay, just because he understood, didn't mean that he liked it. "Do you have any idea how worried I've been?" I knew not to answer that. "It's been over a month, Jasper, an entire month without hearin' from you. Do know what that was like?" I knew not to answer that one as well. "I don't care if you are fuckin' the God damn pope and workin' around the clock to save the fuckin' planet, you call me, ya' hear?"

"You finished?" I asked with a sigh.

"Yeah…." he mumbled petulantly.

I laughed. "One more time; hey babe,"

"Hey, Jazzy. I just missed you, ya' know? Scared the fuck out of me, you've never gone that long before."

"I know, babe. I'm sorry," I apologized. "I've just had a lot goin' on."

_Don't ask. Don't ask. Don't ask._

"What's wrong, Jazzy?"

Fuck.

There was no point in trying to hide it, he would have known. He always knew. I could still remember the first time I realized exactly how observant Seth was to my emotions.

Our junior year in high school had been really bad time for me. My parents had been fighting something awful and I was still caught up on hiding my preference to boys. One night, my mama had let it slip that she was planning to go for a girls night out and my father had blown up, spouting off about how my mama wasn't going anywhere and he was gonna make damn sure of it. I had been already reaching the point of hatred towards him, growing out of the naive stage and finally realizing what a sorry prick he actually was. So when I saw him grab her by the throat...

Let's just say I didn't take too kindly to it.

After tackling him and knocking him to the tile floor in our kitchen, Garrett and my mama finally managed to pull me off, not before _I_had managed to fuck up his face a pretty good bit though. He did land a few good hits on me, bruising my jaw and giving me a bloody nose. Garrett had pulled me into the bathroom and helped clean me up before telling me to carry my ass to my bedroom.

That night, I had heard my mama crying, asking him to stop, telling him she wouldn't go out and that she was sorry for what I had done.

I had only made it worse for her by fighting him.

My heart had broken that night as I realized that my defending her ended up hurting her.

I was a fucking failure.

I had skipped school the next day, not wanting to explain my face or deal with petty high school bullshit. Later that night, I had heard Seth coming through my window, like he had done so many nights before, tip toeing to my bed where I had stayed practically the entire fucking day.

_"Jazzy? Baby, what's wrong?"_

_I kept my face buried in my pillow, not wanting to see the pity in his eyes when he saw my face. "I'm fine, Seth. Just go home. I'll see you at school on Monday."_

_He was quiet for awhile; I couldn't even hear him breathing, until finally I felt the bed shift and his arm drape across my bare back. _

_He kissed the side of my neck. "Let me in, baby. Let me make it better, even if just for a little while." _

He held me all night that night, letting me rant and vent, cutting in sometimes with a correction, a whispered promise that it wasn't my fault, before kissing my aching jaw, telling me how much he loved me and showing me through his touch.

He had fixed my heart that night.

"Jasper?" His voice pulled me from thoughts.

I went on to tell him everything. How Edward and I had met, our fuck-up of a date, why I was so distraught the night I called him after trying to fuck Edward out of my system, and the blowjob, and next morning fist fuck session. Seth stayed quiet, only interrupting with 'uh huh' or 'hmmm' at certain points. I told him about my feelings, the extreme lust and something else that I couldn't describe just yet.

"I just don't know what to do, babe. I want him, Seth. All the fuckin' time and when he's around, it doesn't matter that he's taken," I confessed, feeling slightly fucking embarrassed at my desperation even though I knew Seth would never think poorly of me.

"Fuck, Jasper..." he exclaimed, and I could picture his dark eyebrows knitted together on his boyish face.

"Yeah, tell me about it. It's fucked up, babe and from what I can tell, his relationship with Jake seems pretty good."

Suddenly, Seth cut me off, his response coming out very calm but deadly fucking serious. "You know what I'll do to him if he hurts you, right? I won't have a choice, Jazzy."

Seth may have looked boyish, though he was anything but. Regardless of how shy and blushy he was with me in the bedroom, he was fucking tough and I knew that he wasn't just talking shit. He was always very protective of me, even punching a guy in the face once simply because he called me a name.

Seth and I had been in the local pool hall, fucking around, just having a good time when some bigoted redneck had caught me grabbing Seth's ass and yelled out about us being 'fucking fags'. I had approached him to tell him very politely to shut the fuck up when Seth jumped in front of me and clocked him right in the mouth.

After telling him he needed to watch his fucking language, Seth had pulled me in for a deep, long kiss before smirking at the bloodied man and dragging me out of there.

I could have easily taken care of the asshole myself, but seeing Seth stand up for me, willing to fight for me without even blinking an eye, had made me feel so many different things.

I had thanked him repeatedly that night.

But hearing him threaten Edward awoke a different emotion in me, something that I would have never felt for before. Anger. I needed to let Seth know that I wasn't a fucking kid and I could take care of myself when it came to Edward. Edward was mine to deal with, not his.

"And you know that I can damn well take care of myself."

"God, Jazzy, that's not the fuckin' point, God damn it. I can't just sit-," he gave a heavy sigh. "Just be careful. Please. It...it kills me when you hurt."

By the end of his rant, his voice was small again, a timid whisper, and I felt my anger melt away, feeling like shit for being such an irrational prick when he had been just looking out for me.

"I know, babe, I'm sorry," I apologized for the second time. "I'll be fine. I'm a tough fucker, takes a lot to break me," I joked, trying to lighten the mood so he wouldn't worry too much.

"Yeah, I know," he muttered. "I gotta go, Jasper."

"Seth, what's wrong? I told you, I'm gonna-"

"I know, you're gonna be fine. I get it. Don't wait so long to call me this time, okay? I miss you," he finished with a tremor in his voice and I wanted to bang my head against the fucking wall.

Could I do anything right?

"I won't, babe, I swear. Love you," I said honestly.

He sighed heavily again. "I love you too, Jazzy. Talk to you soon."

And with that, he was gone, leaving me feeling all kinds of guilty and not the slightest bit better.

Torture.

That's what it was.

The room was smoldering, arousal so fucking thick in the air you could practically smell it, cut the tension with a knife, and all that shit.

It had only been three days since I had said that Edward and I could still be just friends and that I wasn't going to fuck around with anymore but as he sat next to me, watching some movie I couldn't even identify, that promise was much fucking harder to keep.

God, his fucking smell was all around me and it took everything in me not to throw him over my shoulder fucking caveman style and haul his sexy ass to my bedroom. Fuck, not even the bedroom. I would have happily taken him right there on my small couch.

It would have been so easy to reach for him, grab him and pull him into my lap, and I had absolutely no fucking doubt in my mind that he would have happily complied.

But of course there was that one tiny thing stopping me; his partner.

And just like that, my boner subsided.

Until I felt Edward's hand brush the side of my thigh.

It was a tentative touch, grazing my jean covered leg so lightly that I probably wouldn't have felt it if my senses hadn't already been through the fucking roof at his proximity. Even over the sound of the movie, I heard his heavy breaths escaping him.

He was fighting it.

We both were.

Looking over at him, I saw that his eyes were closed and his normal serene look had been replaced by one of frustration, of a battle he was rapidly losing.

A battle I had already lost.

Before I could even register his movement, he had turned his head and crushed his mouth to mine, groaning as soon as our lips touched. Threading my fingers through his silky hair, I turned my upper body toward him. Together, we opened our mouths, tongues brushing and swirling, swallowing each others moans.

Shit, he was fucking perfect.

Turning, he crawled into my lap, his hands on gripping my shoulders as mine went to his hips pulling him against me harder and harder every time his tongue swept across mine.

With his hard cock sliding against mine, his fucking glorious tongue in my mouth, his hands on my body, I once again said fucking good-bye to rational thought.

I was going to have him.

I was going to fuck him.

But for how long…certainly, he had to be home at some point.

Unlike mine, his home wasn't just a house. It was where his partner of eight years was waiting for him- a decent man who thought that his lover was just watching a movie with a friend and not actually fucking said friend's mouth with his tongue.

And said friend was allowing it happen.

Wanting it to happen.

Yeah, I was a fucking asshole.

"Edward, Edward...sugar, we have to stop," I said breathlessly after pulling my mouth from his.

"I know," he sighed, his fucking sweet breath washing over my face, his forehead resting against mine. I fucking prayed his rational thought was returning, because a few more seconds and mine was going to be missing in fucking action for good.

Only he didn't stop, he didn't pull away, grab his shit and leave. He kissed me. Once, twice, a third time.

Gently, I pulled his bottom lip into my mouth, sucking slightly, enjoying the soft moans that came from him. Fuck, I'd already had his dick in my hand and my mouth, a kiss certainly couldn't be any worse than that. And I just wasn't fucking strong enough to deny myself the feeling of his lips against mine even if it was for only a few more seconds.

Moving my hands from his hips, I brought them up to his face, allowing my fingers to trace over his brow, his cheekbones, his eyelids. I wanted to memorize every fucking detail I could. His hands stayed on my shoulders, his thumbs ghosting over my collarbones as he nudged my bottom lip with his tongue, moaning when I opened my mouth to him for the second time. Our mouths moved languidly, tasting and caressing as he moved one of his hands to my hair, running his fingers through it before gripping it in his fist.

I let my hands fall to his thighs, letting him dominate the situation because I was past the fucking point of any control. With his tongue in my mouth, his hands in my hair, his smell filling my lungs, control simply wasn't fucking possible. There was no way I could have stopped him a second time, I just wasn't that fucking strong.

God, how I wanted to slide my hands upwards, grip his delicious ass and push my pulsing cock into him. Reading my mind, he grabbed one of my hands, moving it from his thigh to rest over his hard cock, curling my hand around it as much as possible through his jeans and guiding it up and down.

"Unh...everything you do feels so good," he moaned into the kiss, his lips leaving mine as his head lulled back and his eyes shut, his hand falling away from mine.

Reaching behind him, he braced his hands on my knees, continuously grinding his hips into my hand, rolling and rocking and fucking _killing _me every time his cock twitched from my touch.

I squeezed him harder.

"Oh, God, Jasper, please...take me," he begged breathlessly.

"Edward," I whimpered, _fucking whimpered_, because I had never wanted someone so much in my fucking life. He was fucking begging me to take him and I couldn't...because he wasn't mine to take.

His hips never stilled.

He was pushing my limit. A man can only handle so much before he just fucking snaps.

I was about to snap.

I mean, I had the sexiest man on the face of the goddamn planet writhing and grinding against me, asking for my cock.

How the fuck was I supposed to say no to that?

When he looked at back at me, the green of his eyes was damn near jade, darkened by his lust and making him even more beautiful than before.

"Jasper," he started, still pushing into my hand. "Don't you see? Can't you feel how much I need it?" He emphasized his words with a sharp thrust of his hips.

Yes, I could.

Even through his jeans, I could feel him throbbing every time he moved his body against me. I had no time to consider my options because Edward's movements stopped and he stared at me.

Fuck, he was having second thoughts. My hesitation had ended my brief moment of bliss.

Well, it had been nice while it had fucking lasted.

His eyes dropped to my lips, his tongue darting out to lick his bottom lip, slowly dragging it across the swollen pink flesh.

He was fucking killing me.

Moving my hands to his hips, I was preparing to push him off when a stuttered whisper stumbled from him.

"Please, Jasper...ma...make love to me. Please," he begged.

_Fuck._

_Make love?_

My heart stopped at his choice of words but I knew in that second that no matter who was waiting for him at home, no matter how fucked up it was, there was no fucking way I was turning him down.

I didn't say yes.

I didn't nod.

I tightened my grip on his hips as I pulled him to me and murmured in his ear. "Hold on tight, sugar."

Obeying, he wrapped his arms around my neck as I moved my hands to the couch, I pushed myself to the edge with Edward still in my lap. Using the couch for leverage, I was able to push up, one hand going to Edward's ass to support his weight even as his legs wrapped tightly around my waist. His eyes never left mine as my unsteady legs carried us to my bedroom and to the edge of my bed.

Before I let him go, I had to give him one more chance to say no. It was the fucking right thing to do.

"Are you sure, sugar? This is it. I won't be able stop once this happens."

It was his turn to not say yes.

To not nod.

Instead, he kissed me, hard and deep and without doubt.

It was what he wanted.

As fucking much as I did.

Releasing their grip, his legs slowly slid down my body until he was standing with his arms still around my neck and his body pressed to mine. As our tongues explored the well known territory of each other's mouths, I began unbuttoning his shirt, my fingers tracing newly exposed skin after each button was undone. Pulling away from his mouth, I quickly ripped my shirt over my head, tossing it off to the side before crushing my lips to his again, resuming my task of getting his fucking shirt off so I could finally feel his chest.

Pushing his shirt off of his shoulders, I backed away from him, finally appreciating his build the way I wanted to the night he had stood in my kitchen shirtless. It was as beautiful as I had remembered, smooth, firm, pale….

Fuck.

Leaning down, I teased his nipple with my tongue ring, flicking the metal ball against it, my hands on his lower back to support him as he arched into me, offering himself to me.

"Oh, God, yes..." he groaned, his fingers lacing through my hair and his head lulling back.

_That's it, sugar. Tell me how fucking good it feels._

Pulling back, I stared at him as I reached for his pants, only for my hands to tangle with his as he reached for mine. I chuckled, loving that he was just as fucking anxious as I was.

When I hooked my fingers in his waistband, he moaned my name and his arms fall limply to his sides. Sliding his pants down over his ass, I licked my lips when his cock was finally freed.

Resisting the need to take him into my mouth right then, I undid my own jeans and pulled them off. Tossing my pants aside, I stood before him.

Completely fucking naked.

All the slight touches, the moments, the suppressed want, it was all being fucking unleashed at once.

Sitting on the edge of my bed, naked and panting, he had watched as I bared myself to him, that delicious blush darkening as I let my eyes roam over his form. Leaning back a bit, he braced himself with his palms, his legs falling open a bit when I stepped forward. His cock was hard as a fucking rock, standing proudly, a dribble of precum sliding down the underside of his cock to his balls.

I wanted to lick it off.

Standing in between his spread legs, his gaze traveled from my face to my cock, which was mere inches from his sexy mouth and I wanted to fuck it. Licking his lips, he looked back to me, silently asking if he could suck me.

_Fuck. Yes._

Grabbing my cock, I rubbed the head over his parted lips, leaving a trail of desire behind as his warm breath caressed the sensitive tip. "You wanna suck my cock, sugar?"

Groaning his answer, his tongue peeked out and licked the head and my hands immediately fell to his hair, pulling him forward, my cock slipped through his lips and I thought my knees would buckle from how good it fucking felt.

"Fuck," I sighed, my eyes rolling back.

Pumping my hips gently, I forced myself to maintain some measure of fucking control so that I wouldn't slam my cock to the back of his throat when I looked down at him. I needed see my cock in his mouth, those plush lips finally sliding over my cock like I had been dreaming about for so long.

As soon as I looked down, his green eyes met mine and a blush spread across his cheeks as he moved his mouth until I was buried deep in his throat.

_Fuuuck._

He started sucking hard and I knew I needed to stop him if he actually wanted me to fuck him, because watching it, feeling it, was all too much and I was just about ready to come.

_How many times have those lips been wrapped around _his _cock?_

Suddenly, pulling my cock from his mouth, he looked up me surprised and went to speak, but I stopped him.

"All fours, sugar," I commanded hoarsely, hoping that if I couldn't see his face, I could pretend it was just another fuck. Another nameless person, another body I was using for my pleasure and not the taken man I had been desperately wanting for two God damn months.

Immediately complying, he turned over and crawled to the middle of the bed, leaning on his elbows as he laid his head on his hands. I couldn't help but stroke my cock for a moment as I looked him over as he positioned himself for me, his ass in the air waiting for me to fuck it.

Vulnerable, open, willing….

"God damn…." I muttered to myself.

He was fucking perfect.

_How many times has _he _seen him like this?_

_Motherfucker._

What the fuck? My mind kept going back to the wrong of the situation, every single reason as to why I shouldn't have been touching him, stroking him, readying to fuck him.

Shaking my head to clear the thought, I climbed onto the bed and positioned myself behind him, running my cock down the crack of his ass as his back arched and a long moan escaped him in response.

After grabbing a condom and the lube from the table by the bed, I ripped the package open with my teeth and rolled it onto my cock. I poured some lube on my fingers, then my cock, before I spread his willing ass open with my hands and teasingly slipped finger into him, enjoying the way his body responded to such a simple touch.

"More, Jasper...please."

I pushed in a second and then third before slowly fucking him with my fingers, making sure he was good and ready for my cock. Each time my fingers slid past his muscle, his hips pushed against me, begging me for more. Removing my fingers, I gripped his hip with one hand and pulled him back to me, using my other hand to guide my cock into him.

_Fuck._

_Oh fuck._

"Jesus fucking Christ," I mumbled, looking down to watch as I entered him inch by inch, his body accepting mine. Slipping into his warm, fucking tight, welcoming body was like heaven. Or hell, depending upon how you looked at it. Fuck, it felt so good, but at the same time, it felt so wrong.

_How many times has _he_had him like this?_

Moving slowly, I watched as I glided in and out of him smoothly, that electricity shooting through my body so harshly that it was almost painful.

Almost.

Running my hand up his bare back, I grabbed the hair at the base of his neck, pulling his head back as I started moving faster.

"Yes," he moaned. "Oh God, yeah, Jasper. Harder, please."

_Oh, fuck yes._

Granting his wish, I let go of his hair and grasped his hips again, slammed into him harder, pride swelling in my chest when his moans became louder. Sensory overload was the only way I could describe what I was feeling, it all felt so different from everything I had ever experienced but, for some reason, I didn't feel my orgasm approaching like it should have been.

Fuck, it was Edward, I should have been close to coming the moment I felt his ass around my cock.

Regardless of how good it felt, or hard and fast I moved, I wasn't even close to hitting my fucking peak.

_What the fuck?_

Growling in frustration, I shifted my body and started pounding him even harder, faster, hoping a different angle, even slight, would let me catch the fucking freight train of an orgasm I was chasing. Sweat covered my entire body; I felt it rolling down my neck onto my back as I fucked him relentlessly.

But, fuck, I was still nowhere near coming.

Panting heavily, I gave up and collapsed on top of him, my sudden movement knocking his knees from under him and forcing his body flat on the bed, the heat of his back searing into my flesh.

"Please, Jasper..." he whispered.

_Oh, fuck._

_Yes._

I gasped, resting my forehead in between his shoulder blades as my cock twitched and suddenly, I was right fucking _there_.

His voice, his skin, his smell, his sweat, and his need all coursed through me at once, triggering the delicious burn in my stomach to spread through my body so fucking instantaneously that I had to clench my eyes shut and grit my teeth to keep from blowing my load right then.

Tentatively, I rocked my hips.

_Oh my fucking God._

Nothing, absolutely nothing, had ever felt like that before. All the one night stands, all the drunken fucks, even being with Seth, none of them compared to what I felt in that moment.

That was what I needed, everything I had tried to block out was everything I had needed and wanted.

I rocked my hips again, angling them slightly, snapping them with more force.

"Oh my God, there...yeah...yeah...right there. Please...don't stop...make me come," he begged, rambling as he was completely lost to the pleasure my body was providing his.

I couldn't even muster up the usual dirty talk. Fuck, I could barely even beg him.

"_Please_...Edward." It came out as this choked whimper.

Under me, I felt his hips grinding into the bed below him, wantonly rubbing his cock against the bed for friction.

With a newly gathered strength, I bucked my hips once, twice, a third time and he was coming. As he shuddered powerfully beneath me, I vaguely registered that he was saying something.

But I had no fucking clue what he had said.

My senses were gone. Completely and utterly fucking gone.

As a white hot flash scorched through me, singeing every nerve ending with the flame of my orgasm as it finally flowed through me. My muscles clenched, twisted, tightened…and released everything in them.

I came fucking harder than I ever had before.

I continued bucking my hips, moving slower and slower each time until we were both spent. Laying my cheek against his back, my body moving up and down with each of his heavy breaths, I waited for the words I knew were coming.

'_I have to go'._

It didn't matter if I had just given him the best fuck of his life.

It didn't matter that I felt like a used whore on the street.

It didn't matter that, with those words, a little piece of my heart would break.

He still had to go home.

And he still wasn't mine.

Not wanting our moment to end, I continued to lay there, running my hands up and down his sides gently and fucking reveling in the soft, contented sighs that left him.

It didn't matter that he was fucking around.

It didn't matter that I was the no good, piece of shit who was allowing it.

And it didn't matter what the voice inside my head was screaming.

Because it just felt too damn good to stop.


	8. Chapter 7

**This is Edward's POV. We go back to JPOV next chapter. **

Four minutes. I sat there waiting, watching the clock until it changed to three minutes.

I left at the same time every day, and lately, I had been coming out my car earlier and earlier, making up an excuse of letting it warm up, or that I needed to check the fuel level.

Actually, it was that I couldn't stand being in my house anymore. Not when I had the choice between being in the house and being with Jasper. There really was no comparison. Even if I was only sitting outside the diner waiting for him, he was close, and my body knew it.

I was addicted to that feeling. The feeling he unknowingly graced me with every time he was near, hell, every time I _thought_ of him. I thought I knew love, I thought I was in love, but I was beginning to realize I was being taught a new lesson in love, and my teacher was Jasper.

Checking the time again, I quickly buckled my seatbelt before starting up my car, and heading to the one person I should have never created a friendship with.

It wasn't that I didn't value his friendship; I did, more than I should have, but it was that I wanted more. So much more than friendship and that was wrong. It was deceitful, filthy, forbidden and…I wanted it more than anything.

Jasper was so different from anyone I had ever known. Crass, vulgar, cocky, unorganized, and a procrastinator...the exact opposite of me. But he was also beautiful, talented, sweet when he wanted to be, and genuinely kind. Perhaps the kindest soul I had ever come in contact with.

No, Jasper wasn't just my friend. No matter how much I tried to deny it, he was already so much more.

Even after our mishap after the civil war exhibit, the kiss that should not have happened, I knew I wanted nothing more than to continue to spend more time with him, touch him, kiss him...feel him.

Each time I saw him, I learned something new. On the outside, he was rough and harsh, and he let very few people see the vulnerable boy inside the hard shell of the man. I was one of the precious few that witness these acts, and maybe he never intended for me to see them, maybe he considered a weakness that he was exposing, but when I observed him being the kind soul I knew he was, something in me soared, making realize as wrong as what I was doing was, it had never felt more right.

One of these acts was about a month after we had met. I was the diner for breakfast, in my usual booth, and in the booth next to me sat a mother and her young daughter. The mother was wearing a long worn cardigan, and the girl, who looked to be five or six, had on jeans with a stained tee shirt. Jasper had walked over, strutting his long limbs the way he always did, and began taking their orders. The little girl was bouncing in her seat as she tugged on her mother's sleeve, asking for waffles.

I had watched as Jasper smiled down at the girl before he crouched next to her and smiled his wide, glorious smile.

"And what can I get for you this morning, princess?" he asked, reaching up to gently tug a strand of her dark brown curls. Smiling and giggling, the little girl had told him she wanted waffles. Tapping his chin with his pen, he pretended to be confused, asking her what a waffle was and what shape they came in.

"They only come in circles," she replied, covering her mouth with her tiny hand when she laughed.

"Well, princess, that's not exactly true. I can make you a waffle shaped like Mickey Mouse," he told her, dropping his voice to a stage whisper towards the end, making it appear to be a trade secret.

"What about like a Christmas tree?" The little girl requested, her eyes lighting up at the possibilities.

Running a hand through his perfectly messy hair, he let out a low whistle. "I don't know, princess, that might be kind of tough. Tell you what, if it doesn't come out looking like the best Christmas tree waffle you've ever seen, I'll make you a Mickey Mouse one. How's that sound?"

"Okay," she said, nodding her head and smiling.

As he walked past my table, he looked at me and winked, flashing my favorite dimpled grin before heading to the grill to make a Christmas tree waffle. I don't know if he knew I had overhead his kind act, but I looked down at my magazine with a satisfied smile. I had been allowed to see a part of tender underbelly of the beast.

I fell more for him that day.

Pulling up at the diner, I waited somewhat impatiently for him to come out, almost desperate in my need to see his face and inhale his delicious scent of leather and spice. Even after a long day in the kitchen, the slight coating of grease that seemed to accompany him everywhere did nothing to mask his unique southern scent.

Slinging the diner door open, Jasper stalked to my car, a scowl masking his angelic features.

"Jasper, are you okay?" I asked, concerned as to why he looked so weary.

Slamming the car door, he replied, "Really bad fuckin' day."

I took a deep breath, letting his aroma fill my lungs.

I was a little shocked at his tone, he had never snapped at me before.

"Do you want me to just drop you off at home? We can skip movie night if you're not up for company," I offered, even as my heart sank a bit at the thought of not spending the night with him, I would give him the space he needed.

"No, Edward, I'm fine, I promise. I just need to get home and have a beer," and then much lower, he said, "or twelve."

With stiff shoulders, and a twelve pack of beer we had stopped by the market for under his arm, he unlocked the door to his place and ushered me inside.

"Sorry for the mess," he said unapologetically as he tossed his keys on the table next to the couch.

It hadn't changed since the last time I was there; in fact, I think the same pair of dirty socks sat in the corner of the small room.

Jasper's apartment wasn't large in size or even that well kept. It was small, a little more than a studio, but it was enough for him. The kitchen cabinets needed to be repainted, the brown carpet in his living room needed to be replace and his bedroom door didn't shut properly. He hated it, I could tell but I found myself noticing the flaws of it less and less the more time I spent there.

The only conversation that night consisted of Jasper ranting about his bad day at work while I listened patiently. The tips had been bad, the customers were overall rude, and someone had insulted Harry, which had nearly made Jasper loose his cool and his job.

Harry was a homeless man that hung around outside the diner on most days.

No one really knew his story, but it was rumored that his wife and child were killed a car crash. Harry had been driving, something ran out in front of him and he swerved, running the car into a tree. While he was cleared of driving under the influence, the rumors said he and his wife had been fighting, and that alcohol was on his breath but because he had had friends in the police station, that evidence was covered.

Regardless, after their deaths, he had given up on life. Quit his work, sat at home until the bank foreclosed on him, and he lost the house he had shared with his wife. Homeless, he wandered the streets, and could be found anywhere from the corner of main street to the bridge by the tracks. Sometimes he would disappear days or weeks on end. No one really knows where he went, and somehow, he always returned.

I had seen him up close once. I had been walking and took a shortcut through the graveyard when I saw him kneeling before the graves of his wife and son. Sobbing, he covered his eyes with one hand as he lovingly stroked the hard marble with the other.

One day shortly after that, Jasper had gone out back to take out the trash. I had been inside reading American Journal of Medicine and grew concerned when Jasper hadn't come back immediately. Just as I was about to check on him, the back door opened and Jasper stepped through, his arm around Harry as he guided him to a booth. Dressed in nothing but a threadbare sweatshirt and torn jeans, Harry shivered his teeth chattering from sitting on the cold ground outside. Running to the back office, Jasper had emerged with a large coat and immediately brought it over to Harry, covering his shoulders with it before patting him on the back.

"Let's get you fed, old timer," Jasper smiled as he went to the kitchen.

Completely fascinated, I watched as Jasper had brought him bowl after bowl of steaming soup and hot coffee. Everyone stared, curious and amazed, but Jasper never paid them any attention, he just kept serving the customers and checking on Harry every so often.

"Finally get enough?" Jasper had asked him with a grin.

Harry nodded and looked up at Jasper with a grateful awe.

Jasper hadn't cared about the stories or the rumors; he hadn't cared about Harry's history or any mistakes he might have made.

All Jasper had seen was a man who needed help.

"All right, old timer, right down the street is a shelter. I bet if you head down there now, you can probably get a bed for the night. And if you ever find yourself starvin' again, you come see me. There'll always a bowl of soup with your name on it," Jasper paused and looked at the numerous empty bowls on the table, "Or a few," he finished with a big grin.

Harry came back to the diner every day after that and Jasper always served him, graduating from giving just soup to soup and a sandwich, finishing with a piece of pie. Never once did Jasper take any money Harry had offered to pay.

I had seen Jasper write up the order, and put the money in the register out of his pocket for the tab.

Often, if it was slow, Jasper would sit and talk to him, listening to Harry's stories of days gone by, doing nothing but offering a few smiles and nods.

When I had asked Jasper why he treated Harry that way, he answered, "He just needs someone to cut him a fuckin' break. I know what it's like to have a past. At least, I can help him live with his, even if it's just with some fuckin' soup."

Eventually his ranting stopped and we put on the movie, which I ignored. Instead I watched Jasper as he drank beer after beer after beer, slouching down on the couch the more intoxicated he became, until he eventually passed out. Even inebriated, he looked angelic. His blond waves hanging over his eyes, the five o'clock shadow that covered his jaw, his long lashes resting on his high cheek bones. There was no God or human that could compare to his beauty, and I would have been happy to spend my life studying his features.

Particularly, his perfectly shaped, full lips. Naturally rosy in color, I often imagined them on my body, exploring every inch of me and bringing me pleasure I had never known.

I wanted to feel them everywhere.

With a low groan, I adjusted myself, letting my hard-on subside before attempting to wake him up. Sadly, I sighed and realized it was getting late and I needed to head home.

"Jasper, come on, let's get you to bed."

Opening his eyes, he smiled lazily at me as I slipped my arm under him and began lifting him from the couch. Once I had him standing, I wrapped my arm around his waist and attempted to steady him with the other. Even though he reeked of beer, I could still smell his distracting scent, intoxicating me in an entirely different way. As I steadied him, my mind screamed for me to push him back down to the couch and kiss him like I wanted to...among other things I had no business thinking of.

"You smell so fuckin' good," he drawled in a thicker than usual accent. Leaning forward, he rested his face in the crook of my neck, moaning lowly in my ear and muttering something about how good I smelled again. I whimpered in response, wanting nothing more than to make him moan for different reasons.

I needed space before I did something I knew I would regret. Feeling his weight against me, his scent filling me was difficult enough, but the throaty moans just about destroyed me.

He wanted me, and I wanted nothing more than to give myself to him.

Pushing him back some, I just barely had his head off my shoulder before he mumbled, "Fuck, you have the sexiest fuckin' jaw, y'know that?"

"Jasper..." I breathed, surprised to hear that my voice had also taken on a husky quality. His arousal was unmistakable, pushing into my hip with the smallest movements of his body and in turn destroying all of my previous efforts to keep my hard on at bay. Knowing that I was affecting him did something to me; I wanted to show him that I was worth wanting, I wanted him to know what I could to his body with my hands and my mouth. I wanted to please him in every way.

I wanted to see him writher under me, his body unable to contain the pleasure I brought forth. I wanted to see him climax from my touch.

Only a few feet into his bedroom, he stumbled again, and I wrapped his arm around my shoulders, hoping he could at least hang on so I didn't have to literally drag him all the way to the bed.

"Takin' me to bed, huh, sugar? You gonna join me?" he laughed, though it didn't sound like a joke.

It sounded like an invitation.

One that I wanted to accept so very badly.

Trying to be as gentle as possible, I laid him on his bed and turned away, intending to pull the covers over him when I felt his hand on my wrist.

"Come ere'," he slurred, he eyes slipping closed as he pulled me to him. His hand moved from my wrist to my waist as his other hand came up as well, gripping my hips and pulling me down to him on the bed, my body instinctively straddled his waist.

In this dangerous, yet wonderful, position, I felt all of him. He was hard, so very hard, and I watched, completely frozen, as his eyes fluttered closed again. I didn't dare move, too afraid that if I did, it wouldn't have been to get off the bed, but instead to lean down and capture his lips with my own.

My body was humming, that wonderful electric sensation coursing through me and I couldn't stop myself from finally leaning down, pressing my chest against his. Our lips were grazing, almost kissing and all I wanted to close the distance. He was still as I brushed my lips over his and I knew he was thinking the same thing I was.

I shouldn't be doing this.

But I was. He was. We were.

And nothing ever felt more right.

Then, with his hands still gripping my waist, his hips thrust upwards, his arousal shoving into mine and I bit my lip, trying to stop the moan that wanted to escape. He, however, did moan, deep and throaty and I grasped his shirt tightly, needing to occupy my hands so I wouldn't reach for the button on his jeans. His continual thrusting was quickly pushing me to the brink of sanity.

I should never have been in that position...I should never have been there in the first place. Where I should have been was home, waiting for Jake to arrive so I could make love him and show him that I still wanted him, show him that I didn't want anyone else. He hadn't felt that from me in a long time.

But I couldn't. The only place I wanted to be was right there, in Jasper's bed. Feeling him against me was unlike anything I could describe or explain. It wasn't just perfect, it was euphoric, so amazing in every way that stopping almost seemed impossible, no matter what the consequences were.

I wanted him and he wanted me.

If only it could have been that simple.

"Fuck, Edward, ya' see what ya' do to me...all the fuckin' time?" he groaned, our lips brushing every time he spoke. "Fuck, you feel so fuckin' good, sugar."

"Oh, God..." I whispered, clenching my eyes shut as my head lulled backward, the pleasure of his dirty words and the movements of his body were too much for me to handle.

It wasn't right, I knew it wasn't right. I had a wonderful partner who had absolutely no clue what I was doing, completely oblivious to the fact that I was currently straddling another man's lap.

A man that I wanted nothing more than to be his lover.

Jake doesn't deserve this.

Looking back down at Jasper, I was so torn. I wanted to stay, wanted to finish what he had started but at the same time, I wanted to go. I wanted to be good for Jake, the way I used to be before Jasper walked into my life.

Jasper seemed to notice my internal battle, recognition flashing in his eyes before sadness, his head turning away from me immediately. He took a few deep breaths before turning back to me, his hand coming up to my face and brushing my unruly hair off away before cupping my cheek gently in his palm.

"Go home, Edward." The words weren't spoken harshly, but they still stung. I knew why he had said them, but that didn't negate the fact that I didn't want to go home, I wanted to stay there...with him. Or, at least, part of me did.

But I knew he was right.

Leaning into his hand, I enjoyed the feeling of his skin against mine for a few moments longer, not ready to lose that wonderful feeling and I sighed, knowing that my time was up and that this was it. Nodding slowly, I climbed off of his bed, denying myself one last glance at him and heading straight for the living room where I slipped on my shoes as quickly as possible before leaving his apartment.

I cried on the drive home. For myself, for Jasper...and even for Jake.

That night, lying in my bed, I felt Jake slip in behind me, his arm going around my waist as his lips pressed to the back of my neck. So oblivious to everything I had done that night, he held me and kissed me everywhere he could reach, murmuring 'I love you' and slipping his hand under my tee shirt to rub my chest and stomach. I pretended to be asleep, not ready to face him or let him see my tear stained cheeks.

I couldn't tell him. There was no way I could tell him that I wanted someone else. Jacob had given up everything for me; his family, his friends, his entire childhood. He had come out to his father at the age of sixteen, declaring he was gay and my boyfriend. His father wanted nothing to do with hit, claiming he couldn't watch his son disgrace their heritage by being with another man.

He disowned him.

Soon after, his entire family followed suit and his friends from the reservation, boys he had grown up with, started ignoring his calls and pretending he didn't exist. Most people would have crawled back and begged for acceptance or forgiveness.

Jake didn't.

He stayed with me.

Luckily, my parents had been very accepting and allowed Jake to move in with us until school was finished.

He hadn't talked to his family in eight years.

He gave up everything for me, reassuring me of his love and that I mattered more than everything he had lost. Now, after so many years, he was still reassuring me and I was betraying him. I couldn't take my mistakes back though, all I could do was fix them, show him again that he was the one I loved and wanted.

Quickly, he fell asleep,and I followed soon after with a promise of never hurting him again.

I slammed the door unusually hard before peeling off my coat and hanging on the rack in the hallway. As I toed off my shoes, I smelled it.

Lasagna.

And I was willing to bet money a garden salad sat on the table.

Entering the kitchen, I confirmed my bet, and took in the romantic setting. Two off-white pillar candles flickered, soft classical music played on the iHome and our best dishware was set on the table.

Turning the corner carrying a tray of garlic bread, his eyes lit up when he saw me. "You're home! I didn't hear you come in," he said as he set the tray down and quickly made his way to me. Slinging his arms around my neck, he placed a gentle kiss on my lips before squeezing me to him. "I missed you today, baby," he sighed before pulling away. "Did things ever get better after we talked?" he called out as he left the room.

"A little," I lied.

"Have a seat, beautiful. Let me get you some wine." He returned with a bottle of chardonnay and as I made my way to my seat, he poured me a glass. Sipping it, I couldn't help but smile at him. "Oh, I have something for you," he said, leaving me once again. When he returned, there were a dozen red roses in his hand. "These are for you," he leaned down, placing them on the table before me.

My hands went to his hips, and I pulled him into my lap, laying my head on his chest, I whispered. "Thank you."

Combing his fingers through my hair, he kissed the top of my head. "You sounded so upset when I called you on lunch. You want to talk about it, baby?"

No, I didn't. It wasn't that my day had been particularly stressful but I was still feeling upset about the night before with Jasper. I had avoided bringing him to work that morning, opting to call Val and ask her to do it instead so that I wouldn't have to face him. I needed to stay away from him if I wanted any chance at keeping my promise about never hurting Jake again, even though I hoped Jake would never have to find out about that promise.

"No, no just..." I didn't finish because I couldn't verbalize what I needed in that moment. It was selfish of me, wanting his comfort and latching on to the affection he was showing me but I couldn't stop myself. It felt too good to have his arms around me, somehow healing my guilty conscience in a way. Instead of trying to explain, I just nuzzled into his broad chest and drew in a deep breath of his scent, my arms slipping around his waist and pulling him tightly to me.

He released a pleased sigh. "Mmm, I love you," he murmured before pressing his lips to my forehead. "I have to go pull out the lasagna, but feel free to start on the salad."

We spent dinner sitting next to each other, he filled me on his day and I tried to ignore mine. As animated as ever, he told me about the mishaps he had had at work that day and I even managed to laugh. For a brief moment, things felt normal.

But they were anything but.

After dinner, we cleared the dishes and when I entered the kitchen with the last of them, he shooed me away, telling me to rest while he finished cleaning up. I refused, insisting on helping him. He finally agreed, but only if we could take a bath together when we were finished.

Sure enough, as soon as the last dish was in the dishwasher, and the counters were wiped down, he was dragging me into the bedroom to undress of our bath. After stripping, he put his hands on my hips and led me to the bathroom where he started the water. As the steam curled up and surrounded us, he kissed every inch of me reverently, worshipping my body in ways I no longer deserved.

"Come on, it's ready," he encouraged, tugging on my hand, he stepped into the tub and sat down, his back against the end. Carefully, I stepped in and sat between his legs, leaning back against his solid chest.

I felt safe and secure and loved.

All the things I didn't deserve.

With only the sound of the running water, he held me until the tub filled up. Lifting his foot out of the water, he hit the lever and turned the water off. The water sloshed as he leaned to the side to get a washcloth and soap.

"Why don't we go on vacation? Nothing spectacular or anything. We could rent a cabin in Spokane for the week, celebrate New Years there," he implored, running the washcloth over my chest and kissing my neck every so often. "No work, no school, no interruptions. Just you and me." Dropping the washcloth, he ran his bare hand over my stomach in sweeping motions as his kisses on my neck became less chaste. "Mmm, I could take my time worshipping your body like I used to. Make love by a fire, in the bed, on the kitchen counter..." His hand had finally descended to my semi-hard cock, caressing it gently while licking a line from my shoulder to my ear, taking the lobe in his mouth and moaning softly as he thrust his hips against my backside, his erection already pulsing.

It had been so long since we had touched, really touched, and I could imagine the toll it was taking on him. Before, we barely made it two days without making love, even if we were both exhausted from work or life in general, we always made time to show our love for one another. But over the last month, I had avoided it as much as possible, often using lame excuses such as an early meeting or not feeling well. I was sure he knew that there was something else going on but Jake wasn't the type to push, assuming that I would come to him if something was really wrong.

Jasper, and my growing feelings toward him, wasn't something I could go to him with, though. There was no way that I could explain to Jake that it wasn't what he was doing, it was who he was.

Or, more accurately, who he wasn't.

I wanted to feel a lean, lithe body pushing into me, not a full, muscled one. I wanted to run my fingers through wavy, coarse blond hair, not black, silky locks. The skin I wanted to kiss and lick was not a dark, Native tone, but rather paler, a light sun-kissed tan. I wanted to gaze into deep blue eyes, not deep brown ones.

I wanted Jasper.

Not Jake.

Not my partner of eight years, but a man I had only known a little more than a month.

"Jake," I sighed, not able to finish my thought because I couldn't do that to him. How could I tell him how I was feeling without making him feel inadequate? He wasn't inadequate, he just wasn't Jasper and that thought alone made me ill.

After releasing my cock and placing his hand back on my stomach, he released a heavy sigh as his forehead pressed between my shoulders, a long moment of silence passed before he spoke. "What did I do, baby?" His voice was full of pain, timid and small, nothing like how he usually sounded; loud, boisterous, full of life.

At that moment, he just sounded...broken.

I couldn't do it.

Without saying a word, I stood up and stepped out of the bathtub, grabbing a towel from the rack and wrapping it around my waist before leaving the bathroom. I was already slipping into my jeans when I felt him come up behind me. Spinning me around by my shoulders, he glanced down at my clothing in confusion, wondering why I was getting dressed at such a late hour, I presumed, before bringing his eyes back to mine.

"Edward, you gotta talk to me, babe, I can't help unless you talk to me. Please. You've never...been like this and I don't know what's going on." He took a shaky breath. "I mean... you barely even look at me anymore." His voice cracked at the end before he dropped his gaze, tucking his chin to his chest.

I had never seen him look so vulnerable before and I was absolutely disgusted with myself for doing that to him.

I just wanted it all to stop, I couldn't handle it. Too much was happening, I was too close to telling him everything to stop the confusion and hurt he was feeling. Gripping my hair in my fists, I clenched my eyes shut and fought to control my breathing. It felt like the room was spinning and I was running out of air. I was suffocating from the guilt and remorse and sheer hatred I felt for myself as it wrapped tight around my throat, the anguish on his sweet face from my actions only serving as the final tug at my noose. I had to leave.

"I can't do this," I whispered, before turning to leave our bedroom.

"Edward, wait," he called out and I could hear him following closely behind me. Grabbing my arm, he spun me around, cupping my face in his warm hands as soon as I was facing him. "Baby, please, let me in. Tell me what's going on." He pleaded, his eyes searching mine for answers that I couldn't give.

"Jacob, I just need some time to think, I need to be alone right now. Please...please, just let me go," I begged, closing my eyes again because I couldn't handle seeing the rejection and hurt that filled his.

After a few moments of tense silence, he finally dropped his hands and when I opened my eyes again, I saw that his eyes were closed and tears were leaking from the corners, sliding down his cheeks. He looked utterly defeated and what was left of my heart shattered in my chest.

"I'll give you anything you need, baby," he murmured before releasing an unsteady breath against me. "You used to know that." He finished in a whisper before turning and walking back to our room, his large shoulders slumped forward and his head hanging down.

Our bedroom door shut with a quiet click that resonated through me, shaking me to my very core. If I didn't get out right then, I would have collapsed in the hallway from the weight of my guilt. Dragging my feet as quickly as possible, I finally made it to my car and slid inside, shutting the door with a little more force than necessary before resting my head against the steering wheel.

Why? Why was this happening to me? Before Jasper, I was happy, I was content, I was everything that I had ever wanted to be. The moment I walked into that diner had screwed everything up and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't reverse it. I wasn't even sure that I wanted to.

Jake made me happy but Jasper made me...completely blissful. My skin didn't buzz and hum when I touched Jake like it did with Jasper. Jake's laugh couldn't brighten my entire mood the way Jasper's could. Jake's smile didn't make my knees weak the way Jasper's did.

Slamming my fist against the steering wheel, I swore at myself.

I had left my house, wanting to get it away from it all, the guilt, the pain, the look of utter defeat in Jake's eyes that I could relate to so well. Not even aware of where I was going, I had just driven, the roads, signs and lights becoming nothing but a blur as I sped past them all.

Until I parked and looked up at the neon sign. I hadn't wanted to go there, but it was beyond my control, and I was beginning to realize that.

I had no control over my growing need and feelings for Jasper. My life was all about control, and here I was ready to give it up. I had lost it and had no hope of getting it back.

I don't know how I had ended up there, wanting another man's touch so much it drove me from my house and my partner. Only, I knew it had.

And I was tired of fighting it.

Resigned, I opened the door and got out, making my way to the door of the diner. Through the mist, I could see him in the darkened diner gathering items off the tables and putting them on trays, a look of frustration on his beautiful face. My hand trembled and my heart raced as I reached out and opened the door.

"Sign says 'closed' buddy," he muttered, not bothering to look up from the bottle of dripping syrup. I stood still and waited for him to see me, the diner lit only by the moonlight and a small light behind the counter. With a frustrated sigh, he finally turned and saw me, shock hitting him briefly before his eyes scanned over me. I stepped forward, my breaths coming in quick gasps, my shoulders tense and my hands clenching at my sides.

"Edward, what are you doin' here? You alright?" he asked tentatively, taking a few steps toward me.

No.

I was far from alright. I would never be alright again since he entered my life. Lost, I stared at him, begging him without words to hear me, my thoughts to just…know.

_Please. Help me._

Cautiously, he took a few more small steps toward me. "Edward, what's wrong?"

Glancing around, I looked behind the counter for Val. "Is everyone gone?" I asked, trembling.

He swallowed loudly, "Yes."

I just stood there. Not really knowing what to do. I wasn't even really sure why I was there, what I was hoping to accomplish besides destroying the one good thing in my life.

But Jasper was worth it.

I knew that then. As he stood there, concerned, confused and positively gorgeous, I knew he was worth every moment of guilt and grief I was going through.

It was time to tell him. To show him.

Turning to my left, I reached out and locked the diner door. When I turned around, Jasper was eyeing me with a mixture of excitement and fear.

Slowly, I unclenched my fists and flexed my fingers. Without warning to him or me, I stepped forward, my hands fisting his tee shirt, pulling him toward me.

Pure relief swept through me. Just that simple connection with him had my body singing, humming strongly with that delicious buzz and everything melted away. There was no way to explain it but he was there, in my arms and it was all I needed.

I had known it all along. It was him.

Laying my head on his shoulder, I let his warmth caress me as I let out a shaky breath, gathering the strength to say the words I had longed to tell him for so long.

"I need you," I whispered.

Never had I spoken more truthful words.


	9. Chapter 8

Tapping my fingers against my thigh, I sat on my couch, waiting impatiently for Edward to arrive. It was a Tuesday and he was already ten minutes late, which was really fucking odd for him. I swear he had to have every thing set by a clock. The man didn't piss unless it was time to. Being late for anything was like breaking the fucking law in Edward's mind so the fact that he was late was making me fucking worry.

Yeah, I was fucking dick whipped. I had accepted it.

I didn't fucking like it, but I had accepted it.

The only nights we had to spend together was when Jacob went to his poker games. Two fucking nights together was all I got. I should have been pissed off or, at the very fucking least, upset that we had specific days that we could see each other. But I wasn't. My dumb ass actually got giddy every Tuesday and Thursday, practically counting down the fucking minutes until I could have him back in my bed again.

Ridiculous. I know.

I mean, sure, we saw each other every morning at the diner, as well as after he got off of work, but that was different. At the diner, I couldn't kiss him or touch him or tell him how much I wanted his cock down my throat just to see his sexy blush. As much as I enjoyed watching him eat and flirt with me from across the room, it was nothing compared to having him in my apartment, where I enjoyed watching his beautiful face contort in bliss as he came from my cock in his ass.

I probably should have felt bad for Jacob. I tried to not think much about the guy because every time I fucking did my heart would clench a bit at the time they got to spend together. Every minute Edward was with him was one less with me. Edward didn't talk about Jacob much, which was fucking fine with me, but Jacob seemed like a decent guy. But clearly he wasn't doing something right or Edward wouldn't have come to me to begin with. Why should I feel bad for someone who was careless enough to let a man like Edward slip away?

However, that didn't mean I wasn't upset about it, strictly for selfish reasons, of course. Edward had never mentioned leaving Jacob for me, but a part of me wished he would. Even if it was an empty promise, just fucking something to let me know he cared for me. I mean, I didn't need much, it wasn't like I was fucking in love with him or anything ...yet.

Fuck. Where was he?

Standing up, I walked away from my couch and the four steps to my kitchen, pacing back and forth in the small space as my agitation starting getting the best of me. He could have at least fucking called or text me, anything to let me know he wasn't coming. Not only was it fucking rude, it was also-

_Knock. _

My breath left me in a rush and I crossed the small space to my front door quickly, relieved and pissed off all at the same time. Wrenching the door open, all of my fucking agitation and anger left when I saw the apologetic look on his face.

Fucking hell, he was so beautiful.

"You fuckin' scared the shit out of me, Edward."

Stepping inside, he grabbed my hand and pulled me to him, his touch sending tingles up my arm. "I'm sorry, Jasper," he said sincerely, barely finishing the sentence before he lips met mine.

Over and over our lips met softly, the feeling leaving me so God damn dizzy that I couldn't even lift my arms to wrap them around him. Good damn thing though because when I parted my lips to deepen the kiss, Edward made a growling sound deep in his throat and before I could even register the fucking movement, he had slammed the door with his foot and spun me around.

Pushing me against the door, he took control and parted my lips with his tongue, shudders ripping through his body when my tongue met his.

Fuck. Assertive Edward was fucking hot.

Kissing me hard, his hands slipped into my hair, tugging it just how I fucking liked it and thrusting his hard cock into mine. My arms instinctively went around his waist, holding him tight against me as I met his thrust with a harder one of my own. Yeah, I could have easily fucking came just from that.

Panting, he broke the kiss, only to move his fucking talented to lips to my neck. I had expected a kiss, maybe even a fucking lick or something...what I wasn't expecting was for him to suddenly sink his teeth into my skin. Hard.

"Ung, fuck!" I cried, slamming my hips into his as the delicious, intense mixture of pleasure and pain shot straight to my cock.

Releasing my flesh from his teeth, he placed a gentle kiss on his mark before skimming his mouth to my ear, his hot breath against me giving me fucking goose bumps.

"Take me to your bedroom," he whispered, his voice deeper and fucking sexy as hell.

_Hell yes._

I moved my hands from his waist to his hips and guided him backwards toward my bedroom. Our lips never left each other as he stumbled down the hallway and bumped into the door jam to my room.

"Fuck. Sorry," I mumbled against him and opened my eyes. When the back of his knees hit the edge of my bed, he stopped and broke the kiss. With his fucking sexy smirk on his face, he reached down and pulled his argyle sweater over his head, folded it and then put it on the chair in the corner. Seductively, he undid the buttons to his shirt one by fucking one.

I watched. I might have even fucking drooled.

When he reached the last one and the shirt fell open, I bit my lip as my eyes traveled from his smirk down his exposed chest. No one would ever fucking know that underneath those Clark Kent clothes he wore was the body of fucking Superman. Carved from steel and hotter than fuck. Sliding the shirt down his arms, he folded it and laid it on top of his sweater.

Even his OCfuckingD was a turn on.

I stared at his fucking hands while they unbuckled his belt and the button on his khakis. Just as he went to unzip them, he stopped.

Just fucking stopped.

"Are you going to…" he asked me, almost fucking blushing at asking me if I was going to get naked with him. As if I fucking wouldn't.

Eagerly, I nodded. "You just got me all fuckin' distracted and shit," I shrugged. With lightening speed, I had toed off my shoes, pulled off my socks and tee shirt and had my jeans at my ankles by the time his were even over his ass. After tugging them off my feet, I stood fucking naked and hard before him, a little fucking smug when I saw the look on his face at the fact that I had gone commando. He kicked his shoes off, making sure they were lined up right next to each other, before yanking off his socks and then he fucking finally let his pants fall to the floor.

He was all mine now.

For a few fucking precious seconds, we just stared at each other. I wondered what was going through his mind. Did he regret being there, or was he only concentrating on us?

Licking my lips, my hand curled around the back of his neck and I brought his mouth to mine. I could tell he wanted to bend over and pick up his pants but I was eager to get the show on the fucking road.

Our fucking time was limited.

"Leave 'em," I murmured as our lips met and my tongue instantly entered his mouth. Once they touched, his pants were long forgotten and his fucking moan made me forget to breath. Gasping, I pulled away and let my lips brush along his unshaven jaw on their way to his earlobe. His hands were on my ass, groping me, keeping me to him, our cocks getting reacquainted with their slick juices.

"Fuckin' smell so good," I groaned and I swear I felt the fucking heat of his blush.

"Lay down for me," he whispered against my lips, pushing my chest lightly until I fell back on the bed. "Spread your legs."

Spreading my legs, I watched as he grabbed the lube from my nightstand before climbing on the bed and settling between my legs. Popping open the lube, he coated his fingers and then smiled at me as he slipped his hand in between his long legs. At first, I thought he lubing his cock, which fucking freaked me out a bit because he knew I was strictly a top and he hadn't even put on a fucking condom but then I saw a grimace cross over his face before quickly turning to pleasure and I realized what he was doing.

He was preparing himself for my cock. That was easily the hottest fucking thing I had ever seen and I wasn't even actually seeing it but simply knowing was enough to make my cock ache with need.

Then he started licking the head of my cock, never closing his lips around me, just teasing me with his talented mouth.

I was torn between telling him to deep throat my fucking cock or turn around and let me watch as he fingered himself. The decision was made for me when he nipped at my head with his teeth, my eyes rolling back in my head as I gripped his hair hard, his moan of approval fucking shooting down my cock.

Panting, I watched as his pouty lips slid down my dick, his gorgeous face showing his pleasure as he continued to prepare himself for my cock. Gritting my teeth, I could already feel my balls tightening and I had to close my eyes, the sensual sight in front of me quickly pushing me to the fucking edge. Just as I was about to stop him, he released my cock and sat up, his eyes so fucking dark with desire, it made me shiver.

Grabbing a condom from the nightstand, he ripped it open and rolled it down my length, staring at my cock like he wanted to fucking devour me. His cheeks were flushed and he was panting, licking his parted lips as he coated my cock with lube.

"You're so beautiful," he mumbled, almost to himself before glancing up at my face. It wasn't the first time I had been called that, I knew it was true but the way he said it made my stomach flip. How could he even fucking think about me being beautiful when he was there, looking like some Greek god or something.

I was nothing compared to him. In more ways than just appearance.

Straddling my hips, one of his hands braced against my chest as the other guided me towards his hole. And fuck, he had me so God damn worked up, I was afraid I was going to come as soon as I was in him. Using his weight, he sat on my cock, stopping with only my head inside him and I groaned. It just felt so fucking good. He didn't move right away, choosing to tug and twist my nipple rings and clench his muscles so tightly around my cock it took my fucking breath away.

_Fuck, I'm gonna lose it._

"Sugar, you're gonna make me-" I cut off with a low growl as he clenched around me again. My hands came up to grip his hips hard. "Oh fuck, Edward, you have to move...feels so God damn good. I'm not gonna last..."

He had me worked up so much that I wasn't even ashamed that I was acting like a fucking teenager. He was so damn good and judging by the slight smirk on his face, he fucking knew it.

Finally, fucking finally, he slid all the way down my cock, so fucking slowly, clamping his muscles around me every so often until I was fully sheathed in his tight ass.

"Oh, God, Jasper...feels so..." he panted, throwing his head back and digging his nails into my pecs.

"I know," I replied, sliding my hands up his defined stomach and chest to play with his nipples.

Being inside him, feeling him all around me just got better and better each time. The way he responded to my every touch, my every movement was the sexiest thing I had ever seen and I would never get enough of it.

Rocking his hips, he began riding my cock, leaning down so that his chest was flush with mine and burying his face in my neck. I brought my hands to his soft hair, tugging his face back to mine and capturing his sweet lips. Languidly, we kissed as he made the slightest rocking movements with his hips, not enough to get us off but enough to drive us into a fucking frenzy.

When I couldn't take it anymore, I broke the kiss and moved to his ear, biting it softly before whisper, "Ride my cock, sugar."

Shivering, he sat up and looked at me with smoldering eyes, circling his hips and smiling when I whimpered.

He was fucking teasing me. It was definitely a side of Edward I had never seen before. I had always been the playful, teasing one while he had sat back and blushed and hid his face. But this time, he was actually taunting me.

And I was fucking loving it.

That didn't mean I wasn't going to tease him back.

Good for the fucking goose is good for the fucking gander and all that shit.

Grasping his hard cock, I swirled my thumb around the head, gathering up his leaking precum and, looking up at him through my lashes, brought it to my mouth and sucked it off. His breath fucking hitched and he moaned softly, his eyes falling shut and rocking his hips more insistently.

"Ready to stop teasing me now, sugar?" I asked, gripping his hips again to still his movements.

Biting his lip, he made a low whining noise in his throat and nodded rapidly, subtly shifting his hips to try to get me to move. Fuck, I wanted to bite his lip for him.

Giving in, I planted my feet flat on the bed and started thrusting up, the shocks of pleasure spreading throughout me each time I slid back into him. Responsive as ever, Edward's noises changed from soft moans and whimpers to grunts and deep groans. His hands never stayed still; tugging at my nipple rings, caressing my stomach, scraping his nails down my chest.

But never once, did he touch his cock.

Moving one hand from his hip, I began playing with the head of his dick, teasing his slit and fingering the ridge around it, never fully gripping or stroking him. I could feel him pulsing though, signaling that he was getting close and I silently thanked God because I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold out. I was too fucking worked up from his teasing me with his beautiful body.

And then, fuck me, Edward started talking dirty and I knew I was done for.

"God, Jasper...I think about this all the time...how you fill me up so perfectly, so deep and hot and...ohhhh, Jazz..."

It wasn't dirty by my standards but it was dirty for him and my cock seemed to like it a lot, throbbing and swelling as I tried to hold back my orgasm.

"Edward, sugar, I won't last much longer...come on, fuckin' come for me, please," I pleaded.

Shaking his head, he proceeded to bounce on my cock hard and fast, twisting my nipple rings at the same time and I felt it building. I was going to come and there was no fighting it back.

"Come inside me, Jazz..."

And I fucking exploded.

Grasping his hips so tightly that my knuckles turned white, I thrust hard into him quickly three more times before it hit me full force, squeezing my eyes shut and practically fucking roaring. It seemed to last for-fucking-ever, my entire body rigid as I rode it out, the usual string of curse words leaving my mouth.

Finally, I came back to fucking Earth and I opened my eyes to see Edward, still very aroused but smiling widely, pleased that he had given me such an intense orgasm.

"God damn..." I panted, reaching up to grab his dick so I could return the favor. Once again, he shook his head and lifted up, holding the condom as he slid off my deflating cock before tossing it in the garbage can next to my bed.

Crawling forward on his knees, he straddling my chest and grabbed his cock, rubbing it across my parted lips and I realized what he wanted, why he hadn't let me stroke him while he rode me.

He wanted me to suck him off.

Fuck. Yes.

"Please," he begged, staring down at me with half hooded eyes and looking sexy as fuck. He had said 'please' like there was a chance I would've said no.

Swiping my tongue across his slit, I kept my eyes on his as I lapped at his cock, smirking when I felt a shudder run through his body. Bracing one hand against the headboard, he weaved his other hand into my hair, his blunt nails scratching my scalp as I gripped his ass and pushed him forward. His cock slid into my mouth and when I swallowed around his head, Edward whimpered and clenched his eyes shut, tucking his chin to his chest and panting heavily.

Hollowing out my cheeks, I sucked hard, enjoying the steady flow of salty precum that hit my taste buds. Opening his eyes again, I watched as they rolled back and he moaned. "So beautiful when you suck me...yeah, I'm coming..." he cried, thrusting into my mouth as I felt the first spurt hit the back of my throat.

Gripping my hair tightly, he grunted as each wave of his orgasm rocked his entire fucking body, shuddering forcefully. When his orgasm subsided, I continued sucking until he softened in my mouth, chuckling when he pulled back and collapsed next to me on the bed.

"Damn, sugar," I exclaimed breathlessly, pulling him into my side and kissing his fucking crazy beautiful hair. My body felt like liquid as the relaxation washed over me, a comfortable vibration coursing through me from his closeness.

Instead of replying, he buried his face into my shoulder and groaned lightly. Confused, I nudged my shoulder and asked him to look at me. When he didn't, I shifted, rolling on to my side and pushing him to his back so I could see his face. He kept his eyes closed but that sexy as fuck, unmistakable blush was covering his already flushed cheeks and down his chest.

He was blushing now?

He had just fucked me stupid, talked dirty and made me swallow his come and he's blushing _now_?

"Edward? What's wrong, sugar?"

Opening his eyes, he looked at me and his embarrassment was written all over his face. Embarrassment for what, I had no fucking idea but it was pretty fucking cute nonetheless.

"I- I've never...I mean, that wasn't..." he cut himself off, closing his eyes again and sighing heavily, "I'm usually not so...bold. In case you haven't noticed." His voice was barely above a whisper and I wanted to fucking laugh at his insanity and hug him all at the same time.

_A hug? What the fuck is wrong with me? _

"Edward, look at me." He didn't open his eyes. "Sugar, c'mon, look at me, please."

He finally listened, opening his eyes and, if possible, blushing even harder. Leaning down, I brushed my lips across his for a moment before trailing them over his cheek and up to his ear, enjoying the way his breathing accelerated again from my light touch.

"That was the hottest fuckin' thing I have ever seen, sugar. Trust me when I say that you have absolutely no reason to be embarrassed," I whispered honestly. "You made me come so fuckin' hard." I finished by nibbling on his ear and I was pretty sure the blush I knew he was sporting was sure to stain his cheeks.

Turning his head, he captured my lips in a heated kiss, rolling on his side and slipping his hand over my waist so that his hand rested right above my ass. I returned it eagerly, slipping my knee between his and pulling him as close as possible. I'm not sure how long we stayed that way, kissing and caressing, just fucking enjoying each other. Nothing had ever felt so perfect as his sweat slicked body against my own, his fucking sweet lips on mine and his hands roaming my bare back.

It was fucking perfect.

Finally, we separated and he buried his face in my neck, sighing happily when I kissed his hair and rested my head on his.

"I'm sorry I scared you earlier," he muttered.

I swallowed hard against the sarcastic comment that was fighting its way up my throat. I wanted to be pissed that he had made me worry but I just couldn't. I was too happy, too content to let my anger and insecurities get the best of me.

"It's okay, sugar. It's just not like you to fuckin' be late, you know?" I said softly, pulling back so I could look into his eyes. "Where were you?" I asked, already feeling like an ass for it because it wasn't really any of my fucking business but I couldn't stop myself.

I should have known I would regret asking. Curiosity killed the cat, after all.

"You really don't want me to answer that, Jasper," he replied, his voice guarded and his eyes dropping so that he was staring at my chest, his entire body went rigid.

Or curiosity ripped the cat's heart out and stomped on it _before_ killing it.

"Yeah, I do."

Silence. That was all I got for a long time before he finally raised his eyes back to mine, searching them for a long while before he grimaced and spoke. "Jake he...uh..." he stopped, swallowing numerous times before continuing."He...needed me."

Way to fucking ruin the mood.

So why didn't I tell him to get out right then? Why didn't I tell him that I was done being his piece on the side and make him leave?

Because he was Edward and I was utterly and totally fucking whipped. I pushed aside my hurt feelings and told the voice inside my head to shut the fuck up. He was here, with me, in my arms and that was all that fucking mattered.

I just nodded and kissed him again, feeling his tense posture relax as I moved my lips with his.

I fucked him three more times that night, each time ignoring the tick fucking tock of the clock that reminded me he would soon have to go back to...have to go home.

Ridiculous. I know.

What the fuck was I doing?

I was Jasper fucking Whitlock and instead of ringing in the New Year with my dick buried inside some hot twink, I was sitting at home, drowning my sorrows in Budweiser and watching some cheesy fucking New Years Eve 'let's watch the ball drop and act interested' show on television.

Why?

Fucking Edward.

Of course, we couldn't spend New Years Eve together, he had to spend it with..._him. _I didn't have any right to be upset, I was the "other man", I didn't have any rights but, God damn it should've been me he was kissing at fucking midnight.

My heart stopped when my phone rang, Hank Williams Jr. ringing throughout my quiet apartment and I couldn't help the fucking feeling of hope I felt.

_Please be Edward. _

It wasn't but I smiled nonetheless.

"Hey, babe," I answered, smiling even bigger when I heard Seth's laugh.

"Hey, Jazzy. Long time no talk, asshole."

After taking another swig of my beer, I laughed. "Yeah, well, been busy, _asshole_ and I didn't see you blowing my phone up." I retorted, though I noticed it sounded kind of slurred.

"Are you drunk?" he asked with a chuckle.

Looking at the half full bottle in my hand and then numerous empty bottles on the table in front of me, I mumbled, "No."

Seth wasn't fucking buying it. "Bullshit, fucker. You're wasted. Why are you sitting at home?"

Fuck.

"How the hell did you know I was home?"

"I can hear Dick Clark on your TV."

There was no use denying, might as well get it over with. "Just didn't feel like partying tonight. Why are you?" I shot back.

"Same," he said in quiet voice.

I knew it was bullshit but I didn't feel like calling him out on it.

Propping my feet up on my coffee table, I slouched down and sipped my beer, sighing softly once I finished.

"Remember the last New Year's Eve we spent together?" he asked quietly.

Even in my ridiculously drunk state, I could remember it like it was fucking yesterday.

_Lying in the bed of Seth's old truck, wrapped in thick blankets, we watched the fireworks blast in the sky as the New Year approached. We were parked in the middle of an empty field, a thick line of trees blocking us from nearby neighborhood, though we could still the fireworks exploding in the sky. _

_It was perfect. We could still enjoy the festivities and not have to hide our affections. _

_Flat on my back, I ignored the uncomfortable and fucking cold metal that was under me, instead focusing on Seth as he snuggled into my side. His long arm draped over my chest and one of his legs thrown over mine, he nuzzled his face into my neck, kissing me softly every now and then as we enjoyed a comfortable silence. Seth's higher than normal body temperature plus the blankets kept us relatively warm even though we were both only in tee-shirts and blue jeans. _

_"Jasper?" _

_"Hmm?" _

_"Promise me we'll be doing this exact same thing next New Year's Eve. That, whether we're here or in New York City, we'll be together," he whispered, his fingers dancing over my chest. _

_I laughed, running my fingers through his long hair. "Babe, you know good and damn well my ass will never be in New York. Those fuckin' Yankees could never handle me." _

_Laughing, he propped himself up on one elbow and kissed me. After a few long moments, he broke away from my mouth, kissing his way across my face and down my neck. My body responded instantly, ragged breaths escaping me as my cock hardened in my pants. _

_"I want you, Jazzy," he whispered, his voice full of need as he palmed me through my jeans. _

_"Babe, it's a little fuckin' co-" My words cut off as a deep groan rumbled from my chest, his hand slipping under the loose waistband of my pants and into my underwear to finger the ridge of my cock. I could never tell him no, much less when he was working me so perfectly. _

_Reaching down, I pulled on the edge of his tee and he sat up, removing his hand from my dick and ripping his shirt over his head. His nipples pebbled instantly as the cold air hit them but I didn't get a chance to lick and suck and bite them like I wanted because he started lifting my shirt up as well. _

_He, however, did take the time to lick and suck and bite my nipples, driving me fucking crazy before finally letting me lean up a bit to take it off. As soon as the shirt was discarded, his fingers trailed down my abs and began unbuttoning my jeans. _

_Sitting up, I reclined against the back window, lifting my hips to help him pull my jeans and underwear off. Hissing as the cold metal hit my bare skin; I grabbed one of the discarded blankets and draped it around my back and shoulders, raising myself up again to slide the excess under my ass. Seth put the blanket around his shoulders before he crawled towards me, completely nude, and kissed my thighs. _

_Licking the tip of my cock, he closed his mouth around me, sucking just the head hard and I groaned, flexing up so that I could slip deeper into his hot mouth. He took the hint and started sucking in earnest as I brought my hands to the top of his head, not guiding or pushing, merely resting as my eyes rolled back from the pure pleasure. All too soon, as fucking usual, he had brought to the brink and I knew I needed to stop him right then if I wanted any chance at fucking him. _

_"Babe, if you don't stop, I'll be comin' down your throat," I warned, already breathing quickly as I fought to reign in my desire. _

_Pulling off my dick, he placed one last firm kiss to my head before sitting up and straddling my calves, grabbing the condom and pack of lube and ripping it open. After putting it on me, he poured the lube into his hands and brought them to his mouth, letting his hot breath fan over them in hopes of ridding some of the chill. I smiled at his thoughtfulness, though it was just as much for him as it was for me but that didn't matter. _

_Scooting forward, he straddled my hips and wrapped the blanket around him tighter, flashing me a sweet smile as he braced a palm on my chest. Positioning me at his entrance, he took just the tip and then backed off. Taking a little more each time, I watched hungrily as he stretched himself with my dick, my hands ghosting over his collarbones and down over his chest, rubbing his nipples with the rough pads of my thumbs. _

_I had to concentrate solely on him or I would have fucking came the minute he started. _

_As he slid down my cock, I fought the strong fucking urge to thrust up, to just fucking bury myself in his tight warmth but Seth was running the show so I waited. As soon as my thighs hit his ass, he groaned deeply and threw his head back, his long hair slipping off his shoulders to drape down his back. He didn't move while he adjusted to me, his muscles clenching tightly around me and driving me fucking insane with need. _

_He looked so fucking gorgeous in that moment. The moonlight and fading colors from the fireworks playing in his black hair, his long neck on display for me as his head stayed tipped back, his toned chest rising and falling with quick breaths, white smoke puffing out of his parted lips towards the sky with each one. _

_And when he finally raised his head to meet my gaze again, I saw raw lust in his eyes. Light brown with specks of hazel and outlined in thick black lashes, his eyes were fucking beautiful, for lack of a better word. I had spent many nights getting lost in those eyes, much like I was right then. Especially when he looked at me like that, needy and wanting me, begging for what only I could give him. _

_Panting heavily, his hands slid up my chest, stopping briefly to play with my nipples before moving up my neck to tangle in my hair. "C'mere," he whispered breathlessly, pulling me forward until our chests touched, his rigid cock trapped between our stomachs. _

_He still hadn't moved but the adjustment in our position made my cock slip out of him just a fraction before we settled, once again burying myself deep inside him. The blanket had slipped off my bare shoulders, gathering in the middle of my back but the chilled air felt fucking wonderful against my overheated skin. Slipping my arms under his, I pulled him closer, one palm flat against his muscular back and the other sliding up to his neck so I could grasp his silky hair. _

_His lips met mine softly. "I love the way you feel inside me," he declared against my mouth, circling his hips, eliciting a soft growl of pleasure from me. "And I love the noises you make for me." He lifted his ass slightly before dropping back down again, my hand tightening in his hair in response. "Fuck me, Jazzy." _

_Kissing him again, I slid my hands down to his ass, grabbing two handfuls and lifting him up slowly until just the head of my cock was in him, holding him there for a moment before pulling him back down, enjoying the fucking sweet whimper he let out. I repeated the motion a few times before moving my hands to his hips, gripping tightly so I could move him faster. My body felt like it was on fire, the slow pace driving me insane when I just wanted to fuck him into oblivion but that was what he wanted so I was going to give it to him. _

_He broke the kiss with a moan. "God, the way you make me feel..." His sentence cut off as he grunted, his body fucking trembling in my arms when I hit the wonderful spot inside him. My cock throbbed as I picked up the pace, his hands moving from my hair to grasp my shoulders so he could move with me. _

_"Fuck, babe..." I sighed, resting my forehead against his and closing my eyes, focusing on how fucking good his ass felt gliding up and down my dick. _

_More fireworks went off overhead, the loud noise mixing with our panting breaths and dirty words. I was getting close and by the way his body was shaking, I could tell he was too so I moved one of my hands from his hip to slip between our bodies to stroke his cock but his pleading voice stopped me. "Don't, Jazzy," he whimpered. "I'll come." _

_"I'm fuckin' close too, babe. I'm gonna come with you." _

_The familiar burn started in my thighs as I shook, trying to hold back until he came but I wasn't sure if I was going to fucking make it. He just felt so God damn good. _

_Stroking his cock hard and fast, I ran my thumb over his slit, knowing how fast that brought him to the fucking edge._

_"Jazzy...Oh, fuck, Jasper..." he cried, his hot cum shooting out and covering our stomachs as I continued to stroke him, fucking loving the way he looked when he came. With a slack jaw, and clamped eyes, he dug his fingernails into my skin as he grinded his hips hard into me, his entire body tense. _

_Fucking gorgeous. _

_Slumping heavily against me, he kissed my neck softly, murmuring words too low for me to hear before bracing his hands on my shoulders and lifting himself again, slamming back down so hard it took my breath away. "Come on, Jazzy. I want to watch you come," he encouraged, his hot breath panting in my ear as he continued to bounce on my cock. _

_Growling, I let go off his softening cock and gripped his hips again, thrusting into him hard once, twice and I was fucking coming hard just as another round of fireworks flashed in the sky. Clenching and tightening, my body released the tension wave after wave into the condom; his fingers twisting my nipple only prolonged the intense pleasure. _

_We stayed that way for as long as possible, my spent cock slipping from his warmth and the fireworks ceasing long before we let go of each other. As I held him, we talked softly about what our future would hold, what he wanted to do for a living and where I wanted to go school. Even though some of our choices didn't always match, one thing always remained the same. _

_We would be together. _

"Fuck, Jazzy, just thinking about it makes me hard," he groaned and I heard shuffling through the phone.

Shifting, I reached down to squeeze my twitching cock, the images of our previous acts and the deep rumble of his voice turning me on at a rapid fucking pace. "Seth, babe..." I sighed, a war raging inside. Part of me felt wrong about where it was headed, which would have been me getting off to the sound of his voice as he jerked his dick, almost like I would have been cheating.

_Wow. _

I almost laughed out loud at the ridiculous thought. Cheating on the man who was cheating on his partner with me. Is that even fucking possible?

But on the other hand, my cock was fucking hard and I was horny as fuck. Edward certainly wouldn't be helping me with that problem so why not have a little fun with Seth? He was willing and wanting and _there_. Well, as much as he could have been being states away.

"Remember how good it used to be? I do. I think about it all the fuckin' time," he confessed, sounding slightly out of breath.

Closing my eyes, I palmed my cock harder as memory after memory emerged.

_Seth on his knees, my hands in his long black hair as he sucked me off_.

_Bending him over the bed, watching as my cock slipped in and out of his tight ass. _

_Seth riding me, his nails scraping at my back and his teeth sinking into my neck. _

"I remember," I gasped as I traced the head of my cock through my jeans.

Just as I was about to free my cock from my way to fucking tight jeans, I heard a beep in my ear, signaling that I had a text message. "What the fuck..." I mumbled, pulling the phone away from ear and hitting accept.

I was definitely not fucking prepared for what I saw.

It was a picture of Edward, a sweet smile on his face as he stood in the mirror of what I assumed was a bathroom. Under the picture was a text.

'Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and wishing I was there to kiss you senseless at midnight. Happy New Year, Jasper. Yours, Edward.'

_Oh. _

An unfamiliar tightening happened in my chest as I read his message over and over, looking at his picture as I fought the urge to call him and return the sentiment. Call him and tell him how much I fucking missed him and how bad I wanted him with me in that moment.

Seth's faint voice calling my name snapped me out of my pity party and I quickly brought the phone back to my ear. "Seth?"

"What was that?" he asked.

I hesitated. Knowing that he would want to continue the conversation where I had abruptly ended it, I tried to figure out how I could tell him that I couldn't do it. I mean, that text had proven that Edward _did_ care for me, no matter how small of a gesture it was. He felt _something _for me and doing anything with Seth, even something as small as fucking phone sex would have been wrong.

I just couldn't do that to Edward.

Before I could answer, Seth spoke again. "Ah. That was him, wasn't it?"

"I'm sorry, babe...I just..."I trailed off, not really fucking sure how to verbalize what I was feeling.

"No...just don't, okay? It's fine." He sounded anything but fine and, once again, I felt like a huge fucking asshole.

Running a hand through my hair roughly, I took a deep breath and tried again to make it right. "Seth...look, it's not you, okay? You know how much-"

"Seriously, Jazzy. Don't. Just...just talk to me for awhile?"

As if I would deny him that.

I tried to act okay, engage in normal conversation and act like everything was perfectly fucking fine when it was anything but.

I was hurting, literally fucking hurting, because I had just almost used the only person in the world that truly cared for me to distract me from the fact that Edward wasn't with me. I was hurting because the one I wanted didn't want me, didn't physically need me the way I needed him. He was off with his fucking partner while I sat at home _hurting_.

Fucking pathetic.

And Seth. There were so many fucking things I felt for him and none of them were enough. I had basically admitted that Edward meant more to me than he did and what hurt even more was that Seth knew it and didn't care. Whatever it took to make me feel better or safe or wanted, he was there for me and I had almost fucking...

Fuck, I was such a fucking asshole.

We talked for a long while, longer than we had talked in months about nothing and everything. The only topic we really avoided was Edward and my family. He still mentioned my mother in passing, telling me he saw her again at Billy's but let it drop when I didn't try to press for further information.

I was fucking depressed enough; I didn't need to think about her on top of it.

Finally, the conversation lulled and we quieted, both of us seemingly lost in our own thoughts. As much as I had enjoyed talking to Seth, I fucking missed Edward and I was silently hoping that he would call.

But he didn't.

"God, I miss you," Seth whispered suddenly, his voice fierce and breaking on the last word, the conviction I heard making my stomach twist painfully. He was so God damn sweet and caring and I was a fucking prick.

And, of course, I missed him too. More than I could ever express in words but I was too much of a fucking coward to admit it. If I would have let the conversation go any further, I wouldn't have been able to handle any declarations he might have made.

I wasn't entirely sure I would have been able to return them either.

Chuckling nervously, I did what I do best. "You just miss my dick."

Of course, he took the hint and laughed it off. We quieted again, only the sound of our soft breathing before he spoke again.

"Happy New Year, Jazzy."

"Happy New Year, babe."

If it was so fucking happy, then why the hell did I feel so God damn guilty?

They say that whatever you are doing at midnight on New Years Eve is what you will be doing the next year.

Well, two thousand and ten wasn't looking so fucking bright.


	10. Chapter 9

I stood behind the counter, looking at the beautiful man sitting in the booth, staring intently at the menu spread before him on the Formica tabletop. Brows knitted like he would even fucking consider the daily special over the Denver omelette. Why he was looking over the menu with the pretense that he might actually order anything different than he ever did was fucking beyond me.

Predictability, thy name is Edward Cullen.

I didn't have that problem; the constant need to be on time, have everything in order and under control. Like, the sudden impulse I had to give Edward the key to my fucking apartment. It wasn't a planned thing, it just happened. It was one of those rare days where he had gotten out of work early and, of course, I had to work the fucking day shift. So, when he had dropped hints about having to spend the day at home alone, biting his bottom lip and looking all pitiful and shit, I had to fucking do something. I offered him my key, telling him to just wait at my apartment until I got off and then we could spend the rest of the day together. Or, at least, what time he would have left before he had to be home.

To say he had been shocked was an understatement but he took it and told me he would stop by the diner for a bit before heading to my apartment.

It wasn't like I had made him his own key or anything but when I realized that I actually trusted him enough to let him be there alone, it had caught me off guard. I didn't trust anyone except for Seth. But I'd be lying if I said that the thought of going home and having Edward waiting for me didn't give me fucking tingles and God damn butterflies in my stomach.

And when I saw him actually show up at the diner like he had said he would, all smiles and beautiful fucking blush, I practically turned into a puddle of girly goo.

Yeah, I was fucking whipped.

Not concerned with anyone else at that moment and I allowed myself to take in his form, my cock hardening as my eyes roamed over the body I had learned so well, and realizing at the same time, something was different.

Something was off.

Studying him more closely, I noticed he had replaced his usual boring khakis with a pair of low slung blue jeans. A gray cotton t-shirt with sleeves wrapped tightly around his biceps stretched taunt across his shoulders and back had replaced his typical over-starched Oxfords. However, his hair displayed its usual disarray of bronze perfection, giving him that 'freshly fucked' look.

I had never seen him so casual before, outside of being completely fucking nude of course, and he looked amazing.

It took everything I had not to throw him over the table and fuck him into next week.

As if reading my thoughts, he turned attention to me and that fucking sexy crooked grin was plastered on his perfect face. And then he fucking winked at me.

Fuck.

He was just begging me to take him, right there, in front of my boss, and the old couple sitting in the corner.

I couldn't stop staring at him and I must have looked like a fucking idiot standing there, paralyzed, and my cock so hard it was throbbing. My control was already worn thin from my dreams the night before, and now he was sitting there. Intentionally. Fucking. Teasing. Me.

He had no idea what he was about to unleash.

With his eyes still on me, he ran his hand through his hair, sliding it down to his neck, he massaged the muscles there for a second, closing his eyes and parting his lips, beckoning me to just fuck his mouth. Slipping his fingertips into the collar of his tee, he dragged his hand around, tilting his head to the side before pulling the material down a bit, revealing his delectable collarbone.

Now he was on dangerous territory.

He was putting his throat on display for me. The one part of his fucking delicious body that I desperately wanted, but couldn't have. Knowing if I got my mouth, my teeth on his throat, I would mark him. I wouldn't be able to stop myself and he knew this.

And now he was fucking taunting me with it.

Pulling his fingertips out of his shirt, he ran them across his neck, fingering the sensitive skin over his pulse point.

Soft, warm skin, tender and pale and I wanted to fucking sink my teeth into it, mark him as mine, let the world know that this boy, this beautiful fucking boy was mine and no one else's. Of course I knew that not to be true, but the possessiveness I felt for him was above all else, and marking him, letting the world know, was all I could think about.

I never fully understood what it was that made me crave it so much, the insatiable want to worship the delicate skin there. It was something primal...something buried deep within me that called out, screamed, for me to claim him.

Then, he slowly licked his top lip before pulling his bottom between his teeth, raking them across it.

My cock twitched.

Opening his eyes, he immediately smirked at me, then went back to reading his menu. Thankful for the apron wrapped around my waist, I walked over to him, planning to find out if he'd lost his fucking mind. But before I could say anything, he looked up from his menu with a big fucking smile on his face.

"I'll take the Denver Omelette, please?" he ordered with mock innocence.

I leaned over his table enough so only he could hear my fierce whisper, one hand gripping the edge of the table while the other rested across the back of booth behind him. Edward leaned into me slightly, curiosity etched in his features. "You're goin' to take my cock down your throat in a minute if you don't stop the fuckin' teasing."

"Hmmm...is that a threat or a promise?" he whispered back, looking up at me through his lashes and smirking even as a delicious blush spread across his cheeks.

It always amazed me how he could still fucking blush after having my cock in his hands, mouth and ass more times than I could count, and it always affected me the same way.

"That all depends on how you look at it."

He nodded slowly, keeping his eyes on mine, a mischievous glint that I had only seen a few times before shining strongly. Then he set the menu down before dropping his hand underneath the table.

Shit.

His arm moving in a rhythm I knew all too well, I watched as his eyes rolled back in his head, eyelids fluttering closed and biting his full bottom lip.

Fuck, I almost shot my load right then.

I had to grip the edge of the table with every bit of strength I had to keep myself from snatching him out of the booth and letting my mouth take over for his hand.

Boss and old couple be damned.

Abruptly, he brought his hand back to the table and stood up. I silently thanked every deity known to man because I wouldn't have been able to handle it much longer. Unfortunately, my gratefulness was short lived as I watched him adjust himself, leaving his hand on his cock a little longer than necessary, intentionally showing me his erection, before stepping out of the booth and heading towards the bathroom. Swaying his hips suggestively, even more so than fucking usual, he threw me a look over his shoulder.

A 'come fuck me hard' look.

Fuck.

He was seriously asking me to follow him to the bathroom. Follow him, and engage in some sort of sexual activity.

In a public restroom.

In the middle of the day.

At my job.

How could I refuse an offer like that?

Mustering what I hoped could be portrayed as calm, I walked at a normal pace, back around the counter and stripped off my apron.

"Val, I'm takin' a break."

"Okay, hon."

Internally, I was doing back flips and jumping for joy that she'd let me out that easy. Externally, I remained collected, and leisurely made my way to the bathroom. Opening the door, I was greeted with the sight of Edward, leaned back against the sink, bracing himself on his palms while his fingers strummed lazily on the ceramic, his legs crossed at the ankles, still with that fucking smirk on his face.

"So, I've decided that I want to take your previous statement as a promise," he declared with a quirked brow, looking more confidant than I had ever seen him.

Fuck, it was sexy.

Quickly closing the distance between us, I crushed my face to his, capturing his throaty moan with my lips. I grabbed him by his biceps and turned, pushing his body against the bathroom wall. While my tongue dominated his mouth, my hands roamed, caressing his chest, the fleshy globes of his ass through his jeans, skimming the warm skin at his waist before sliding around, grazing over, then gripping his cock.

Pulling away from his lips, I had to fight the urge to move down to his neck and capture that perfect skin with my lips, my teeth.

"Jasper…don't..." he pleaded breathlessly, knowing what I was dangerously close to doing.

"God damn it," I groaned, pulling away from him, and slamming my hand into the wall beside his head, not even considering the possibility that someone might have heard it, trying to rein in some sort of fucking control.

Realizing that control just wasn't something I had at that moment, I quickly pulled the collar of his shirt down, almost fucking ripping it in the process, and sunk my teeth into the skin over his collarbone. I stayed there just long to leave teeth imprints, needing to do something to fulfill my desperate need to mark him. And somewhere in my subconscious, I knew that those marks would fade, leaving no chance of getting him caught by his...by him.

He moaned so loudly when I bit him, I brought my hand up and clamped it over his mouth, muffling the delicious noises that were pouring out of him.

Grabbing my wrist, he pulled my hand away from his face. "The door..." he panted, reminding me that in my Edward-induced haze I had forgotten to lock it.

With a frustrated growl, I pulled away from his collarbone and turned for the door. After clicking the lock, I turned back to him, admiring the site before me. Lips full and slightly bruised from our kiss, breathing heavily, eyes darkened with lust. His cheeks flushed with excitement and the dim bathroom light making his hair look more brown than the exuberant bronze it normally was.

But my favorite part was the outline of his thick cock showing through his jeans.

Fucking hell, there had never been a more beautiful site.

"On your knees, I want to fuck that teasin' mouth of yours," I ordered, closing the distance between us again, and pushing down on his shoulders.

Smirking at me before dropping tantalizingly slowly to his knees, he pushed me further over the edge as his telltale blush covered his cheeks and down his neck.

Oh, he was just fucking asking for it.

Looking at the God kneeling before me, I quickly unbuttoned my jeans, sliding the zipper down and letting them pool around my ankles. The sight of him licking his lips when my cock bounced lightly against my stomach as it was freed was almost too much, and I nearly came all over his gorgeous face right then. I held off, knowing that soon I would be encased in his hot succulent mouth, those lush lips wrapped tightly, that velvet tongue teasing my head.

"Open," I commanded, grabbing two handfuls of his hair and pulling him towards my cock.

The minute I felt his tongue swirl across the head, I knew that I wouldn't last long.

I also knew it wouldn't be gentle.

Immediately thrusting my hips forward into his welcoming heat, I bit my lip to stifle the groans threatening to bubble out of my throat. His mouth was so fucking perfect, pure euphoria making me dizzy and my legs feel like something resembling Jell-O.

"Yeah, just like that...fuckin' take my cock."

Moving one hand from his hair, I placed it against the wall, bracing myself so I didn't fucking collapse. The hand on his head moved him back and forth on my cock, pushing so forcefully that I slipped into his throat on every other pass. Judging by his humming, he seemed to be enjoying it just as much as I was. I contemplated taking the rest of the day off just so I could keep him here, sucking me off like the fucking expert he was.

Then he swallowed around the head of my cock.

"I'm fuckin' coming," I rasped, holding him in place at the base of my cock with me still buried deep in his mouth.

Fuck, he had gotten me so worked up with his teasing that I came quicker than I ever had before, shooting down his throat over and over again until I was spent.

Slumping against the wall, I rested my head on my forearm, trying to control my breathing and regain the use of my legs. He licked me clean before pulling my jeans back up, fastening them, then standing back up to full height he looked at me with a smug grin on his face.

Kissing him, I searched for the traces left over from my orgasm that he had greedily sucked down. That was something I loved; tasting myself on him. It let me know our time together was real, no matter how short lived. Feeling his still-hard cock press into my thigh quickly reminded me of his need and as much as I wanted to return the favor, I decided against it.

Payback's a bitch.

Moving my lips up his jaw line, feeling the narrow edge and the delicious light stubble that covered it, I moaned in his ear, purposely letting my breath wash over his skin. "Sugar, you're so fuckin' hard for me, I bet your cock is aching right now, isn't it?"

As I palmed him through his jeans, he whined and thrust his hips forward.

"You liked me fuckin' your mouth like that? Usin' you for my pleasure only?"

"Oh, God...yeah…" he moaned breathlessly, his head falling forward onto my shoulder and his fingers digging into my hips.

"Good to know," I finished simply, and moved my hand from his cock. I took one look in the mirror, trying to make sure I didn't seem to disheveled. My still heavy lidded eyes were brighter and my cheeks were flushed, but luckily nothing else seem to be out of place. As I unlocked the door, I felt a hint of nervousness. What if someone heard? What if we got caught?

Only one way to find out.

With one last look over my shoulder at Edward, I noticed the shocked and frustrated expression on his face, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

See if he ever teases me again.

A few minutes later, he walked passed me and back to his booth, lightly brushing my ass with the back of his hand as I leaned over a table to refill the old couples' drinks. I walked back around the counter and started writing up the couple's ticket, smirking when I glanced up at Edward to see a halfhearted scowl on his face. Noticing my smirk, he slid from the seat and slipped his coat on before throwing some cash on the table and walking up to the counter, leaning over it slightly

"See you at home, love," he whispered, smiling brightly before turning around and walking out of the diner, leaving me there fucking stunned.

Love.

I knew it was just a pet name, like how I called him 'sugar' or how Seth used to call me 'baby' but he had never called me anything besides my name. And he had referred to my home as his, and no matter how small that fucking gesture was, it was something. My heart started pounding furiously and warmth spread from my gut, my body temperature suddenly ten degrees higher. After I picked my chin up off my fucking chest, I smiled.

A cheesy pet name had never sounded so perfect.

"~****~"

Walking in my front door, I threw my bike keys on my kitchen table and slipped off my boots, ignoring how much my fucking feet ached and how badly I needed a beer. Edward's car had been outside my apartment so I knew he was there but my television wasn't on and I doubted he was just sitting in the fucking living room in silence.

Taking my leather jacket off, I laid it over the back of the couch and headed down the hallway. That was when I heard it.

Moaning.

Edward moaning.

My stomach dropped and rage filled my veins. I hadn't been home so who the fuck was making him moan? Would he seriously bring someone else there, to my home, in my bed? Was he trying to make me fuck someone up?

Standing outside my bedroom door, I thought I was going to be sick. If I had opened the door and saw someone else with him, I'm not sure what I would have done. The sounds got louder and I breathed a silent sigh of relief when I realized that the only noise I heard was coming from Edward.

Pushing my door open, I kept my eyes tightly closed, almost scared to open them and witness what could surely have destroyed me, until I heard the door hit the wall.

Never in a million years, not even if someone had shown it to me in a motherfucking crystal ball, would I have believed it.

My beautiful, shy, blushing Edward was naked, on his knees in the middle of my bed, facing the doorway. His hand was flying furiously over his cock, his cheeks flushed and his body sweaty while his other hand played with his nipples.

While that was shocking enough, it was nothing compared to what I saw when I glanced down.

He was fucking riding a hot pink dildo.

Bouncing, the toy slid in and out of him, his jerking matched the downward motion of his hips and his other hand twisted and pinched his nipple with each upstroke. He groaned loudly when he saw me, a mixture of arousal and victory on his face and I think he said my name, but I couldn't be fucking sure because I was too God damned focused on his actions. All of my blood rushed straight to my cock and I was torn between being jealous of the dildo and thanking it because he looked so fucking sexy right then.

Lightheaded and hard as a rock, I watched in complete shock, my blood boiling in rage and want. The look of rapture on his face shouldn't have been there because of some fucking toy, it should have only been my hand and mouth and cock that made him look that way.

Made him feel that way.

If I could have moved, I would have rushed to the bed and shown him how inadequate that fucking toy was compared to me, that it could never make him feel the way I could. Never make him come as hard as I could.

I was rooted to my spot, though. Trembling and shaking, mad and turned on all at the same fucking time. He rode it harder, grinding down until it was buried deep inside him and I fucking groaned as my jealousy for the dildo increased. I knew how he felt wrapped all hot and tight around me and it should have been me he was pushing down onto. His body tensed and he grimaced, stroking his cock faster and faster and bouncing harder and harder.

"Yeah...Oh, Jasper!" he cried my name, shooting streams of cum across my fucking bedspread.

Spurt after spurt erupted from his cock, his hips jerking harder with each one and his head falling back in pleasure. When he finally finished, he collapsed forward onto his elbows, his hair, damp with sweat, hanging in his eyes as he panted. Reaching between his legs, he pulled the dildo from his body and stood up, not even paying attention to me or the fact I was still in some odd state of fucking shock.

"Wha...what the fuck was that?" I asked and I had intended for it to be harsh but I was so fucking shocked and horny that my voice was nothing more than a husky whisper. And I noticed that I was also fucking panting, as if it had been me that jerked myself to orgasm and not him.

Standing up, still holding the fucking toy still in his hand, he replied casually, "Well, you left me hanging earlier. Someone had to take care of me." He shrugged and headed for the bathroom. "It appears I have some cleaning up to do," he chuckled, gesturing to the dildo and the cum still dripping from his cock.

Without another word, he walked into my fucking bathroom and shut the door, like it was no big fucking deal that I had just walked in on him fucking himself.

Even once he was out of my sight, all I could picture was him riding that fucking toy and moaning, looking better than any fucking porn I had seen. He hadn't even blushed, which was a big fucking deal for Edward, though I noticed his clothes were folded in a nice, neat pile on my dresser. I briefly wondered how long it took him to set that up, getting into position and waiting for exactly the right time for me to fucking catch him.

It didn't even fucking matter though because I would never have to watch porn or create a fantasy ever again. There would never be another image that would get me off better than what I had just witnessed.

Finally, I was able to move and I made up my mind to get in the shower with him and remind him that, with me around, toys were pointless, nothing, and no one, could compare to me.

Just as I had dropped my shirt to the floor and starting walking towards the bathroom, I heard someone knocking on my door. Of course, just as I was about to fucking have the best sex of my life, someone would show up. Pulling some money from wallet, I walked to my front door, assuming it was just a pizza delivery guy or he had ordered something from the Chinese restaurant he liked so much.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

My wallet fell from my hands and for the third time that day, my chin hit my fucking chest.

"Hey, Jazzy."


	11. Chapter 10

**No, seriously, y'all, how the fuck did you read this? My writing was terrible through pretty much all of it. Ugh. **

Shock.

Yeah, that was a fucking understatement.

He stood before me, a small, shy smile on his face and his head ducked down a bit. Hands shoved in the pockets of his tight Wranglers, his white tee shirt was loose and wrinkled but he still looked damn sexy. His long hair was tied back at the nape of his neck.

"Hey, Jazzy," he smiled.

"I-what are you...oh my God."

I couldn't even form a coherent fucking sentence.

"Well, that isn't exactly the welcome I was looking for but I guess it'll do," he chuckled, taking a small step forward and taking one of his hands out of his pocket to reach up and stroke my cheek.

I wanted to respond, really, I fucking did. To either hug him or kiss him or...fucking something, but I couldn't move. For the second time that fucking day, my feet were rooted to the fucking ground.

How was he here?

_Why_ was he here?

"What are you doing here, Seth?"

Why that was the first fucking coherent thing to come out of my God damn mouth, I'll never know.

He stepped back again, hurt plainly written on his face as his shoulders slumped. "I came to see you, asshole."

That snapped me out of whatever state of shock I was in and I gasped, reaching out to grab him by his shirt and yank him to me, immediately wrapping my arms tight around his waist. He sighed happily and returned my embrace, slinging his arms over my shoulders and burying his face into my neck.

"I can't believe you're fuckin' here," I whispered in his ear, squeezing him just a little too tight but I couldn't bring myself to care. He was there, in my arms, for the first time in three years and it was better than I had ever imagined.

He was a little piece of home. And so much more.

"I'm here, Jazzy."

Pulling back a bit, I never loosened my grip but I stared into his eyes and basked in the warmth of his smile, amazed and blissed the fuck out and shocked all at the same time.

"You haven't changed a bit," I mumbled, noting the way his face was still boyish, I couldn't find a single new laugh line or wrinkle.

"Nope. I'm still just as devastatingly handsome as I ever was," he laughed, slipping his fingers into my hair. "You haven't changed much either. Still as beautiful as I remember."

"Shut the fuck up," I pinched his ribs, remembering how ticklish he was there.

Rolling his eyes, he stepped out of my embrace and shoved his hands back in his pockets. "And just as polite."

Instinctively, I stepped forward, missing the contact instantly. "Did you drive here? How long are you staying? Did anyone come with you?" I fired off question after question, trying desperately to crush the spark of hope I felt at someone else from home being with him. Like Garrett...or my mama.

"Slow down there, cowboy," he smirked, his arms going around my waist, pulling me forward until our chests were touching again. "Yes, I drove. I'm staying for three days. No, I came here alone."

I actually fucking pouted. "Only three days?"

The clock seemed to tick even louder in my ears. How the fuck was I supposed to let him go after only three days?

"Yeah, Jazzy, I only had a week's worth of vacation time. I'm pushing it with three days," he explained apologetically. "I promise to make it the best three days of your fuckin' life, though," he whispered seductively before leaning in a capturing my lips in a heated kiss.

All at once, everything seemed... fucking wrong.

My lips reacted immediately but my heart didn't race, my cock began to harden but I didn't feel any electricity, my arms pulled him closer but my breathing didn't accelerate. I pulled away, confused, resting my forehead against his as I tried to figure out what was missing. My reaction to his kiss was so much different than what it used to be. It felt good but not right, it was comfortable but not what I wanted.

It wasn't Edward.

Seth, however didn't seem to notice my inner turmoil.

"Oh, Jazzy," he sighed, his voice huskier. "I've missed you so much."

And then everything went downhill.

Fuck, it went off the God damn map completely.

"Jasper, I thought you were going-"

I jumped back from Seth like he was suddenly on fucking fire and spun around, barely biting back a humiliated groan when I saw Edward standing there with a confused and shocked expression on his face.

Wearing only a fucking towel.

_Fuck my God damn life._

Unfortunately, my cock fucking refused to see the awkwardness of the moment, hardening even further as I took in Edward's mostly bare body. Water still dripping from his hair and rolling down his bare chest, the white terry cloth sat low on his hips and, without realizing it, I took a few steps towards him.

Ever heard that saying 'You could cut the tension with a knife'?

Yeah, that definitely applied.

Although a fucking machete would have been more appropriate.

Everyone was completely silent, except for Seth's almost inaudible gasp when he saw Edward's appearance.

For some reason, my tongue refused to fucking work for me that day because, once a-fucking-gain, I couldn't think of a single God damn thing to say. What the fuck could I have said? "Seth, this is Edward. The guy you don't like because he's fucking around on his partner with me. Edward, this is Seth. My ex-lover who I think might be a little in love with me."

Right. That would have gone over splendidly.

"Uh...Edward, this is Seth. Seth, Edward," I gestured between them, shocked to see Edward actually quirk his eyebrow at Seth, his lips pressed into a tight line. My eyes found a very interesting spot on the top of my shoes, fucking refusing to meet either of their gazes that I could practically feel burning into my skull.

"Oh," Seth said bitterly and I finally looked up, feeling like shit when I saw his entire demeanor change. He was no longer my Seth, he was the hardass from the oil rigs, completely emotionless and void. "I didn't realize you had company, guess that's what I get for trying to surprise you. I'm just gonna go,"

I grabbed his hand. "Seth, don't leave. I...I didn't..." I trailed off, fucking frustrated that I couldn't even get out what I wanted to say. Fuck, I didn't even have anything to say.

He gently pulled his hand from mine and my heart sank. "No, Jazzy, it's fine. I booked a hotel room right up the street. Just...call me later when you get the chance, yeah?"

His hand was already turning the knob when I mumbled, "I will."

Then he was out the door, leaving me to wallow in my embarrassment and self hatred. I always managed to fucking hurt him, even when I wasn't fucking trying. I was completely fucking hopeless.

Then there was Edward.

I was still staring at the door when he cleared his throat lightly, and I turned back around to face him, frowning when I saw the scowl on his face.

"Who was that?" he asked quietly.

Shuffling my feet, I looked down at the floor and muttered, "Seth. A friend from back home."

He actually fucking scoffed at me.

"Friend as in friend or friend as in lover? Because you two seemed pretty comfortable just now, _Jazzy_," he replied sarcastically.

That pissed me off.

"Are you shittin' me right now, Edward? Last time I fuckin' checked, I'm not the one in this...relationship, or whatever the fuck you want to call this thing we're doing, that still goes home to another man every night. If anyone has a right to be fuckin' insecure, it's me."

The second it left my mouth, I instantly regretted it. His eyes widened for a moment before a look of pure fucking pain crossed his face and his shoulders slumped, and he resembled someone that just wanted to disappear. Crossing his arms over his bare chest tightly, he tucked his chin to his chest and took a step back. "I-I'm just going to go."

He turned and walked back to my bedroom, quietly closing the door behind him.

Groaning, I walked to one of the chairs at my kitchen table and fell into it, propping my elbows on my knees and burying my face in my hands. In a matter of ten minutes, I had managed to piss off Seth and hurt Edward. The only two people on the face of the fucking planet that meant anything to me, and they had both just walked out on me.

Seth had driven for two fucking days just to see me, and I had acted like I wasn't even happy to see him. Edward, who I was rarely able to fucking see in the first place, and I had yelled at him and hurt him.

Once again, I was a fucking asshole and I was starting to think that maybe I would never change.

Just then, I saw Edward's booted feet pass in front of me as he headed for the door and I knew that I couldn't let him leave. I couldn't let him walk out the door thinking I was mad at him.

"Edward, wait," I pleaded, reaching out to grab his hand.

He stopped but he didn't make any move to come to me or look at me. Tugging on his hand, I pulled him until he was standing directly in front of me and since I was still sitting he towered over me, which was good because he could no longer avoid eye contact.

He looked so fucking dejected and it made my heart ache. He should have never looked like that, especially not because of me.

"I'm sorry, sugar. I'm a dick," I apologized, looking up at him and holding both of his hands in mine.

Closing his eyes, he released a shaky breath and whispered brokenly, "I d-didn't mean to make you mad. I shouldn't have-"

Fuck, even his voice was heart breaking. So fucking sad and unsure.

"No, you didn't do anything wrong, I'm just an asshole." I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him to me, resting my forehead on his stomach. "Don't go...please?"

He didn't say anything, instead he just ran his fingers through my hair, soothing me when I should have been soothing him. I pulled back and lifted his tee shirt, kissing his bare stomach and putting my hands on his hips. Looking up at him through my lashes, I circled his navel with my tongue, sliding my hands across to the button of his jeans.

"Stay." I unbuttoned his pants and slid down his zipper, still looking into his eyes as I skimmed my lips down his happy trail. "Stay." I pulled his hardening cock from his jeans and kissed the head. "Stay," I requested one last time before I secured my lips around the head of his cock and sucked lightly, enjoying the way he moaned and tightened his hands in my hair.

I spent the rest of the day apologizing the only way I knew how.

"~***~"

Later that night, after Edward had gone home, I grabbed a beer and sat on my couch, pulling out my phone to call Seth. When he answered, I didn't get my usual cheerful greeting.

"Yeah?"

I sighed. "Come on, babe, don't be that way. I'm sorry about earlier."

Chuckling humorlessly, he replied, "Yeah, so am I." Before I had a chance to respond, he took a deep breath and continued. "Look, Jazzy, I'm sorry. You have nothing to apologize for. I should have called first, it was wrong of me to just show up like that."

"No! No, Seth, it's not that..." I couldn't figure out what the fuck I wanted to say. "God damn it, look, can you just...come over. I really want to fuckin' see you."

He hesitated for a moment before he released a deep sigh. "You have beer? Oh, what the fuck am I saying, of course you have beer. I'll be there in a few."

I hung up and headed for the kitchen, wanting to make sure I had enough beer for the both of us. As I walked back into the living room, my phone buzzed with a text message.

_Just wanted to tell you good night. I miss you already. See you in the morning, love. _

_Yours, Edward _

Like a fucking girl, I couldn't help but feel positively fucking giddy at the term of endearment, and at the fact that he was thinking of me at all. Edward did things to me I had never experienced before, simple things he would say or the way he played with my hair or how he always managed to make weak in the fucking knees with just his sexy crooked grin. Regardless of our 'situation', he was quickly worming his way into my heart and it scared the shit out of me.

I saved the text message and sent him one back.

_Miss you too, sugar. Dream of me. _

_Jasper_

Moments later, I heard my front door opening and Seth padding to my couch. He sat next to me, freshly showered and looking sexy as fuck, resting his elbows on his knees before shooting me one of his 'you're an asshole' glances.

Smiling, I leaned over and grabbed him, pulling him sideways to me and planting a sloppy kiss on his cheek. "You love me," I smiled.

"Yeah yeah, where's the fuckin' beer?" he muttered, trying to sound pissed but the smile on his face gave his true feelings away.

"Obviously, it's in the fridge. When have you ever known me to drink hot beer?"

Punching me in the chest, he stood and headed for the kitchen. "You better not have some nasty shit in here."

Laughing, I replied, "Shut the fuck up and bring me a God damn beer."

He settled next to me, popping the top and handing it over before opening his own. Grinning, he looked to me. "You're getting beat this time,"

"Not a chance in hell, babe."

It was tradition, something we had done since fucking forever. The first time we had sneaked beers out of my house and drank in the woods behind his. We had challenged who could finish it faster. Since then, every first beer we have, we drink as fast as we can.

The looser has to do something for the winner.

I usually won.

Seth usually ended up blowing me. Sometimes I think he lost on purpose.

He counted down and we chugged, the cool liquid sliding my throat at a rapid pace as I turned the bottle straight up.

"Motherfucker," he muttered when I finished first.

"You can pay me later," I winked.

After getting us another, he took his spot next to me and took a long sip and sighed, turning his body to lay down with his head in my lap. I sat my beer down and propped my feet up on the coffee table, running my fingers through his hair, enjoying the way he hummed appreciatively.

It was amazing how easy it was to fall back into our affectionate gestures, as if we hadn't been fucking states away for three years. It was perfect, exactly what I needed. Our weekly phone calls were great but having him there, his head in my lap and sipping his beer like the last three years had never fucking happened, was so much better.

"How the fuck do you live here, Jazzy? It's so...drab," he commented, his voice laced with disgust.

I laughed loudly. "You sound like a fuckin' queen, Seth."

Sitting up, he moved to lean back against the couch and I immediately missed his warmth. "Yeah, well...I'm the sexiest fuckin' queen you'll ever see," he winked and took another sip of his beer.

We talked for hours, drinking and laughing, reminiscing and just being together. His presence soothed a wound I had tried my fucking hardest to ignore, the deep gash in my heart that my good-for-nothing father had created when he kicked me out and made my entire family hate me.

Seth was all I had left from my past and it felt so good to be with him again.

Time no longer matter, I didn't care that it was two in the fucking morning and I had to work the next day. As long as he kept talking, laughing his deep husky laugh and smirking beautifully, I would have stay up all fucking night.

Finally, the question that had been nagging at me since he had showed up on my doorstep enveloped my thoughts and I had to ask.

"Seth?"

"Yeah, Jazzy?" He said, looking away from the television to my face, the alcohol glazing his deep brown eyes.

I paused, reconsidering my question, afraid the answer would fuck me up worse than I already was. "How's my mama?"

A look of pity twisted his features before he sighed heavily. "She's okay, I guess. She looks tired a lot but I'm sure that's 'cause your father has her runnin' both branches of the business now. She seems...fine," he answered.

I closed my eyes and bit my tongue, trying to fight back angry tears and the ridiculous lump in my fucking throat. She shouldn't be _fine_. She should be happy. She should have everything she ever fucking wanted. She shouldn't have been stuck with my fucking father, serving him like she was his God damn servant. My face must have given me away because I felt Seth slide closer to me, cupping my face in his palm and I opened my eyes to find him staring at me, concerned.

"I'm alright," I lied, leaning into his touch for a moment before moving him to straddle my lap, needing to be as close to him as possible. "I'm so fuckin' happy you're here, babe. I needed this."

"I've missed you, Jazzy," he breathed, leaning forward to rest his forehead against mine.

"I've missed you, too, babe. Your hair is so much longer than I remembered," I whispered, running my fingers through the silky strands.

His eyes darkened and his gaze flickered to my lips, I knew immediately what he wanted. Before I could decided whether or not I wanted to give it to him, his lips were on mine. Familiar and comfortable, I moved my lips with his, the beer and his heat making my fucking brain fuzzy. My cock hardened when he thrust his hips into mine, my hands sliding into his hair and gripping tightly. Whimpering, he kissed me harder, slipping his tongue into my mouth and practically writhing in my fucking lap.

"Seth...babe, I..." I trailed off, unsure of what I wanted to say when I felt his lips attack my neck. Everything he did felt so fucking good but it wasn't...it just wasn't.

Ignoring my half hearted protest, he slipped his hands up to my shoulders and began whispering my ear.

"Does he know you, Jazzy?" He thrust his cock into mine again, letting me feel how hard he was. "Does he know how much you love to have your hair pulled?" He slid his hand up my neck and fisted my hair, yanking my head back forcefully, the moan I couldn't fucking suppress only proving his point. His lips still at my neck, he ran his tongue over my sensitive skin. "Does he know how much you love to be bitten?" He sunk his teeth into the flesh that covered my pulse point, moaning when I growled and dug my fingers into his hips. "Does he know that you can come just by having these rings played with?" He whispered in my ear as he brought his other hand to my nipple ring and twisted harshly, my cock twitching in response.

"Seth, babe...please," I pleaded, not really even sure what the fuck I was begging for.

Begging him to stop or begging him to keep going.

"I still remember, Jazzy, every little thing. How to make you scream, how to make you beg, how to make you come so fuckin' hard. No one can make you feel the way I can, baby." As he spoke, he continued sucking and biting at my neck, his hands coming down to unbutton my jeans and without even deciding to, I had let him.

My cock was fucking throbbing, his words and the feeling of his lips and tongue and teeth so fucking good I could barely concentrate on why I shouldn't let him continue.

But when I felt his hot hand wrap around my needy cock, everything came back full force.

I couldn't do it.

He wasn't Edward.

And I was just fucked up.

There wasn't a gay man on the fucking planet that could turn Seth down, especially not when he was shirtless and fucking begging for it but I had been ruined. Edward had shown me things, levels of pleasure I never knew fucking existed and no matter how hard Seth tried, I just couldn't fucking do it.

Grabbing his wrist, I gently took his hand off my cock and shifted, stuffing my stiff erection back in my jeans uncomfortably. He pulled back from my neck and looked into my eyes, his deep brown swimming with a mixture of desire and pain.

"Come on, Jazzy...one last time...please?" he asked weakly, leaning forward to kiss me. I moved my hands to his shoulders and stopped him.

"Babe, it's not you..." I said, hating how fucking cliché it sounded.

Sighing heavily, I watched as his face crumbled, his eyes clamping shut and his shoulders slumping as he folded into himself. "I know," he replied quietly, opening his eyes again and looking into mine. "It's him."

He didn't need to clarify, we both knew who he was talking about. And he was right, it _was_ because of Edward that I couldn't give Seth what he needed. My feelings for Edward hadn't changed how I felt about Seth, but they had, at some point, become my priority. I knew fucking Seth would have hurt Edward, regardless if he didn't have any right to be hurt, he would have been and I couldn't do that to him.

Though, I really hated hurting Seth, which was exactly what I had done by rejecting him.

"I'm sorry," I sighed, hating the look of utter defeat written on his beautiful face.

Closing his eyes again, he nodded and slumped forward, tucking his head under my chin and running his hands gently up and down my sides. Silence fell over us as we held each other, our breathing slowly returning to normal, my fingers running through his long hair.

"You still care about me though...right?" he asked in a small voice, a rare moment of vulnerability slipping through his tough facade.

"Fuck, baby, course I do," I replied urgently, needing him to know that he would always hold my piece of my heart. I pulled his chin up so I could look at his face, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "That'll never change, Seth. No matter how far apart we are or who we are with, you'll always be a part of me." I kissed him then, molding my lips to his and willing him to fucking understand that he was...everything.

He was perfect, he just wasn't Edward.

He returned my kiss eagerly for a few minutes before he slowly, reluctantly pulled away.

Eventually we shifted, turning to lie on our sides; I spooned him from behind and draped my arm over his waist, holding him to me tightly as I propped my head up on my palm. Some cheesy sci-fi flick was on the television but I didn't watch hardly any of it, choosing to watch him instead. Listening to him breathe, the way he smiled when something funny was said or rolled his eyes at something ridiculous.

He really was fucking gorgeous.

We stayed quiet for awhile, just enjoying each others presence and the way we seemed to fit perfectly wrapped around one another.

He didn't speak again until half way through our second movie. "You know I'm in love with you, right?" he said casually, his eyes still trained on the movie, only a slight tremble in voice that gave away his turmoil.

Sighing, I leaned down and kissed his neck softly, burying my nose in his silky hair. My heart fucking broke for him, no matter how I tried to explain to him that it wasn't his fault, that he was wonderful and perfect and good, he would still think that he wasn't good enough.

How could I properly explain that he _was_ good enough, that I was just...fucking broken?

"You know how much I wish I felt the same, right?" I whispered, clenching my eyes shut, afraid that my words would be what fucking broke us. That he would fucking leave and cut me out of his life completely, like everyone else had done. I wouldn't have been able to handle it.

Of course, I should have known better. Seth, regardless of what he must have been feeling internally, acted as if it was no big fucking deal. He was always so God damn understanding.

"I know," he sighed, turning his head toward me to capture my lips in a sweet, accepting kiss. When he pulled back, he stared into my eyes, searching for what I didn't know but after a few long moments, he gave me a small smile and turned his head back toward the TV. He snuggled back against me and sighed, happily when I tightened my arm around his waist.

We stayed there until dawn.

"~***~"

When I woke up, I felt dazed and fucking aggravated. Why the fuck was my neck hurting so God damn bad and why the hell was I so cramped? Then I felt movement against my morning wood and I had to smile.

_Edward. _

Then I opened my eyes and immediately saw black.

Black hair, a fucking lot of it.

Sitting up awkwardly, I felt disgusted, then a twinge of sadness hit me when I realized that it wasn't Edward in my arms, it was Seth.

"Mmm..." Seth hummed happily, pushing his ass back again into my cock making me moan quietly. He chuckled and rolled over to face me. "At least, I know I still have an affect on you."

I just smiled because it wasn't like I could have fucking denied it.

He kissed me then, slightly more than chaste before whispering, "You know, I'd love to help you out with that." He brushed the back of his hand over my cock.

"Unh, babe," I couldn't help but thrust my hips into his hand, needing the release so fucking badly but, at the same time, wanting the release to be with someone else entirely.

Thankfully, Seth moved his hand, wrapping his arm around my waist and snuggling into my chest. "Can't blame me for trying, Jazzy."

"I know."

After a few moments of comfortable silence, he sat up and clapped his hands on his thighs. "All right, what the fuck you got eat in this bitch?"

I laughed and sat up as well, standing up to stretch and work out the kinks of sleeping on the fucking couch.

"Not a fucking thing, babe. There's a great donut shop right up the street, why don't you run down there while I shower? You can't miss it."

He nodded and grabbed his keys off the coffee table and headed out the door.

I called Val quickly and told her that I was taking the day off because a friend had come into town. She knew my past so she understood but still vowed to have me working the night shift for the next week. After a quick 'kiss my ass' I hung up and walked to my bathroom.

I jerked off in the shower, thinking of Edward riding that fucking dildo and then of his mouth around my cock. I came with a harsh grunt, aggravated and relieved at the same time. I didn't want it to be my fucking hand, I wanted him there, on his knees in my shower, actually sucking me off. Of course, he couldn't be, not only because of Jacob but because of Seth as well. Clearly, they couldn't be in the same room together and I would have never fucked Edward while Seth sat waiting for me in the living room.

I was just pulling on my jeans when my cell phone rang. Looking at the display, my brows furrowed in confusion when I saw Edward's name. He never called me in the mornings.

"Hello?"

"Hey, love, I can't talk long, I'm about to be at the school but I wanted to ask if I could see you tonight?"

"Tonight?" I repeated, confused because it was a Wednesday and we usually only spent Tuesday and Thursday nights together.

"Yes...uh, Jacob has a party to go to and I told him I didn't feel up to going. I was hoping I could spend some time with you." His voice dropped to a shy whisper by the end and I could image that sexy fucking blush creeping up his cheeks.

"Hell yeah, sugar. You don't even have to fuckin' ask," I replied automatically, excitement all building in the pit of my stomach as I thought about what I would be doing to him once he arrived at my house.

"Great. I'll see you then, love. Have a good day."

I practically fucking giggled in happiness. "You too, sugar. See you tonight."

Just as I hung up the phone, I heard Seth opening my front door and I immediately felt like an idiot. How could I have agreed to seeing Edward when I had Seth there? What the fuck was I supposed to do? Have them both here and ask if Seth wanted to join?

My cock gave an interested twitch and I realized that I seriously needed to give myself a very stern talking to about how that would never happen.

"Alright, Jazzy, where are you taking me tonight?" Seth called out as I left my bedroom and headed for the kitchen.

I cringed. When Edward had called, Seth had completely left my thoughts and I didn't even think about the fact that he would want to go out that night.

I had a decision to make. Stay with Edward or go out with Seth. A rare, extra night with Edward would have been fucking wonderful but Seth wouldn't always be there, he had already said that he only had three days to spend with me. How could I tell him that he would have go sight seeing alone so I could fuck my...what ever the hell Edward was to me?

I couldn't.

I text Edward and told him I couldn't make it, that I already had plans but that I would definitely be seeing him the next day.

He never text back.

"**~~**"

As the cab dropped us off outside of the club, Seth's shiny black hair cascaded down his back as he shook his head. He had shown up at my door dressed in a pair of fucking tight jeans, his old brown leather cowboy boots and a red plaid button down with pearl buttons and a white cotton tee shirt underneath. His chocolate eyes were bright and eager as he stood in my doorway waiting for me to grab my leather jacket and keys.

After I paid the driver, I grabbed Seth's hand and we headed inside. The fucking biggest grin I had ever seen crossed his face when we entered and he saw the wall to wall bodies. Boys, some fucking hot ones too, were dancing and bouncing up and down the beat of the music. The dance floor was huge and right in the middle with two bars on each other and the DJ on one side. It was dark except for the flashing lights in red, green, blue and yellow, along with a fucking bright strobe light that reflected off all the mirrors along the wall and the disco balls hanging from the ceiling.

I immediately headed to the bar, pulling Seth along behind me. "Need a fuckin' drink," was all I said. I hadn't been to the club since I had picked up the guy and brought him home, thinking I could fuck Edward out of my mind.

How wrong I had been.

"Two Coronas," I ordered and handed the bartender a twenty. Seth smiled as he swayed to the beat and took his beer.

"Ready?" he asked winking at me as he brought the beer up to his lips. Nodding, I returned the wink. "On three."

"One, two, three," he counted down. He had even finished the word 'three' and he was already drinking. Chuckling at the fact that he thought he could beat me, I let him have a few seconds before I began.

Slamming my empty bottle on the bar top, he rolled his eyes and put his down right after.

"How the fuck do you do that?" he gasped, licking his lips. "You have a vacuum for a throat or something."

I cleared my throat. "You should fuckin' know." He tossed his head back and laughed.

"So, I lost. Guess that means I have to do something for you, huh?"

"Yep," I answered, nodding to the bartender for two more beers.

"What'll it be?" he asked, leaning in, placing a hand flat on my chest. "A quick bj in the bathroom?"

_The diner. Edward. Bathroom. Blowjob. _

"No, definitely not." I laughed as I paid for the second round and began drinking it. "How 'bout a dance?" Just then, a young kid walked up behind him and nervously tapped Seth on the shoulder. Seth tossed his head around and smiled at the fresh meat.

"Why hello there," he smiled, leaning his elbow on the bar. "Who might you be?"

"Embry," he boy answered quietly as he shifted back and forth. "Wanna… um…want to dance?"

Seth looked up at me and raised an eyebrow. Chuckling, I nodded and Seth grabbed the boy's hand and dragged him to the floor. As I sipped my beer, I watched them dance. Seth's body was fluid as he swayed the beat, his hair swinging freely back and forth as he spun and moved swiftly. The boy looked in awe of Seth as he danced in front him, his hands on Seth shoulder's until Seth spun him around and faced me. His eyes on mine, he ran his hands up and down Embry's chest, even dipping them under his tight red tee shirt.

He was fucking challenging me.

Looking around, I saw a dark haired boy at the end of the bar dressed in white tank top and black jeans. He was tall and filled out his clothes nicely.

He was no Edward, but he'd do.

When he turned his head and saw me watching him, he smiled and headed over.

"Dance?"

Apparently he was quick and to the fucking point. Nodding, I led us to the floor, right next to Seth and Embry. Without another word, I turned and began dancing, lifting my arms up and over my head as the music pounded through the sound system. Seth and Embry moved close to us, our bodies touching occasionally as the four of us danced with each other. When I saw Embry's eyes gain some confidence, he ran a hand down Seth's chest and began undoing his shirt one button at a time. When he reached the bottom and Seth still hadn't stopped him, he pulled it open and fisted Seth's tee shirt as he rolled his hips into Seth's.

I put my hands on my partner's hips and pulled him close, grinding a bit as returned the action and ran his hands through my hair. When I lolled my head back, and groaned, Seth had had enough. Suddenly, my partner was gone and Seth was in front me, his hands in my hair, his hips pressing to mine.

Smiling, I pulled him to me tightly and began pulling his shirt off. Slipping it down his arms, I took it and tied it around his waist and then ran my hands up his arms. His muscles, strong and full from his work, flexed under my touch and I felt him shiver. Our hips moved in slow circles even thought the beat of the music was fast, he was fucking me on the dance floor with clothes on.

And I fucking loved it.

Growling, I wrapped my hand around his neck and he arched his back, leaning into my hold and grinding his hips to mine. I really wanted to fucking lean down and suck his Adam's apple, taste and savor his salty skin.

Just as I moved forward, my phone vibrated in my pocket.

_Edward._

Without even looking, I knew it was him.

I forced myself to ignore it and felt a pang of guilt. It was the first time I had heard from him since I told him that I couldn't spend time with him that night.

Spinning Seth around, he leaned his back against my chest and I freely ran my hands up and own his chest. When they reached the hem of his tee shirt, I let them sneak under and touch his heated skin. He gasped and wrapped his arm up and around my neck, his fingers burying themselves in my curls. With one hand on stomach, his muscles taunt under my touch, and the other on his hip, I pressed myself into his ass. Closing his eyes, he rested his head against my shoulder and let me lead us, swaying us back and forth as half dressed bodies danced around us, Seth was in his own world.

My world.

Our world.

Only I wasn't fucking in our world anymore. I had left it the day Edward had walked into the diner all fucking blushy and organized. The boy in my arms loved me.

And I was fucking falling for a boy in another's arms.

Sometimes like just seemed so fucking unfair. Why couldn't I love Seth? He was loving, caring, fucking loyal and available.

No. My heart had to swell and beat for someone that was already taken. And that didn't work for someone as fucking selfish as I was. I wanted more, I always wanted more and settling for a few hours a few times a week fucking sucked.

But I did it.

Because I was afraid I would never have that feeling with someone else.

Maybe Seth was afraid of the same thing. Maybe that was why he hadn't let me go after three years.

Moaning, I placed a kiss under his ear as his head rested on my shoulder and he turned to me. Opening his eyes, I saw they were even darker than before. A look I knew well, I had seen it on him many times.

He wanted me.

"Jazzy, unless you want me to drop down and suck you off right here, I suggest you give me a little room," he warned, his voice low and predatory, trembling as he tried to maintain control. His eyes were damn near black, glazed over and I felt like a fucking idiot for not realizing until that point just how turned on he was.

Acknowledging him, I released my hold on his hips and let him step away from me. Reluctantly, I slid my hand from under his shirt and loosened my grip so he could turn in my arms. Standing a few feet from me, he wrapped his arms around my neck.

"Damn, I was hoping to give these boys a show," he grinned all sexy like and swayed his body seductively in front of me.

We continued dancing, taking a few breaks here and there, drinking and flirting. He hadn't changed a bit, he could still charm anyone in the fucking room with a simple smirk and a one liner. As he danced with various men, who all so clearly wanted a piece of him, I stood by the bar and smiled.

He was truly wonderful.

So, then why did my thoughts always go back to Edward?

If Seth smirked, I compared it to Edward's crooked grin. When Seth's lips wrapped around his beer bottle, I noticed that they weren't as full as Edward's. Every time I ran my fingers through Seth's hair, I was reminded that it was way too long and it wasn't that strange fucking bronze color that only Edward could pull off.

I wondered what he was doing right then. Was he sitting at home, alone, thinking about me?

Shaking my head, I tried to ignore the vicious circle of thoughts and forced a smile when I saw Seth finally heading back toward me.

Handing him his drink, I asked, "Havin' fun out there?"

Nodding, he finished his beer and grabbed my hand. "Give me another dance, cowboy."

I obliged, thankful for the distraction from my fucked up brain, wanting to just relax and let go with my best friend. It didn't fucking work, of course. Even as Seth's body swayed with mine, all I could think of was the green eyed God that could have been in my arms had I not been at the club. Two dances later and I was _still_ fucking thinking about him. Seth didn't notice, or, if he did, he didn't acknowledge it. He just continued to smile and rub his ass against my cock, trying his hardest to get a reaction out of me that he had earlier that night.

It didn't work and realizing that, no matter how hard he tried, I couldn't get Edward off my mind, really fucking pissed me off.

"Want another beer?" Seth asked, probably noticing the fucking stress on my face.

Yeah, or twelve.

I nodded and he let me go and turned for the bar. Digging into my pocket, I pulled out my phone and saw three text messages from Edward. For a second, I actually fucking debated on reading them while I was with Seth. He leaned against the bar and ordered our beers and I opened the first message.

_Hope you are having fun. Will you call me later?_

_It doesn't matter what time, I'll have my phone with me on vibrate. I just want to hear your voice. _

The last one was the fucking worst.

_I really miss you, love._

It was simple but it was enough and I couldn't take it anymore. I had to see him, to feel him, to just...be with him. I had been having fun with Seth, he was everything I needed...but he wasn't who I wanted. I looked up from my phone to see Seth walking back towards me, drinks in hand and a big smile on his face before looking back at the text message from Edward.

I _had_ to go to him.

Looking back to Seth, who was standing in front of me again, his brow furrowed in confusion for a moment before realization dawned on his face and he sighed. Leaning forward, he kissed my lips and rested his forehead against mine. "Go to him, baby. I'll call you in the mornin'."

God damn it, I was such a fucking asshole. He was too fucking good to me.

"Are you sure, Seth? I don't have-"

"Yes you do," he flashed a small smile. "It's okay, Jazzy. I'll find someone to really _show_ me around," he winked and I chuckled, kissing him again.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" I had to be positive. I was leaving him, in a club he had never been to, in a city he had never visited.

Wrapping his arms around my waist, the beer bottles dug into my lower back as he replied, "I'm sure. I'll get the bartender to call me a cab."

"I love you," I whispered.

"Oh, Jazzy," he whimpered. Clenching his eyes shut, I felt his breath wash over my face as he released a deep breath. Clearing his throat, he kissed me lightly one last time. "I love you too. Now get out of here before I change my mind."

Rushing outside, I quickly flagged down a cab and told him where I needed to go, sending Edward a text to tell him to meet me at my house. The drive seemed to take for fucking ever, my foot tapping anxiously and the all the booze I had consumed couldn't even calm me.

I just needed to fucking see him.

Pulling up outside my apartment, I threw some cash at the driver and jumped out of the car, heading for the Volvo that was parked right next to us. He was already out of the car when I reached him and I immediately pulled him to me, kissing him deeply and moaning so God damn loudly, I was sure my fucking neighbors heard me.

I was finally fucking home.

Practically dragging him to my front door, I fumbled with my keys and hurriedly unlocked the door, pulling him inside and loving the way he already looked so perfectly disheveled. Panting heavily, cheeks flushed, hair in every fucking direction.

He was so fucking beautiful.

And he was _mine. _

For the moment, at least.

**So, this is it for the previously posted chapters. Chapter 11 is basically finished, but I still need to edit it a few more times**. **I'm hoping to have it up by Wednesday. Thanks for reading!**


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